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“Yes, please. Thank you.” Lorne still had his pinky up as he delicately took another cookie. “You are a wonderful host.”
“Thank you, Mr. Lorne.” That got another giggle out of him, but I tried to stay serious since that seemed to be the game.
Kenzie opened his mouth, but Alick reached out and shoved a cookie into it. “I’ll tattle if he won’t.”
Well, it seemed I had a knight in shining armor, but Kenzie shot him a very disgruntled glare. Alick didn’t seem worried about it, but I didn’t like seeing them argue. It was stressful. But not stressful enough to make me as chatty as Kenzie.
I could try to talk about it a bit, though.
Right?
Boyd had said they would be good to talk to as long as I knew they were nosy and frustrating. I’d thought he’d been trying to be positive, but it’d been hard to tell.
“I’m sure he wasn’t going to ask anything too…too personal.” Hopefully. Was keeping my toes crossed big or little? “But, in general, a lot of the things I’ve seen you guys explore or talk about don’t make me feel little.”
Heads cocked and every eye was on me.
I could do it.
It was just like a library talk.
“I can have fun with a tea party or making jewelry.” I didn’t want that to be in doubt. “I had a lot of fun at the playdate party. The bracelets were fun and the cake was delicious.”
Had I said fun so many times it wasn’t believable any longer?
No. Everyone was still smiling…well, Alick’s was more like a smirk, but that was okay.
“I just…I’m still figuring out what things make me feel…not very grown-up.” Yes, that was a good way to say it.
“Have you—” Kenzie stopped mid-sentence when Alick cleared his throat. “I was just going to ask if you’d feel comfortable sharing anything that makes you feel little.”
Shooting daggers at Alick, he got his expression under control as he turned back to me. “But you don’t have to share anything you don’t want to.”
I appreciated the qualifier, but it didn’t settle the dragons that were still spinning in my stomach.
“Well, I’m still working out a lot of it, but Boyd, he was…I mean, he…” Ugh. I tried again. “He read me books like you guys suggested and that went very nicely.”
That got smiles all around and didn’t seem too stressful to admit, so I felt a bit more relaxed and managed to get more out. “But…but I don’t think I’ll be as chatty as the rest of you if I do find that headspace.”
I might have already found it?
I was still working on that idea, though.
“I’m quiet when…when Boyd reads to me and I don’t have to talk if I don’t want to.” And so far, I hadn’t wanted to.
“That’s wonderful.” Kenzie clapped like I’d done something amazing. “I’m so proud of you. I bet you’re going to be an adorable—”
Alick interrupted before Kenzie could finish his sentence. “We’re all very glad you’re exploring that part of yourself and we just want to let you know that you can talk to us about anything. We’ve all been new at some point, and we’re not easily embarrassed, so there’s no need to worry about questions.”
I had a good idea what he was talking about, but I was glad he hadn’t actually said the words.
Lorne, on the other hand, was not thrilled at how general Alick’s explanation had been. He leaned in and offered me the cookie plate, smiling sweetly. “He means diapers and things like that. Boring friends don’t talk about that, but friendships are different when everyone is either little or kinky or both.”
Alick rolled his eyes as I gaped and tried to find a reasonable response.
“I…I’ve never had friends that weren’t the boring kind.” That didn’t seem polite, but I didn’t have a better word at the moment. “It…it might take me a while to work up to anything like that.”
As Lorne smiled and nodded, I took a cookie and hoped the most awkward part was over. “Thank you.”
