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“Will you help me pick out my pjs, Caleb?”
Caleb looked at me with wide eyes. “Um… Okay?”
Jesse was tired and after an emotional day, he regressed slightly. He held up his arms to Caleb. “Up.”
Again, Caleb looked at me and waited for my nod of approval.
Watching Caleb pick Jesse up like he was a bomb would’ve been hilarious enough but then Jesse wrapped himself around Caleb and yawned. “I farted.”
Caleb gagged and tried to pull Jesse away from him, but Jesse held on tight. Gagging harder, Caleb resorted to fanning himself. “Oh, god. Can kids not eat the stuff Jack made? It smells like he’s rotting. This can’t be right. Smell this. Smell it. I’m serious. Is he okay? Should we take him to the emergency room?”
Lydie and I were in tears we were laughing so hard. Jesse was giggling, too, as he tugged Caleb’s hair and reminded him of the pjs.
“I don’t know. I think there’s shit involved. Should someone check?” Caleb tucked his chin to his chest in an attempt to see Jesse’s face. “You okay, little dude? Did you poop? It’s no shame if you pooped. We just shouldn’t add pjs to the shit, you know? Sorry I keep saying shit.”
I clenched my thighs together as I howled with laughter. “Stop! I’m going to pee myself!”
“I didn’t shit, Caleb!” Jesse erupted in more giggles.
“Oh, no. Don’t say shit.” Caleb chuckled once and then he was laughing just as hard as me and Lydie. He wrapped his arms around Jesse to hold him steady and even ruffled his hair. “Okay, maybe we say shit when your mom’s not around because it’s really funny.”
“Caleb!” I tried to look stern but I kept laughing. “Dammit. Don’t be a bad influence on a six-year-old.”
“Who’s Mommy giving anal to?” Jesse yawned with his mouth wide open in Caleb’s face.
Jack met my gaze and smirked. “If I’m lucky…”
I slapped Lydie’s arm. “This is all your fault.”
“What? I just think you reward good behavior and this is good behavior.” Lydie shrugged. “Plus, if you’re going to keep this up, eventually everyone will be horny at the same time. Don’t leave holes on the table.”
My mouth was hanging open and I knew that my entire body was the shade of the koolaid man. I couldn’t believe the words coming out of my sister’s mouth.
Andrew leaned back on his elbows on the floor and grinned. “No holes left behind?”
Lydie leaned over to high-five him. “Yes!”
“What the heck is happening?” I stood up and shook my head. “I’m going to help get Jesse changed. I expect better behavior when I get back.”
I caught Caleb’s hand and pulled him with me to Jesse’s room. I opened the pajama draw and moved close to rub Jesse’s back. He yawned again and it was obvious he was fighting sleep.
“Which pjs do you want, bud?”
“Caleb picks.”
Caleb leaned over and studied the different sets. “Dude, you have so many cool pajamas. I pick…the spaceships.”
“Will you tuck me in, Caleb? And Mommy.” Jesse blinked his big eyes up at Caleb and I watched Caleb melt.
“Sure, little dude.”
“Go change in the bathroom. And brush your teeth while you’re in there. Caleb’s going to do a sniff test, so no lying.” I watched Caleb’s lips turn down and grinned as he shook his head. “Oh, yeah. The really fun parts of parenting that no one tells you about. Having to sniff a little boy’s mouth to see if he’s lying about brushing his teeth. Some days I think he might be eating literal crap.”
Caleb sat on the edge of Jesse’s bed and pulled me close so I was standing between his thighs. “I’m horrified.”
I nodded and reached down to hold his hand. His knuckles were swollen and red. I held my knuckles up next to his and smiled at the way they matched. “Worth it.”
He wrapped his arm around my waist and buried his face into my chest. “Should’ve punched him twice for bruising your hand.”
