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"Won't lie to you, me too," Ethan finally admitted, his voice thick and rough before he cleared his throat. "But don't go trying to take the blame like you were responsible. I'm a big boy. I made my own choices. The fault's mine and I don’t aim to share."
Jakob grunted at the fist Ethan tapped against his knee.
"Eventually, I crossed paths with Valeria and her crew. ThankGod," Ethan laughed. "They helped me get back on track. By then I'd torn my ACL, had my surgeries, my therapy. Myretirement. Hadn't been in long enough to make much of a nest egg for myself yet, though. Hadn’t been thinking that far ahead. What I did earn, I’d already blown on stupid shit to fill the void. Do you know what it's like to be washed up at twenty-seven? A has-been before you'd even gotten your first gray hair? But I managed. I'd already lost you. What was losing football, too?"
"Was that when you got into teaching?" Jakob asked, not knowing what else he could possibly say.
"I… yeah. Moved back here for a fresh start, got my teaching degree, and… Had to make myself a new life, didn't I? Again. One without football, or any other old ghosts hanging around to haunt me — or so I thought. Because now… Now you're back. Or, yousayyou're back. I… Jakob, what the hell am I supposed to do with you now?"
Jakob sighed long and deep for everything he missed out on, wretchedness roiling through his belly like a sticky black tar.
"Don't have to do anything," he said, swallowing hard. "I always told myself that… Maybe one day, y'know? Get back in touch and — and who knows. But it sounds like I've let too much water pass under the bridge, and for that… I'm not certain I could ever make it up to you. Know I sure as hell don't deserve a chance to try. Kind of amazed you didn't kick me out on my ass the moment I walked into your art class. I could understand if… if when this is all over, you — "
Jakob startled to feel a hand brush his, his eyes flying open before he had even realized they were closed. He glanced over to find Ethan watching him intently, head tilted consideringly as if trying to work out the best possible play.
"Ethan… ?"
Trailing off as Ethan's fingertips fluttered gently against his cheek, Jakob allowed himself a moment to simply soak up the warmth of that broad hand cupping his chin, his jaw, his cheek. The brush of a thumb across his cheekbone as Ethan tilted Jakob's face up to meet his eyes.
Those warm brown eyes, shining now with all the surety of a sunrise and just as glorious to watch.Moresoeven, as they watched him back; Ethan's gaze flicking between Jakob's own eyes and his mouth.
Not daring to breathe for fear he break this spell, Jakob tipped his face towards Ethan's hand, nuzzling into it as —
"Damn it all to fucking hell," Ethan muttered, looking away with a wince, as if pained. "Tell me —"
Jakob's heart leaped right out of his damn chest as Ethan took a deep, shuddering breath; opening his eyes to look Jakob square in the face, his expression ragged, and wanting, and oh so fucking beautiful…
"Tell me if this is a bad idea, Jakob," Ethan said, as solemnly as a priest. "But… can I k— "
"God,yes," Jakob breathed, already in motion; unable to take the waiting any longer, to waste this chance. Not after all these years, not after turning that night over and over in his mind so many nights, going over every detail again and again and again.
He fisted his hand in Ethan's shirt and, non-too-smoothly, pulled a very willing Ethan into a kiss far too long in the waiting.
It wasn't like that night so long ago — all teeth and tongue and cheap beer on their breath. It wasn't a frenzied rush, a desperation borne of anxious uncertainty and sheer bravado, no.
No, this was… it was…
Fuck — it was cominghome.
Jakob moaned at the feeling of Ethan's fingers threading into his hair, the rasp of their morning stubble catching against each other. He —
"Geez — get a room, you two!" yelled Alex's voice and Jakob grinned when he felt Ethan's hand bump into his own, both of them together flipping Alex the bird.
"Why just a room?" Jakob shouted back, breaking off the kiss to glare at the grinning pair of gremlins giggling from the edge of the riding ring. "I have a whole damn house!"
"Gross!" Cassie called back; laughing as she swung up into her own saddle, the patient gray gelding flicking his ear at the sound.
Jakob watched as she led Alex off around the riding ring, his heart swelling with pride to see her taking so naturally to the role of teacher as she corrected his seat.
"So, uh… about that 'whole damn house' of yours, then… ?" Ethan rumbled, recapturing Jakob's attention as those warm brown eyes sparkled with the sort of mischief that nearly stole Jakob's breath away.
"You always did have the best ideas," Jakob huffed as he stood; Ethan steadying his elbow and holding out his cane.
His face almost hurt, so big was his smile as — laughing and jostling each other like the boys they'd been once so long ago — the screen door slammed behind them.
Chapter 29
"Now, where were we?" Jakob asked as the bolt slid home under his hand; everything that wasn't him and Ethan locked away with the rest of the world on the other side of this door.
