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My stomach started to whirl. The first thought that came to my head was just… too much. I wasn’t going to say wrong because we’d kind of plowed past that in the last couple of days, and I really didn’t care. But would it freak him out? I went back and forth mentally for so long that he finally gave me one of those what’s-your-problem looks.
“Um, guest room?”
Wimp.
Owen snorted. “Yeah, right. Try again, I’m not a moron.”
“It’s a big enough bed for both of us… someday. I know we haven’t exactly talked about stuff and you might not want that, and I’m jumping the gun and clearly nuts, but I like this… I like us like this, and I don’t want to sleep by myself unless you want space from me because I know I’m a worrier and might drive you crazy but—”
Owen finally broke in, thankfully stopping my rambling mess.
“And here I thought you’d freak if I told you I wanted to use it as a part-time kennel,” Owen said smugly. “A bedroom’s a little less fun, but it’d be nice not to have to cram into that little bed of yours so I can take care of you better.”
My brother’s smile faltered a little, though.
“Not right away. Not until like… we’ve painted, and moved things around, and… burned the mattress. You know, the usual.” He offered a sheepish grin. “All right, we’ll wait to burn the mattress until we can get a new one, but I’m scrubbing that bitch clean. I don’t even want to know what went on in that room.”
I ignored the icky images that tried to pop into my head. It was easy, because all I really could focus on was that one word.
“A kennel?” I knew he was teasing but… I’d never even thought about something like that. It was insane. Wasn’t it?
“Everything I said, and that’s all you got out of it?” His snarky grin widened.
“Um, yes, sorry.” What else had he said? “No burning the mattress. I think that would break fire regulations, and I have no idea how the insurance on the house works, so burning it down would be bad.” It took a minute before the rest of his words sank in. “My bed is too small if we sleep in it every night, you know, like a couple would. But yeah, we don’t have to rush. Painting and fixing it up would be a good idea.”
“I dunno,” Owen said, shrugging and stealing a kiss. “I think a lot of couples are stuck sleeping in uncomfortable, tiny beds. It’s an excuse to cuddle close, yeah?” “Couples? That’s really how you see us?” The words he’d said earlier were still fresh in my mind, but I had to be sure — before I fell any further.
Owen tensed. For a moment, I was afraid I’d said something wrong and he was going to pull away from me. He didn’t, though his voice was quieter, more cautious, as he replied, “Well, two’s a couple, and we’re… two people doing… two people things… together…”
Was my brother actually at a loss for words?
It seemed like that was as much as he was going to be able to get out, so I took a slightly shaky breath and plowed forward, praying I didn’t sound like a moron or make a fool of myself. “I want to be a couple. I know it’s not what I’m supposed to want but… but it’s not the same anymore and I like it. I love it. I love you, and I don’t want to lose you or what’s happening between us.” And that sounded like a sappy movie made to make everyone cry. Could I be any more of a dork?
He wet his lips with his tongue. For a moment, I saw the uncertainty beneath the mask. “You know we can’t be… together, openly. Not here.” Before I could respond, he went on, “But… we don’t have to stay here. After I graduate, after you finish your internship. I could transfer out. We could go somewhere else.” A smirk, shaky but still there, flitted across his lips. “Then having the same last name wouldn’t seem weird or anything…”
A flood of emotions ran through me, and I wasn’t sure I could describe them all even if I wanted to. It was overwhelming and incredible. I’d always heard people say that life changed on a dime, but I never understood how that could be possible.
Would he come to regret leaving everything here behind? Would he regret everything he might be giving up? Would I?
No.
No matter how things had started for us, he was Master and he was Owen. I couldn’t imagine not having him with me. “We have time to pick out a place and to plan it out. You need to finish school and then if we sell the house, that can give us a good nest egg to start with. Depending on what kind of job I can get, I could start paying off student loans and stuff and we could be in great shape.”
Owen seemed to relax, and he nodded, smiling at me. “That could work. And it’s not like I’m at a dead end,” he reminded me. “No shortage of job openings, but there’s apparently a shortage of people as crazy as me. But who knows? You could get some kind of great job that pays a fortune. I could totally be your house husband, and we could live in style.”
Laughing, I shook my head. “I’m not sure you’d stay sane doing that. I think a bored Owen would be a dangerous Owen. I like the idea of making a fortune though.” The idea of not having to worry about money was there, in our future. We just had to get there.
I was tired of cheap meals and counting every dime at the grocery store. I wondered what it said about me when the first thing I thought of was being able to buy anything I wanted at the store. Steaks, a roast… I might not be able to cook it, but with real money we could learn.
“Stay sane?” Owen arched a brow. “I’d have to be sane now for that to be a problem, big brother.”
“Well, no one could accuse you of that.” I took a deep breath then gave him a kiss. “Come on. First step in getting everything on track is cleaning out their room and getting the house in order.”
Owen was the one to hesitate then, but he got up slowly and stretched, looking at me and offering his hand. “Let’s get this over with then,” he said. “And if you need me to finish it out… I can. Okay?”
This sweet Owen was someone I could get addicted to. “Thank you.” Standing up, I took a step toward Owen and reached out to take his hand. Just the fact it didn’t seem odd or wrong was still shocking. “I think I’m finally ready. It’s not as scary as it was last time.”
I was ready for us to move on.
