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“It’s okay.” I shake my head before looking away, my mind a mess of wild thoughts and feelings. I totally forgot we were on the ice.
“No,” Jesse rushes out, grabbing my waist when I wobble slightly. “I wanted to let you set the pace,” he whispers, “but seeing you so free…and… God, this is hard.” He pauses, shaking his head. “You’re breathtaking, Willow,” he rasps. “What I wouldn’t give for you to always be that carefree.”
“No one’s that carefree.” I laugh. “I was picturing myself as the dancer from the video clip.”I was picturing myself finally living in the moment.“She’s young. She’s got her whole life ahead of her. At least, she did back when the song was released.”
“You shouldn’t have to be someone else.”
“Maybe not. But it’s fun sometimes.” I laugh it off, encouraging Jesse to do the same thing, but while he doesn’t laugh, he at least smiles.
“Our time is almost up,” he says, changing the subject. “Ready for one more skate together?”
I’m not. At all. I need more time, especially after that kiss, but instead I put a smile on my face and agree. “Let’s do it.”
We move slowly at first, but I get a little overconfident and try to skate faster, keeping in time with the upbeat song. When it hits the chorus, I raise my hands in the air, throwing myself off-balance, letting out a high-pitched squeal as Jesse barely catches me in time.
“Always my hero,” I say, safely tucked into his arms.
“I willalwaysbe what you need me to be,” he says, reiterating what he said in his text. “Even if I don’t like it. Even if I want more.”
He’s not referring to catching me. He’s referring to the role he’s playing right now. The dutiful friend who’s helping me get my memories back. The guy expected to spend endless time with me but who may never get anything in return. The selfless guy showing me exactly what I mean to him, without him even realizing it. The guy willing to walk away if that’s what I want. What I need.
The man that has always loved me.
Jesus. What am I doing?
Jesse loves me, and while I’ve been trying hard not to admit it, I’ve been falling for him. Above all else we’ve got that.
A line fromMoulin Rougeslaps me in the face as I remember promising my younger self that I’d live by it, before fate dealt me a rough hand. A line about the greatest thing being to love and feel love in return.
It’s corny but it’s true. For me anyway. I’m stronger because of Jesse. I’m here because of Jesse. I constantly say he left me to die, but if he hadn't reached for me, I could have fallen with Jade. And while I’m reluctant to admit this, even to myself, I’m also ninety percent sure that if I’d discovered the truth about Jadebeforemeeting Jesse again, I never would have survived it. I was beyond broken, and he put me back together, showed me that he cared, and that he needed me as much as I needed him.
I may never get over what happened. There may always be a part of me that hurts, but can I really walk away from the one person that makes the rest of me happy?
“Jesse, I—”
Buzz.
An obnoxious sound cuts me off, making me jump as Jesse laughs beside me.
“And our time is up. What were you going to say?”
“I–”
A crackling starts before a voice comes over the speaker. “We’ve got a crowd hovering, Mr. Hastings. You might want to sneak out the back exit.”
Laughter filters into the space and an urgency fills the air. “It’s not important,” I say. “Sounds like we better go.”
Jesse waves a hand in thanks, but when I look around, I can’t see who he’s waving at.
We pack up our things, and I hand back my skates before we sneak out the back door. The second we’re outside, another buzzer goes off and the crowd enters. They're so loud that I can hear them from the parking lot.Did we take away some of their usual opening hours?
I hold off telling Jesse what I was going to say because the moment’s gone, and I need a night to think about it. But one thing I know for certain is that I want to try and move forward, with him rather than without.
And that’s a pretty big realization.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Jesse
