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"That youwhat?"Ethan pressed, something lurking dark and leery in his tone that Jakob couldn't quite put a name to.
"I…"Wake up from wet dreams about, hand on my cock and your name on my lips as I grunt into my pillow and come in my boxers; half desperate to go crawling into your bed, wake you up and beg you to — to —
"Maybe — Maybe you were right," Jakob whispered. "Maybe it was a bad idea. Just… a normal curiosity, right?"
"Straight guysdon'tcheck out each other's cocks as a general rule, no," Ethan countered after a long moment, eyeing Jakob consideringly. "Not like… Not likethat."
Jakob swallowed, his eyes never once leaving Ethan's face.
"Maybe… Maybe I'm not so straight then." Jakob titled his head, considering howtruethat had sounded. How good it felt to say out loud. Out loud and to his best friend, someone who… who could understand.
Because there it was, wasn't it? Something he had only just realized when he'd seen Ethan with that other guy in the parking garage, and yet somehow known in his bones since forever. Something that was becoming clearer to him with each passing day.
"Please, Ethan?" Jakob whispered, hating how needy his voice sounded just then.
Feeling far too exposed as Ethan studied Jakob's face, frowning at whatever he found there; blowing out his breath harshly in a half-choked mockery of a laugh. "You can't just throw away our friendship for curiosity's sake. If you — "
"Throw away our friendship?" Jakob snorted. "How am I doing that? I'm coming to youbecauseyou're my friend and — Look, Ethan, I… If you don't want to, just say so. Sure, maybe I'm not gay. Not like you are, I mean. But how else am I going to find out? You saying I should go find some random stranger to — how'd you put it? 'Figure my shit out'? Pick up some guy in a bar and hope he 'takes real nice care of me'? I don't want that. I wantyou."
"You — " Ethan swallowed, a gutted look on his face. "You can't just…saythat, and… and…"
"If you don't want to, then tell me no," Jakob pressed, reaching up to cup Ethan's jaw.
He marveled at the scruff of bristles under his fingers as he brushed along the sweep of Ethan's cheek, drinking in those big brown eyes as they danced over Jakob's face; now wide and wondering in surprise.
"Tell me you want to stop and we will," he whispered. "We'll start up another movie and laugh about this tomorrow. And I’ll… I’ll go find someone else. Let you know how it went, if you want. Or not, if you don’t. It’s all up to you, Ethan."
Running his thumb across that plush bottom lip, Jakob smoothed away the tenseness from Ethan's silent mouth.
"Tell me to stop, Ethan."
But Ethan didn't; his grip on Jakob's hand relaxing even as sharp brown eyes danced warily across Jakob's face.
"Tell me you don’t want this."
Silence again, aside from the hitching of Ethan’s breath as Jakob resumed his explorations. It was encouragement enough that Jakob leaned in, licking his lips as he —
"I… Are you drunk?" Ethan demanded, suddenly furious. His eyes flicked to the freshly cracked open bottle, oh-so-innocently sweating beads of condensation onto the desk at Jakob's shoulder. "How many of those have you had tonight?"
Jakob froze at the closed-off expression Ethan wore, cold and wary.
Towardshim.
Fuck.Fuck!This wasn't how he'd — This wasn't how this shouldgo.
A dozen, ahundreddifferent scenarios Jakob had played out in his imagination this past week about… Well, notthis,but about telling his roommate; from the devastatingly pornographic to the tooth-rottingest holiday romcom setups Chloé had insisted on them watching together, before turning around as soon as the credits rolled and sucking his soul out through his cock.
And in the safety of Jakob's mind, each one had always worked out somehow. Butthis—
"Barely a sip," Jakob sighed, regretting ever opening his damn mouth. "Still stone-cold sober, a fact I'm starting to regret right about now."
"Is this aprank?"
"Um… also, no?" Jakob answered with a wince as he sat back on his heels. "But I'll say it was if it makes you feel better. I just — I wanted… Look, just think about it — "
"Fucking hell, Jakob," Ethan muttered; his thumb brushing across the back of Jakob's hand where it remained tucked in Ethan's own, frozen midway up his thigh. "You really believe I'd be able to think about anythingelsenow? I just… I don't understandwhy."
"Told you — I want to see what it's like," Jakob explained, swallowing hard as he stared into those big brown eyes, more familiar to him than his own. "To… To see if I'd like it. That's why it's got to be you. Don't want anyone else."
