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“Becky, I’m…”
“I can’t.” I shake my head, biting the inside of my cheek. “Not now.”
I couldn’t deal with this right now.
The wound was still too fresh, too raw.
My friends exchange a silent look.
I suck in a breath. I needed a moment to compose myself. More than anything, I wished I could just go back home and close myself in my room and stay there until this pain disappears and I feel like me once again. Since that wasn’t an option, I decided to do the next best thing.
“I need to grab something from the kitchen,” I mutter to nobody in particular as I push from the counter and slip behind the closed door.
My breathing is heavy as I press my back against the hardwood and squeeze my eyes shut as I try to calm down.
You will not cry.
You will not cry.
You will not cry.
I chant those words like a mantra until the burning behind my eyelids subsides, and I can suck in a long, slow breath.
A soft knock makes me jump in surprise. “Becky?”
Shit.
Kate pushes the door open, her head peeking inside as she takes me in. “Do you mind if we talk?”
“Will you leave if I say I do?”
Kate gives me a sad smile. “Not really.”
Letting out a sigh, I move from the door so she can enter. The last thing I wanted was to make an even bigger spectacle out of myself then I already had in front of all the patrons in the café.
“I’m sorry for being nosy like that. It was wrong of me to put my nose in your business.”
“I’m the one who’s sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”
Kate shakes her head. “You had every right to yell at me. I never thought or wanted you to feel like this. I never wanted you to think I’m comparing Emmett and me with the two of you.”
“I know that. And, like I said, I’m really happy for you guys. I genuinely am. But if I’m being truly honest, some days it’s hard to watch you two.”
“I get that. It should have been you guys. I always thought it would have been. You always seemed so solid, even when you were fighting. I was always kind of jealous of that. Of the bond you two have. Of the kind of relationship you had with him and Emmett, too. But you and Miguel were just built differently. You two were in perfect sync. Like two halves of a whole. You didn’t have to say something, and he knew what you needed, and vice versa.” Kate takes my hand in hers, giving it a squeeze. “But you changed. And looking back, it didn’t start after you two broke up. It started way before that. It was subtle. That’s why we didn’t notice. You put a wall between yourself and the rest of us. And I get it. I get the need to protect yourself and your family. I did the same with Penny when we first came here, but we love you, Becky. And we want to help you. I know you’re used to dealing with things on your own, and I understand why you did what you did. But we’re here now, and we can help.”
Her words have a chokehold on me. I press my lips together, my throat dry as I try to fight the emotions rising inside my chest. All the years and secrets I’ve kept, to protect myself and the people I love, weighing heavy on my shoulders.
But she was right.
I didn’t have to do it any longer.
“I worried what would happen if anybody found out. Matthew was still underage, and Chase was gone. Would theytake him away? Would what little I had of my family be ripped away from me?” I shake my head. “I couldn’t risk it.”
“I know.” Kate’s fingers squeeze mine. “Nobody blames you for wanting to keep your family together, but we aren’t those kids any longer. Let us be there for you like you’ve always been there for us.”
Sucking in a shaky breath, I nod. “I can try.”
“I guess that’s a start,” Kate chuckles softly.
