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Oh God.
This was so much worse. She could have had him. Then, none of this would have happened.
But more importantly . . . she would have had him.
What would she have done if he’d come up and asked her out? Would she have broken things off with Steven?
Lord, she didn’t know.
And it didn’t matter.
Because what was done was done. And there was no erasing it or taking it back.
“You can give it to me, baby. I have big shoulders. And I promise that if I’m going to lose it, then I’ll walk away and lose it on my own. I usually have good control of my temper, but women or children being harmed . . . that can set me off. But I will control it around you. I promise. And no matter what. I will never harm you. Not ever.”
“I know,” she whispered. Those tears just wouldn’t stop. She was a complete mess. “I k-know. I do know you w-won’t hurt me. It’s just . . . it’s instinctive.”
“Fucking bastard,” he muttered, and she could hear the banked anger in his voice. He was trying to keep calm.
For her.
“I fucking hate that he taught you to fear people.”
Because she hadn’t been like that before. She’d been open and loving and trusting.
“I was a fool. A stupid, naive fool. That’s why this is all on me, R-raid. It’s not for you to shoulder. It’s not your nightmare to l-live.”
“Anything to do with you is my business. And a nightmare shared is a nightmare halved.”
“I don’t think that’s how the saying goes.”
“I don’t think I care much how the saying goes.”
To her shock, she felt the urge to smile at that. He wouldn’t. Raid made his own rules.
But she stifled the smile.
“However, I get the feeling you’re not ready to share what happened.”
“Really? You have that feeling?”
It felt bizarre that she could joke like this. She was drained, completely done in. There was nothing she had left to give to anyone. But letting out those tears also felt a bit cathartic. She’d cried since everything happened, of course. But those tears had never released the knot inside her. They’d never made her feel better.
So even though her head was thumping, and she was more tired than she could ever remember, she felt lighter. As though her burdens were lifted.
Maybe he was right in a way. Perhaps she had given him some of her worries. She hadn’t told him anything. But she’d shared her tears, her pain.
And he’d taken them on without even flinching.
“I’m very intuitive.”
“You are?” she asked.
“Yep. Ask anyone. They all say it. That Raid Malone, he’s fucking intuitive.”
“What else do they say?” Her words were almost slurred with how tired she was.
“They say that Raid Malone, he’s very good-looking. Far better looking than all his brothers. And he’s smart. Far smarter than all his brothers. Oh, and he’s charming.”
“Let me guess? Far more charming than his brothers?” she said dryly.
“Why, darlin’, thanks for the compliment. I mean, it is the truth, but I appreciate you saying it.”
“You’re terrible.”
“I know you’re having a bad day, so that’s why you’re getting your words all jumbled. See, the word you’re looking for is gorgeous or amazing or sexiest man you’ve ever seen in your life.”
“That’s not one word.”
“It’s hard to describe me in one word.”
“Well, modest definitely wouldn’t be the word I would use,” she said dryly.
He squeezed her tight. “Finished crying?”
“Yeah. I think so.”
“Good. Don’t do that again.” There was a chiding note in his voice.
She tensed. “What? Lose it like that? Get scared of you? I can’t really help doing that . . .” She wished she could stop. She really did.
How amazing would it be if she could simply forget? Move on with her life? If she could touch people again and have them touch her without flinching or panicking.
Yeah, she needed a memory erasing pill.
“No, I don’t mean that. Of course I would prefer you didn’t flinch when I touched you. But I know that’s going to take time. What I meant was, don’t cry again.”
Wait . . . was he joking?
He had to be right?
Forgetting that she likely looked terrible, she leaned back to stare up at him. “Are you joking?”
He frowned and stared back down at her. “Why would I be joking?”
“Um, because you can’t order me not to cry.”
“Sure I can. I just did.”
“Raid!” she cried. “I have to cry.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know . . . it’s a way of releasing stress and worry, I guess. It’s natural.”
He frowned. “It’s not natural. And if you need to get rid of your stress and worry, I have a better way for you to do it.”
All right, now this she had to hear.
“I’m all ears.”
“You give it to me.”
“Huh?”
“You give it to me and you let me take care of it for you.”
