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How long?
How long could we keep going like this?
Brushing the back of my hand over my cheek, I pull my phone out of my back pocket and unlock it. My fingers are ready to type the message when the name on top of the thread catches my attention.
Miguel.
But Miguel is gone.
He left, and he wasn’t coming back.
We weren’t together.
I couldn’t message him and tell him what had just happened. I couldn’t tell him how Mom’s words hurt, although, I knew they weren’t directed at me. How seeing her act like thisbroke my heart, and I wasn’t sure there would be any of it left by the time this was done.
I couldn’t reach out to the only person I wanted to, the only person who understood me.
Not after I was the one who pushed him away. Not after I asked him to leave without saying goodbye.
My fingers clasp around the phone tighter as I stare at the screen, the words turning more blurry by the second.
“When are you planning to call him?”
Blinking the tears away, I tilt my head back at the sound of the low voice, to find my brother watching me. Chase moves closer, Shadow at his heels.
I lock my phone, turning it face down for good measure. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I glance over his shoulder. “Where is Mom?”
“I put her to bed,” Chase sits next to me, letting out a soft groan, and Shadow settles at his feet. “She was really upset about the whole thing.”
“She was upset with me, you mean,” I correct.
“She’s upset because she’s confused, and she misses Dad. She didn’t mean what she said.”
“I know,” I whisper softly, focusing on the setting sun.
For a while, we sit in silence, the cricket’s song the only thing filling the quiet. The events of the last few weeks play in my head as I focus on that steady sound until my heartbeat evens out.
Finally, I turn my attention to Chase. The good side of his face is closer to me, making him seem almost normal. Almost. If only there weren’t dark circles under his eyes, and the demons dancing in his irises.
“She’s getting worse.”
Incidents like the one today were more common than not these days, but they weren’t the worst part. The worst part wasthat no matter what we did, we couldn’t reach her and meet her basic needs. There was nothing that we could do to help her. No medication, no therapy, nothing.
“We have to do it, Becky.”
I close my eyes and press my lips together, my fingers curling in my lap. My initial reaction is to revolt at the idea, but deep down, I know he’s right. We couldn’t go on like this much longer. Linda was amazing, but Mom needed around-the-clock care. She needed people who understood her like we couldn’t.
Chase nudges my foot with his gently. “She might hurt herself or somebody else.”
“I know.” I tilt my head back, blinking the tears from my eyes. “But it’s hard. It feels like I’m betraying her.”
“You’re not betraying her. She wouldn’t want this for you.”
Wiping at my cheeks, I find Chase watching me. “She wouldn’t want you to see her like that, and she’d hate herself for the words she said to you. But most of all, she’d want you to be happy.”
“I know that.”
“Do you?” The harsh note in my brother’s voice has me turning my attention to him. “Why are you still here, Rebecca?”
