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Fuck!
So much for Olivia’s theories about Lexie calming down. On the other hand, if this was some kind of power play on her part, he couldn’t buy into it. That just wasn’t who he was. He wanted to talk to her, to explain and work things out, but he’d tried to reach out to her already today. For all her talk about how she was all grown up now, she was behaving like a child. Did she really expect him to chase after her, begging for a chance to talk? If she’d picked up the phone, or even just called him back, he would have apologized for his bad reaction last night. He’d thought her reactions had been influenced by sub-drop, but now he wasn’t so sure.
Maybe this was a part of Lexie he hadn’t seen before - Lexie in a relationship, manipulating things to get the response she wanted. If Lexie thought their relationship was a game, she was going to find out she’d made a mistake, because he wasn’t playing. Although part of him wanted to go to her apartment right now and force her to talk to him, that wasn’t the kind of relationship he wanted to be in.
Period.
He’d kept her at bay all these years, waiting for her to grow up, waiting to see if she was submissive, waiting to see if they could work together as more than friends. He wasn’t one of her little pushover boyfriends, although he’d let her push and prod him into more than one decision he’d been reluctant to make, more than any other woman in his life.
But if she wanted a relationship with him, he wasn’t going to do it like this.
Misery, frustration, anger, all welled up inside of him. Maybe he’d let her push him too soon. Maybe he should have waited longer. Let her play with some of the other Doms in the club and discover her passions and needs on her own, rather than wanting to have her all to himself. But he hadn’t been able to stand the idea of someone else touching her, and so he’d taken over. Let her direct their relationship. Which was how she usually was with her boyfriends, but he’d always put his foot down with her. Mostly. As much as he could within the bounds of friendship.
Now she was pushing again, acting out to get the response from him that she wanted, rather than meeting him halfway and talking things through.
Did she not want to be in a relationship with him anymore?
He picked up his phone and then set it down again.
No, he’d called her multiple times. Texted her multiple times. At some point, he had to wait for her to reach back out to him.
He didn’t know if she just needed the space or was playing games, but either way the ball was now in her court.
Hunkered down in front of her television, wearing her pajamas and watching Supernatural reruns, wasn’t exactly how Lexie had planned to spend tonight. Scowling, she scooped up another handful of popcorn. The movie-theater butter kind that was so drenched in fat and salt she could feel her arteries shrinking. It would probably drive Patrick nuts if he could see her right now.
She’d gone to work at the doctor’s office today, even though she hadn’t felt like it, because anything was better than sitting around the apartment moping. Besides, it had given her an excuse to ignore his calls and texts. She didn’t know if she was doing it to punish him, or because she was ashamed of how she’d behaved last night, but either way she really didn’t want to talk to him right now. She was too busy wallowing in her own steaming pile of shitty misery.
Yeah, she’d sub-dropped last night. She’d realized it this morning when she’d woken up and recognized just how out of whack her emotions had been. Both Patrick and Olivia had been right, which rankled. At the time, her swings had felt completely valid. Now, she just wanted to groan and bury her face in a couch cushion whenever she thought about everything that had happened.
She was still pissed though, even though she understood Patrick hadn’t been trying to invalidate her feelings by saying she was experiencing sub-drop. That hadn’t been the only thing that ticked her off.
The kiss had been perfect, glorious even, and then he’d gone and ruined it. That pissed her off. As did his assertion that he had to ask Jake for permission to date her. In the stark light of day, she’d realized she was being a bit unreasonable about that, because of course Patrick cared what Jake thought and it wasn’t a competition over whom he felt more for... but at the same time, she couldn’t help but think if there was a competition, she would lose.
Like... what if Jake said it made him too uncomfortable? Did that mean Patrick would just shunt his own feelings for her to the side, without even taking into consideration what she wanted? Why did Jake’s feelings about their relationship take priority, when he wouldn’t be the one in the relationship?!
It was enough to make her want to pound her fist into the arm of her little couch, but the last time she’d done that she’d spilled popcorn everywhere. The little yellow and white puffs were still decorating her carpet, because if she hadn’t been able to pick them up without leaning, she hadn’t bothered. She’d kept her apartment spotless, even though Patrick hadn’t been over since the night he’d come to see if she’d unpacked. There was a love seat now, which she was sitting on, and she’d even put some of her pictures up on the walls (finally). It had taken her less than twenty-four hours to make it messy again, and she’d gotten a certain savage satisfaction in doing so.
Part of her couldn’t help but fantasize about how awesome it would be if Patrick showed up on her doorstep, irate and ready to punish her for ignoring his phone calls and texts, and then included some more punishment for her messy abode. Of course, another part of her felt like she’d still be pissed if he did, but only until he declared she was his, no matter what Jake might want. It was a silly fantasy, maybe, but it made her feel all yearning and warm inside, which helped battle the misery and the resentment.
She couldn’t help but perk up and listen hopefully whenever she heard footsteps in the hall. Which was kind of silly. He’d be at the club right now. Shondra had taken her shift because Lexie hadn’t wanted to go in tonight and act like everything was normal. She knew she’d told Leigh that’s what she would do, if things didn’t work out between her and Patrick, but she needed today to get herself under control. If nothing else, her fantasies told her that she was still hooked on him, and he’d probably find it all too easy to talk her back into training, without promising anything more. Like giving her scraps from the table and expecting her to remain satisfied with that.
Grr. She shoved another handful of buttery, melty, salty popcorn in her mouth. It wasn’t at all what she was craving, but it was what she was getting tonight. Her nipples were still sore from yesterday, and they’d been a steady reminder throughout the day of the intense scene and connection she and Patrick had had last night. Which meant her mind had trouble going anywhere else.
Dammit.
Her phone buzzed and her heart leapt - and then sank again as she realized it wasn’t his ringtone, it was Leigh’s. Sighing, she tried to force herself into a more cheerful frame of mind for answering the phone. As awesome as girls’ nights were, right now she just wanted some alone time. If they thought she needed cheering up, they’d descend en masse. Olivia and Jessica had already been bugging her throughout the day, and Maria had texted once as well, but she’d been firm in her answer that she was fine, and she already had plans for tonight. They didn’t need to know exactly what those plans were.
The only reason she was picking up the phone now was in case Leigh needed her.
“Hey hun, what’s up?” Good, that was normal sounding and her tone was appropriately cheerful. At least, she didn’t sound as bad as she felt.
“Hey! I was just calling to see what you’re up to tonight. I’m going to a party with a bunch of Mike’s friends - Pretty Boy, not my Michael,” Leigh said, sounding excited. “I was wondering if you might want to come and join us? Adam and Angel were gonna come but he got called into Stronghold for something, and I don’t know how long she’s going to want to stay without him. He was kind of grumpy about not being able to go with her, I thought he might feel better if there were more of us there.”
That was Leigh all over, trying to make sure everyone was happy and comfortable. Lexie bet it was killing Adam that Angel was going to a party without him.
“Do you know what Adam got called in for?” she asked, curious. She tried to tell herself it was just natural curiosity and not because she was hoping to find something out about Patrick.
“Nope, just that someone needed him to come in to take over their shift,” she said. Ah, disappointing. One of the Dungeon Monitors must have called out sick or something. “So, do you wanna go?”
