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But his mind refused, swirling with potential; different positions, what it would sound like when they found their release…
Had they… Had he and Ethan been hooking up for all those months and Jakob just… hadn't noticed? Were theydating? Some friend Jakob was turning out to be, he didn't even —
"Is he… your boyfriend?" Jakob blurted out before he could stop the words.
Oh, for fuck’ssake. Could he sound any more awkward about this whole thing? Any more obvious that he'd been thinking about Ethan's sex life, far more than a mere friend by all rights should?
He'd spent far too many of the last few sleepless nights remembering that moment, the sheer possibilities; all playing in his head like a movie marathon while Ethan lay fast asleep on the other side of their room.
What they'd been doing together. WhatJakob and Ethancould be doing together, if only — If only…
He sent some bullshit message to Ethan's phone about a headache or something, then walked the three miles back to their dorm; his cock hard enough to cut glass the entire way. Jakob didn't know how long he'd spent in the shower once he got in, only that it wasn't nearly long enough, wasn't nearly cold enough, to keep his mind off what he'd seen.
Icy water sluicing over his back and down his thighs; the sharp ache as Jakob bit into the tightly clenched fist he'd jammed into his mouth as he struggled to stifle his moans. Laughing it off as embarrassment flooded through him anew, when Ethan had innocently asked about the teeth marks on Jakob's hand the next day…
But Ethan's booming laughter was a relief, quieting some mad scrabbling thing that had been doing loops in Jakob's mind.
"No," Ethan chuckled. "No, he's… It was just a quick fuck. He's… He's not my, um — my type."
His gaze skittered away at the last of this, eyes filled with shadows before they flicked hurriedly away.
"What… whatisyour type, then?" Jakob couldn't help but ask as he snuck a glance over at Ethan's profile, the lines of his face illuminated by the light of the TV…
Ethan looked over at him then, and his eyes were —
Werescared,Jakob realized, his heart lurching in his chest at the raw fear he could see in Ethan's face.
"Don't… Don't know if I have one," Ethan replied, and Jakob wondered ifhehad sounded this obvious when he'dlied. He hoped not. But then…
"C'mon, Ethan," Jakob pressed, licking his achingly dry lips. "What do you look for in guys?"
"A nice ass and even half a smile do me just fine," Ethan scowled, refusing to meet Jakob's eyes.
Jakob frowned. That… didn't sound like Ethan. Not the real one, anyway. That sounded like the Ethan that had learned to take his lumps; to sit down and shut up; to make do, because he knew he wouldn't see better.
Thatsounded like the Ethan who still lived in the same house he'd grown up in, under the strict and unrelenting judgment of his dad.
"That can't be all of it," Jakob pressed, telling his fist to relax and smoothing the bedsheets back out. "What is it that catches your eye about a guy?"
Give me a clue, a sign,anythingthat going out on this limb isn't as fantastically fucked up as it seems…
"Jakob," Ethan huffed. "I've lived my whole life in a state where it's literally illegal for me to fuck. We play college football on the same damn team; can you imagine the shit I'd get in the locker room if the guys found out? OrCoach? Even — You know how my Dad gets about just…normalstupid stuff. You think I'm going to risk any of that just to be picky about something like… I don't fucking know,eye color?It's just sex. The wine and roses can wait until after I get drafted by a pro team and away from here. Until then… I'll take what I can get."
"Oh," Jakob said as he chewed on his lip, knowing the single syllable was worlds away from being sufficient. "I… yeah. I didn't — I'm sorry. I'm doing a shit job at this, uh — this friend stuff."
"It's… It's fine," Ethan muttered.
Jakob could damn near feel a growl welling up in his throat at the resignation in Ethan's voice, however; that old and far-too-familiar sound that meant his best friend in the world was being forced to make the best of a bad hand.Again.
"It is adamnsight far from fine," Jakob grumbled. "You've got enough assholes to deal with in your life already. I could at least try harder to not be one of them."
Ethan considered him a moment, before a small smirk crossed his lips. "Good thing Ilikeassholes then, huh?"
Jakob snorted.
They fell into a semi-strained silence to the sounds of massive property damage and Bruce Lee kicking bad guy butt over cheap, built-in speakers.
"They're… starting to put security cameras up in some of the apartment parking garages," Jakob warned in a low voice.
