AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I shake my head.
“Be right back.”
Lavi and I watch Perez leave the room.
A moment of silence stretches between us.
When I look at her, she is staring at me.
“How did Meredith get Nina’s pills?” I ask her.
“I don’t know ... I wouldn’t know. You assigned those responsibilities to Mariana.”
21
Tristan
Idon’t know what to say.
For the first time in my life, I have no words. Nothing of substance, I mean.
I can’t wrap my head around what has become my life.
When James disappeared, it was like someone took a wet towel and wiped all the color from my life. Everything became dull and bleak. I became a cartoon character with an angry gray cloud hovering over my head.
Then, when Nina drowned in the bathtub in a failed attempt to take her life, that cloud turned into a million bricks settling on my shoulders. Red-hot, sizzling bricks carrying the weight of both anger and guilt. A self-destructive combination.
Now, Meredith is dead.
Instead of feeling sad (like with James), or mad (like with Nina), I just feel nothing. Numb. Dead inside.
I can’t eat.
I can’t sleep.
I can’t write.
I can’t make sense of it all.
It’s like something in my psyche has simply turned off. I imagine a curtain falling in front of what is supposed to be my emotions. Except not a curtain so much as a thick steel wall, slashing through the air, slamming into place.
I am absent in my own life.
They ruled Meredith’s death a suicide. The toxicology report verified the amount of Xanax she ingested was triple the amount that would suggest an accidental overdose. The ME confirmed there were no bruises on Meredith’s body, or anything to suggest the Xanax had been forced down her throat.
She meant to kill herself. Just like Nina did, although Meredith actually succeeded.
Of course she did.
Meredith’s estimated time of death was between five and six at night. I didn’t check on her until midnight. The thought of her lying there dead for all those hours makes me sick.
I haven’t seen Mariana since the day Meredith died. She called in sick the day after—after Deputy Perez called her. I’m sure he scared her half to death with all his questions.
That was four days ago. I haven’t heard from her since.
I don’t know if I ever will again.
At this point, Mariana probably thinks I’m cursed. Anyone close to me dies—or almost dies, I should say.
