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Miguel lets go of me, his hand running through his already wild locks.
“The heart attack.” His hand falls down his side. “It was my fault.”
“It was aheart attack,” I point out. “How could it have been your fault?”
“We had a fight. I couldn’t fall asleep after…” He shakes his head, but I don’t need him to finish that sentence to know what he meant.
After what happened the other night.
After what I told him.
The secret I revealed.
“Anyway, he found me in the barn where I was trying to busy myself with work, and we got into a fight likewe always do.”
I take a step closer, my palm brushing against his arm. “People fight. That doesn’t mean that what happened was your fault.”
Miguel’s fingers clench and unclench by his side. “He didn’t get a heart attack in any of the years I’ve been away.”
“He didn’t get a heart attack the day you got here either, did he?” When he refuses to turn to me, I close the distance between us, my hands cupping his cheek and forcing him to look at me. “What happened was a freaking accident. It didn’t have anything more to do with you than it did with me. People get sick, Miguel. Young and old. There is, unfortunately, nothing that we can do about it.”
“I just hate this so fucking much.”
“I know.” I push a strand of hair out of his face, pressing my forehead against his, and repeat again, softer this time, “But this wasn’t your fault.”
We just stare at one another for a moment, breathing each other in.
“Why are you so nice to me?”
“What?”
“Fuck it, Rebecca.” He shakes his head but doesn’t pull away. “I was a jackass to you, and still, you’re here comforting me.”
My heart does a little flip inside my chest as his fingers slide to my face. “I’m so fucking sorry,” he whispers, his voice coming out hoarse. “I yelled at you. I wanted to leave. Iwouldhave left if this whole thing didn’t happen, and now you’re trying to make sure I’m okay. After everything that has happened.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Itdoesmatter. I was a complete asshole the other night. I’m sorry for what I said. It was totally uncalled for, but fuck it, it caught me by surprise. I never expected…” He shakes his head, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “Yes, I think you should have told me, but I blame myself more than anything. I keep going back, thinking of what I could have done to change what had happened. I keep thinking if things would have played out differently, if I hadn’t let the fear and anger get the better of me. If I had grabbed your hand and pulled you into my chest, demanding you listen to me, to let me explain. Hell, I should have jumped on the next plane to Texas and locked you in a room if that’s what it took. Maybe then things would be different. Maybe then… What if everything that had happened was my fault?”
“No.” I place my hands over his. “Losing our baby was nobody’s fault. Trust me when I say it. What happened… There was no reason for it. No way we could have known the outcome, and there was nothing that either of us could have done to change it. What I know is it wasn’t either of our faults. It just wasn’t meant to be. It took me a long time to come to terms with what happened, a long time to stop feeling guilty. What if I knew sooner that I was pregnant? Would I have done something differently? What if I wasn’t under so much stress? What if I did something unconsciously that hurt the baby? What if I somehow, unknowingly hurt our baby?” I shake my head. Even now, years later, it was hard for me to think about what had happened. “There are so many what-ifs, but at the end of the day, none of it matters. That baby is gone, and nothing will bring it back, and we’re the people we are because of it. There is only one reality, and this is it.”
“It wasn’t your fault.” His fingers slide into my hair, those intense chocolate eyes staring into mine. “You hear me?”
“I know that now. It just wasn’t meant to be.”
And if that wasn’t the story of our lives, I don’t know what is.
Our paths keep crossing, only for us to be pulled in differentdirections.
Miguel presses his forehead against mine. “I’m still sorry for what happened. I’m sorry for not fighting harder. Sorry that I wasn’t there for you when you needed me. I’m so fucking sorry, Rebecca.”
“I’m sorry too,” I whisper softly, staring into those brown eyes. Up close like this, I can see the tiniest speckles of gold shining in the brown depths. “I should have trusted you and not let my insecurities get the better of me.”
“I’m not sure if I would have trusted me.” Miguel’s thumbs swipe over my cheek, making me realize a tear had slipped down. “I should have never let her stay. I should have walked her home, and things would have played out so much differently.”
But would they really?
Everything that Miguel ever wanted was to play football professionally. And if things happened differently, that would have never happened. If I told him that day that I was pregnant, he would have left everything to be with me. I just know it. Miguel would have given up his dream for our baby, and it would have crushed him.
