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“You will shine in whatever you do,” I told her with a smile, grateful that she was in a good mood so far. I hoped that didn’t change soon. “You aren’t the leading lady for nothing.”
“Thanks, Arya, that’s why I always need you around.” She picked up her empty coffee cup and waved it at me. “Oh and for this as well, I need all the caffeine I can get.”
I took the cup from her and offered to get everyone else in the room a drink as well. With a list as long as my arm, I headed to the high-quality hot drinks machine the producer had insisted being on set the whole time. While waiting for the drinks to pour, I allowed my mind to wander, and to think about how phenomenal last night was for me. Wow, Spike was something else, wasn’t he? The way that I felt with him…it was definitely different. Exciting and new.
Talking to him was just awesome. I felt inspired and thrilled, like I could spend the rest of my life chatting away to him without taking a moment to breathe…and kissing him really knocked me off kilter. Wow! Now that was on another level. I could safely say that I had never been kissed like that before. It was phenomenal.
Now I didn’t know anything about wolves and their fated mates, only what I’d read about in books and daydreamed about when I imagined myself shifting with my own little wolf pack, but if humans were ever lucky enough to be granted that experience, that was what I pictured it to be like. Magical, fireworks, so much fun I could have screamed.
How I didn’t end up in bed with him, either at his place or at the hotel, I wasn’t sure. That was an inner strength that I truly didn’t know I possessed. Even though I was already exhausted and not doing my best work today, I still kinda wished that I had caved to temptation because at least then I wouldn’t just have my imagination to keep me company. I would have the memories as well. Because I bet the kiss was just the start of what he could do to my body…
I caught sight of Carrie across the hall and waved to her. We hadn’t yet had a chance to talk to one another, but I couldn’t wait until we did. I had so much to share with her, and to thank her for as well. I was getting in my head last night, worrying about the future. If she hadn’t pushed me to live in the moment with Spike then I never would have gotten the pleasure of tasting his lips. I wouldn’t have his cell phone number, and the probability of a date soon.
I needed her to help me anyway because I really wanted to text him, but I wasn’t too sure what to say. I didn’t know how to get the conversation flowing in the right way. I’d had a couple to drink last night, which helped to boost my confidence, but now I wasn’t quite sure how to flirt with him in the same way.
Spike made me feel all kinds of things, though, and I just knew that this little fling would only make me crave something more serious to get this intoxicating feeling all the time. Spike was only making it clearer to me that I was ready for a bit of real romance.
But I would have to push Spike from my mind if I intended to make it through the day. He was such a distraction that if Sarah caught me daydreaming about him, then she might kick my ass. She really did need me to be on top form today. So as hard as it was, I took him from my mind and stored him in a little box to think about all night long…
And I would as well, because I dreamed about him all night long last night. So I was sure I would do it all over again. I already couldn’t wait to get back into bed, to dream. Although who knew when that would be. We could end up filming late into the night again. Many a time, the proposed schedule didn’t go to plan. That was just a part of the business.
Eventually, once I felt a little bit more composed, I took the tray of drinks with me back into the makeup room. I could sense an energy shift almost immediately when I entered.
“…did you know about this, Arya?” Sarah snapped, almost the moment I stepped foot through the door. “Did you know that we’re filming the romance scene first? I don’t even see why this movie needs a kiss scene. I don’t think my character has to fall in love at all. But that’s what we’re doing first of all. Don’t you think that’s strange? It doesn’t give me and Lucas time to build up chemistry and to figure out how we are around one another…”
I sighed heavily. Of course I knew that and I’d warned her as well, but Sarah hadn’t wanted to hear it at the time. She didn’t like to think about too much until it was happening right in front of her. The number of times I had to talk her down from one of these moods because she didn’t like how a certain director was doing things…she never seemed to learn that they would always get their way, and that the movies always turned out well anyway.
“I think the director might want to work out your chemistry from the kiss…”
“Well, I don’t like that.” She folded her arms defiantly across her chest. “I don’t think it will be good for my performance if we try to push something that isn’t there.”
Uh oh, this wasn’t going to be great on day one. I made a gesture to one of the makeup artists to get out and take everyone with her––just one of those hand gestures that everyone who ever worked on movie sets had to know for this sort of emergency––and then I moved a little closer to Sarah, to try and really get through to her.
“Sarah, you know that you can do this, right? I have listened to you worry about creating chemistry with lots of different men, and you always end up doing it. You always end up creating a masterpiece.Youknow your character in this movie much better than anyone else, so you will know how to make this work. I believe in you.”
It took her a couple of seconds, but her frown eventually started to unfurl a little bit. “I suppose if anyone can do it, it’s me, right?” she joked, allowing me to blow out a big relieved breath of air. “I suppose I will just have to lead the way and make sure this scene is mine.”
Now that was something that Sarah could do with ease. Steal the show. As long as she was focused on that, she wouldn’t be too panicked about everything else. I nodded and handed her the coffee which she basically glugged back in one go.
She was in work mode now, it was written all over her beautifully made up face.
I had to admit that knowing that I was one of the only people who could talk Sarah down off a ledge like this one made the idea of leaving her behind a lot harder. I had probably stayed for a lot longer than I should have done as her personal assistant for this very reason. As she shot me her award-winning smile before she headed out onto set, I felt a little twang of guilt in the pit of my stomach. She didn’t even know that I was thinking of leaving her.
I couldn’t help but wonder what she would think if she did know.
I sipped my own hot drink, wishing I wasn’t so torn. But there was going to have to come a point in my life where I put myself and my own needs first. I couldn’t stop myself from finding love and a happy ever after for myself forever. I would have to explore that side of life eventually or I was bound to always regret it. I didn’t want to resent Sarah and my work because of that. I also didn’t think that, for me, there was any way to balance and have it all.
I really didn’t know how I would even begin to tear that bandaid off, so it didn’t even bear thinking about. Sarah would be upset. I was sure that she would plead with me to stay because she needed me and didn’t trust easily. Replacing me wouldn’t be easy. I was susceptible to that sort of guilt tripping, so I didn’t know how I would manage to remain firm in my resolve…
Urgh, I couldn’t worry too much about that right now. I wasn’t in that situation yet. I was simply making things way worse for myself than they needed to be. One problem at a time. We needed to make it through the filming ofRevivefirst. Anything else could come afterwards when I had the necessary head space to deal with all of that…
* * *
Sarah was clearly feelinga whole lot better when she returned to the makeup chair a little while later. Doing what she loved and nailing the scenes always did that for her. I couldn’t stop smiling because she had really kicked some ass out there.
“The director is looking really pleased with you,” I handed her a much needed bottle of water. “I told you that you could do it.”
She beamed from ear to ear, deservedly proud of herself. “I’m actually glad that the kiss scene is over and done with now, you know? We can focus on everything else…”
