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“Since high school.”
Since high—
“What?”
High school? She’s been hiding this for more than four years? Not just that, but during the time we were together? How did I not notice?
I’ve been to her house countless of times, first as her friend, then as her boyfriend. I think back, trying to figure out how I might have missed it, but I come up empty. Lookingat Mrs. Williams today, it was so obvious that something was wrong with her, but back then…
“You’ve known for that long, and you didn’t tell anybody?”
You’ve known for so long, and you didn’t tellme.
Pink spreads over her cheeks at the accusation, the guilt in her eyes shining like a beacon in the night.
Knowing this hurt more than I could even put in words.
Back then, we were inseparable. Not just because we were dating. Rebecca was my best friend. More than that, she wasmyperson.
Somebody who knew me so well that I didn’t have to open my mouth, and she’d already be there. She could read me without any issue, and I was the same. I knew her tells. I could read her moods. We were connected in a way I could never truly explain. That’s why it hurt so much when she walked away. It was like I lost a part of my very soul, and I didn’t know how to move on.
Except, maybe I didn’t know her as well as I thought in the first place.
“It wasn’t like that. In the beginning…” She lets out a long sigh and lifts her hand to rub at her temples. “In the beginning, things weren’t so bad. It started small. Mom would lose her keys, misplace groceries, forget where she put something… It was little things like that. I never gave it much thought. People are forgetful. Hell, I was forgetful more often than not. So what if each thing had a place in our kitchen? Maybe she decided to reorganize and forgot, you know?”
“What happened then?”
Her throat bobs as she swallows, her gaze falling down. “Then little things became big things.”
“Like?”
“She would forget to pick up Matthew from school or one ofhis activities. She said she was going out shopping, only to return hours later with no groceries.”
“Shit, Rebecca…”
Her shoulders lift in a half-hearted shrug. But I knew better. I could see how much it pained her to tell me this story.
“By the time I noticed something was wrong and I took her to the doctor, it was already too late.”
My fingers tighten around her chin, turning her toward me. “This isn’t your fault.”
“I know that. I know it wouldn’t have made any difference if they discovered it earlier. Alzheimer’s is a progressive disease, and it only gets more aggressive with time. But if I knew… maybe I would have been kinder to her. Some days, I was just so frustrated and angry at her. I needed her to be my mom. What I didn’t realize was that it’s not that she didn’t want to be what I needed. She just couldn’t. She was fighting an invisible enemy, and they were winning.”
“I’m sure she wouldn’t blame you.”
“It doesn’t matter. I blame myself enough for the both of us.”
“Does she remember anything at all?”
“Some days she does. Some days, she’s just my mom, and everything is like it always was. Other days,most daysif I’m being completely honest, she’s gone.”
Rebecca gets up, and I let her. She walks toward the railing, her palms pressing against the wood as she glances out at the dark sky. Stars are scattered around like twinkling lights illuminating the path, the crescent moon shining brightly.
This was my favorite part of Bluebonnet.
You just couldn’t see something like this in the city.
Winter or summer, when things got hard, I’d go out and look up at the sky, and let the familiarity of it help me settle down.
