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Then he drew back.
She stared up at him, her heart racing, her breath coming in quick pants. But not because of panic.
Nope. Her body was reacting to that kiss. And it wanted more.
She wanted more.
But . . . she shouldn’t have more.
He knew.
“How do you know?” A tear slid down her cheek. “How?”
“First, I want to make one thing really clear. You are not dirty. You could never be dirty. No matter what that bastard did to you . . . you, baby, are pure. You are clean. You are and always will be my beautiful, sweet Hannah.”
A sob broke out of her. She could tell he was speaking the truth. Or what he saw as the truth.
But he didn’t know . . .
“I’m n-not.”
“You are.” It was said with such ferocity.
“I went with him,” she whispered. “I let him do things . . . if you’re dating someone, if they’re your boyfriend, isn’t it . . . I mean, the line . . . isn’t it blurred?”
His eyes widened. “If you’re asking me what I think you’re asking me, then there is no blurred line. There is consent and there is no consent. Now, some people might give consent to their partner to take over, to be in a 24/7 power exchange relationship. They might want to be forced. Or to be hurt. There are all sorts of kinks, and I never yuck on someone’s yum. But there is always fucking consent. You don’t give that . . . I don’t care who that person is to you or you to them. It’s not right.”
She sobbed, trying to wipe away tears.
“Did he . . . did he rape you, baby?”
She shook her head.
“You’re not lying to me, are you?” His face was pale, and she swore she could see tears in his eyes. But maybe that was her imagination. Or perhaps she was seeing things because her own eyes were blurred.
“No.” She wiped at her cheeks.
He brushed her hands away and took over wiping the tears away.
“You can tell me anything. It will not make me see you differently.”
She took a low, shaky breath in. “He didn’t rape me. There was . . . he did other things.”
“Motherfucker.”
“I thought I loved him. And all along, I was just a target. I think that’s maybe what hurts the most. That he never cared about me or wanted me. He used my body to get to me. He used my needs against me, and that’s why I can’t ever . . . I can’t ever submit to anyone again. Because when I think about doing that, I think about him.”
“Baby,” he murmured.
“He’s ruined so many things for me. All because he wanted to use me and take from me. He’s taken it all.”
Raid cupped her face. “Then it’s time to start taking it all back.”
“I can’t. How can I get my life back?”
“One step at a time.”
“It’s too big. There’s nothing left. I’m drowning.” She couldn’t even breathe.
“Then you hold on to me. I’ll be your anchor. I’ll be your life-raft. Whatever fucking metaphor you want to use, all you need to do is hold on to me.”
“Aren’t you scared?”
“Of what? Of him?”
“No. Of me drowning you as well . . . pulling you down . . . of the stench he’s left on me shifting to you.”
“There is no fucking stench on you. Do you hear me?” he said fiercely. “That’s added to your tally.”
“I have the feeling I’m not going to sit properly for a week.”
“Make it a month.”
Wow. She didn’t know whether to be scared or turned on.
Perhaps a bit of both.
“You are not going to pull me down. You do not smell. Wait a minute.” He started sniffing her.
“Hey! What are you doing?” She tried to wriggle away, shocked as he pushed his face into her throat to sniff. “Raid! Stop sniffing me like you’re a dog.”
“If I were a dog, I’d be sniffing you somewhere else. Hmm . . . I could try that.” He gave her a wicked look.
She groaned. “That should disgust me.”
“It doesn’t? Good to know.” He grinned.
“Raid . . . I’m not . . . I’m not ready for anything like that yet. A kiss is one thing . . . sex is something else.”
“Baby, I am not going to push you for more than you’re ready to give. This is going at your pace, understand me?”
“He didn’t rape me.” She thought it bore repeating. “But I thought he was going to. And I’m not sure how I . . . how I’m going to react. Or if I can get aroused anymore.”
“Now, you’re lying,” he whispered. “I saw the way you looked at my bare chest.”
Holy. Crap.
Yep. She was a total liar. She’d taken one look at his naked chest and she’d wanted to lick him all over.
