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Willow looks at a few more stars on the Walk of Fame before calling it a day. “You’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all,” she says, even though her beautiful face lit up every time. Once again, I’ve let her down. She’s pissed off at the Raven’s situation and annoyed that I rejected them when she told me not to.
We quietly listen to music on the drive back to her hotel, but this time I don’t sing. I hardly ever sing. It only really happens when I’m truly happy, and just being around Willow usually brings that out in me. Even when I know nothing is happening between us.
“What time is your flight tomorrow?” I ask when we arrive. “If you remember something overnight, maybe we can see each other early, before you go? To try again.” I shrug.
Willow smiles but I can see the rejection coming. “It’s not until eleven, but since I woke up at eleven today, I’m not sure I can make an early meet-up.”
My chest tightens with more proof that she’s not okay. My five a.m. riser is sleeping until eleven.God, this is all really messing with her.And my selfish ass keeps thinking that the more time we spend together, the better chance I’ve got of winning her back, when I should just be focused on helping her truly get through this. Even if there’s a chance she doesn’t want me after it’s done.
“Can you call me tomorrow? Or even text?” I ask, reaching forward to rub the little frown lines from her brow. “Just so I know whether it worked or not?”
Willow steps back out of my reach but relaxes a little. “I can text.”
“Thank you.” It might not be much but I’ll take it.
Maybe there’s a way I can do both—win her back and help with her memories. It’s not like she’s going to remember anything that makes her hate me.
Though there is something I have to talk to her about. I just need her to trust me first.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Willow
Itdidn’twork.Sure,my dreams—all three of them—were full of Jesse, but he was very much the Jesse I know now,nota sixteen-year-old boy.
Even though I swore to myself that I’d see this through, I’m torn over it. Do I try again? Or give up after the first go?
Yesterday was nice, but it felt like two almost strangers walking around on eggshells. At least, I felt like that. We weren’t ourselves. Things were stilted and maybe that made all the difference. We may not have been in a happy place the last two times I had a memory, but Jesse was still optimistic. Yesterday was different. I could tell that he was holding back, even if he didn’t notice it himself.
As promised, I text him to let him know, and he replies within seconds, as though he was waiting by his phone.
Jesse: We can try again. Maybe I just didn’t say the right things.
My heart aches for him. He’s trying to help. Really trying and I keep pushing him away. It’s not because I don’t want him in my life. I just don’t want to give him false hope in case I never get over this. When I see him, there are times when I forget. Times when I’m able to convince myself it will all be okay. That we can be Willow and Jesse, the same couple that stole private moments away from the spotlight, the couple that didn’t share a past, only the promise of a future.
But that’s not us, and when reality hits, it hits hard, and I feel worse than I did before I saw him.
I wish there was a happy medium. Some way I could coexist in both worlds, but as of right now, I haven’t found that.
I don’t respond to his text as I continue to mull over whether or not I’m going to test the theory again. I can see positives to both options, but it’s the negatives that worry me.
I’m still completely lost in my thoughts as I board the plane, but when I see another text from Jesse just as the captain says we’re ready for takeoff…it all clears up.
Jesse: I don’t ever want to make things harder on you but I need you to know… I’m not giving up…on you…or on us. I’ll be here in any capacity you need me, but I will always be here. I can’t let you go. I won’t. I’ve tried. And it sucked.
Tears prick my eyes as we depart, knowing I’m taking myself further away from Jesse. And just like when he drove away from me after our first night together, I feel a cord snap, the tether keeping us together unable to take the force. And it breaks my heart with it.
A million things flash through my mind in an instant. Jesse’s breathtaking smile, his warmth, the way he seems to put me ahead of everything else. The way he’s still fighting, even though I’ve given him nothing in return. I owe it to both of us to see what happens when we try to be ourselves again, even if in the end, it doesn’t work out. This connection is so much more than just our short time together. I can feel it. I just wish I understood it.
For the entire flight, I think of nothing but Jesse, and by the time we land, I’ve made the decision to go back. So, as soon as I turn my phone on, I send him a text, a small smile on my lips.
Willow: Maybe it’s time I learned to ice skate.
Another week passes, but every time I try to book a flight, I think of the money I’m spending. Money I could be reinvesting in the business. Mine and Sara’s business. Sara, who I’ve forced to pick up my slack. She’s a godsend but she deserves better.
I know I promised myself I’d try, but I can’t justify it.
Not that Sara gives me a chance to say no.
