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I giggled like an idiot and grabbed my purse. “I have to go. I’m sorry!”
“She said bring your boyfriend. I don’t see anyone else around so I’m coming.” Caleb rested his hand between my shoulder blades and laughed. “Did she call you Little Kitty?”
“That’s Kitty. She was Jerry’s assistant before me. Now I’m Little Kitty to everyone in these walls.” I shot him a look. “If it gets out, I know where the leak is, Caleb.”
“I’ll keep your secret at a cost.” He opened the door for me and immediately, all sense of whatever he was saying was lost in the chaos. The last thing I heard from him was a shouted swear as he dodged a bra.
I approached Barb and Brenda, who were both naked and trying their best to crawl onto the front desk. Fortunately, it was too high for them to get on. Unfortunately, the views of them trying were expansive.
“What the hell, ladies?” I raised my voice to be heard over the ruckus of the art class participants arguing. It seemed some of them wanted nude models. Others did not.
Brenda turned to me and tried to straighten her Cher wig. “Little Kitty! Where have you been? Help us talk some sense into these prudes!”
Helen, a woman severely out of place at Jolly Pines if you only took in her pearls and cardigans, wagged her finger at Brenda. “I’m not a prude, you old bat! I just don’t want to lose the vision I have left trying to paint those bags you call tits!”
Barb had a full head of red curls and her wig seemed to be holding up okay as she flopped the one leg she’d gotten on the counter off and turned on Helen. “You take that back! We’ve got the perkiest tits in this place, if you don’t count Little Kitty.”
Jerry cleared her throat. “And me?”
Barb stopped and for a few demented seconds, we all seemed to lose ourselves in looking from boob to boob. Finally, Barb shrugged. “Fine. It’s Little Kitty, Jerry, and then Brenda and me.”
Hank, a man old enough to be Barb and Brenda’s father, hobbled forward on his walker. “If you’re going to assign a ranking, we need to see the boobies and vote.”
“Oh, go stick your willie in a pencil sharpener, Hank!” Helen patted my shoulder. “No one tries to see Little Kitty’s boobies and gets away with it.”
Caleb appeared next to me, his inner clown sensing his chance to create more chaos. “No one?”
I slapped his stomach and tried to inch my way in front of him, hoping maybe no one noticed him by some miracle. “Can we get on with art class now?”
“Oh, my. God is real, Barb. Look at him.” Brenda fanned herself, not caring that the motion sent her boobs flying around.
“Oh, I’m looking. If I was looking any harder, you’d have to pick my eyes off the floor.” Barb inched closer. “Areyouthe model for today’s class?”
Helen clutched her pearls. “Please, god, say yes.”
“What’s he got that I don’t?” Hank grumbled to the backs of all the women he’d been previously speaking to as they all inched closer to Caleb. “Youth is fleeting!”
Caleb gripped my hips and firmly wedged himself behind me. “Little Kitty?”
I scoffed and turned on him. “You don’t get to call me that. And for that, I’m going to have to agree. You should be the model for today’s art class.”
Jerry swooped in and put a protective arm around Caleb. They were around the same size and Caleb seemed shocked to be eye to eye with a woman for a moment. “No one touches the talent! You know the rules!”
Caleb stammered. “I-I’m not a model. I was just dropping Olive off.”
“You had time to suck her face in the parking lot, honey, so you’ve got time to sit here for a few minutes. Do it for Little Kitty. If you leave now, this place is going to erupt in fist fights.”
He looked back and narrowed his eyes at me. “Go on a date with me.”
I put my hands on my hips and laughed. “Caleb!”
He grinned and I swear I heard the whole room moan. “Go on a date with me and I’ll model.”
Barb grabbed my arm. “Say yes, girl, or I’m likely to die right here on you.”
“Fine! Yes!” I covered my face with my hands and laughed. “This place is a bad influence!”
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