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“Nothing! Should we get ice cream on the way home?” Olive turned around and started walking towards the tunnel. “Two scoops for the growing boy who cheered his butt off today!”
Jesse wiggled in her arms as his excitement got the best of him. “Yay! You’re the best mom ever!”
“What do we do?” Jack looked at me and clenched his jaw. “If someone other than her says nothing, I’m swinging.”
“Hello? What the fuck did I miss? I played airplane with little dude for like two seconds and all of sudden the good vibes are deceased.”
“Taylor struck again. This time it wasn’t us, though. I would take another hundred last minute steroid accusations over this.” I gave him the short and dirty version of the message and watched his face darken with anger. “And she’s just smiling and acting like everything’s fine.”
“What else is she going to do? Crumble in front of Jesse?” Caleb swore. “I want to kill Taylor. How did you watch her go through this the first time and not strangle him?”
Shame forced my eyes to the ground. “I was an asshole. I tried to talk to her and when she didn’t want to talk to me, I just gave up. I didn’t do anything to help her. Taylor might not have grown up since then, but I have. This isn’t happening again. No matter what it costs me.”
51
***Olive***
Themessagethatbrokeme came as Jesse finished his rocky road ice cream sample and moved on to birthday cake. When the name popped up on my phone, I knew Taylor was going to really punish me for his embarrassment. I went to the bathroom to open the message because my stomach was already rolling uncomfortably. I stood in a bathroom that smelled like bleach-soaked oranges and opened the message that felt like the beginning of the end.
We’ve been made aware of your current situation, Olive. It’s bad enough that you’re not allowing Taylor to see Jesse, but bringing multiple men into your home for illicit things while our grandson is present is our breaking point. We’ve always been understanding and never demanding when it comes to Jesse, but I think we’ve been too careless with you. Jim and I will be filing for custody of Jesse as soon as the courts open Monday morning. You’re not fit to care for him while living the way you are.
Jim and Cynthia wanted my son. I bent over and hurled into the toilet. I felt like everything I’d ever eaten was being expelled as I retched and choked. My heart beat too fast and my vision went black at the edges. They wanted to take him from me. I grasped the wall next to me and slid to my knees. There, bent over the toilet, I prayed like I’d never prayed before. I bargained with whatever god would listen first. If they made everything go away, I’d go to church or work at a soup kitchen every Sunday. I’d do anything.
A knock on the bathroom sent me scrambling to my feet. “Just a minute!”
I flushed the toilet and splashed my face with cold water while avoiding eye contact with myself. I didn’t want to see the accusations looking back at me, the ones that weren’t my own thoughts, but the thoughts of the little girl I’d left behind in Blackfoot. Like… Had I done this to myself? Were they right? I was sleeping with three men at the same time. Was it wrong for Jesse to be around something like that? Was I fit to be his mother? Was I really still a stupid whore?
Gripping the sink, I shook my head hard to try to clear my mind. Another knock sounded at the door and I quickly washed my hands and pulled the door open. A woman around my age was on the other side, her smile apologetic as she visibly squeezed her legs together.
“Sorry.” I forced a smile and stepped out of her way, but her eyes didn’t leave my face. I glanced up at her again and saw that her smile had turned into a look of disgust.
“I think they should kick you out of the education program. A woman like you shouldn’t be allowed to be around kids, not after what you’re doing to your own son.” She walked into the bathroom and slammed the door shut, punctuating her brutal assessment.
I swallowed and looked down at my outfit. It was like I was seeing it for the first time. It was too short and my boobs were practically falling out. It was mortifying. I hurried out to the guys and held my hand out to Andrew. “Can I have the keys? I’m just going to wait in the truck.”
He frowned. “Why? What’s wrong?”
I gestured at my clothes. “I shouldn’t be out like this. I’m just going to hide in the truck and run inside as soon as we get to my apartment. The fewer people see me like this, the better.”
Caleb’s head whipped around. “Excuse me?”
I shook my hand at Andrew. “Please. I just want to get out of here. You guys can stay and finish your ice cream with Jesse.”
“Goddammit, Olive.” Andrew gripped my upper arm and pulled me with him to the truck. “Whose voice is that in your head? It’s sure as fuck not yours. There’s nothing wrong with your outfit and you knew that when you left your apartment this morning. The only thing that changed was that message.”
“It wasn’t the only message.” My lip wobbled as I looked up at him. “Taylor’s parents are filing for custody of Jesse.”
His explosion of anger made me feel calmer as I listened to him defend me. “This is bullshit, Olive! It’s not happening. You’re a great mother. Everyone who knows you knows that. We’ll fight it. They won’t win.”
“A woman going into the bathroom after me just suggested I be kicked out of the education program because I shouldn’t be allowed around children after what I’m doing to my son.” I took a deep breath and pressed my fingertips to my lips. “People read that message and believe I’m an unfit mother because of it. Would a judge agree? Jesse hasn’t even spent the night with them a single time. They’re nearly strangers to him. And they just want to take him from me? He needs his mother. They can’t do this. Look at the man they raised. I won’t let my son be raised into another abusive man who can’t take no for an answer.”
“It won’t happen. We’ll figure it out.” He looked up as the bell over the ice cream shop door rang. “Is that her? Is that the woman who said that shit to you?”
I looked back and saw a stranger staring back at us with fear in her eyes as Andrew yelled in her direction. I shook my head and held his arm. “Andy. That’s not her. Even if it was, you can’t fight everyone who thinks poorly of me. God. At this point in time, your knuckles would never heal.”
He cupped my face in his hands and lifted my face to his. “I don’t know what to do, Olive. I fucked up so bad the first time this happened and I’m terrified I’m going to do it again. I can’t do nothing. I won’t. Let me help you.”
I blinked faster to keep the tears from escaping. “I don’t know how you can help. I don’t know if there’s a way for anyone to do anything.”
