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“Yeah, but that doesn’t erase the years you spent there.” Atlas put an arm around me, tucking me against his side and making it harder to be sullen.
“No, I guess not.” I dropped my voice to a whisper like that might make the truth easier. “It’s difficult. Paige and Gabe there, Mom and Dad not. I should be happy for them…”
“But you miss your folks.” Atlas rubbed my shoulder. “And, of course, it’s hard. You have all the memories of those great holidays you had at the house while growing up.”
“Exactly.” I managed a small smile because Atlas always did seem to get me on a level few others did. So many people went out of their way to never mention our parents out of worry they might upset us. But Atlas seemed to sense when I needed to talk. “The house is so different now. Not bad, not worse. Just…different. Some of the same traditions, like Mom’s ornaments on the tree, but new ones too, like Paige’s solstice candles. And they’ve remodeled some, but…”
“The memories linger. I get it.” Atlas paused to bite his lip, expression going uncharacteristically uncertain. “I…God, I can’t believe I’m going to confess this. But one of the reasons I think I stayed away so long, other than ill-timed deployments, was I miss them too.”
“My parents?” It was my turn to study him. I hadn’t ever considered that before. But given Atlas’s unsatisfactory relationship with his own parents, it made sense that he would have looked up to mine. And he, like so many others, had lost something important when they passed. My back tensed. I should have guessed, and I sure could have been more understanding.
“Yeah.” Atlas’s voice was soft and distant. “You guys were like the definition of a happy family. And then they were gone, and it felt so weird, being in Kringle’s Crossing without them.”
I wrapped my arm around him, rubbing his side. He deserved comfort too. And he deserved to find comfort here in town too. It sucked that what was a place of solace for me had hurt him. I wished I could give him a home, that sense of belonging that reassured me even as it sometimes frustrated me. Atlas deserved a place to come back to.
“Join the club.” I let my head drop onto his shoulder. “And my parents were relationship goals. Totally. It took me a long time to cope with their absence as well. That’s part of why I knocked around from college to college, couch to couch, eating too much bad food, and escaping into my games.” I could admit that to him, could share things I’d never said aloud to another soul. “It hurts not having them. But the last few years, I’ve come to…not really peace, but acceptance.”
Atlas nodded solemnly. “They’d be proud.”
“Yeah, Gabe’s done a great job.”
“No, they’d be proud of you, Zeb.” Atlas used the tip of his finger to dig into my upper arm. “You.”
“Oh.” I wasn’t sure I agreed with him.
“You pulled your life together.” He squeezed me close. He sure sounded like he believed his words. “That’s pretty impressive. And they loved you so much. Naturally, they’d be proud of you, bragging to the whole town about your gaming channel.”
“Wow.” My eyes burned. He wasn’t wrong. My parents had been world-class braggers, but I hadn’t allowed myself to feel their pride in years. “They’d be proud of you as well.” I gave him a pointed look because maybe he also needed to hear it. “And happy you made it back here. Happy we’re all together.”
“Yeah.” He gave an unsteady exhale, gaze darting everywhere but at my face. “Hey, is missing them why you don’t decorate your place?”
“Huh. Good question.” My mouth twisted as I thought. “Not like I’m gonna stash a tree here in the bedroom. I’ve always just left decorating to Gabe and Paige. They kept all the ornaments and stuff.”
“Maybe you need your own traditions.” Atlas’s expression took on a thoughtful cast. “Your own collection like your mom’s.”
“Maybe.” I liked the idea, but the weight of the conversation made me weary. I could indeed start my own holiday traditions, but that might mean another layer of acceptance, another degree of moving on. I could do it, but I didn’t really want to dwell on it then, not with a warm and wonderful Atlas at my side. “Another round?”
Atlas gave a knowing chuckle, but he let me change the subject the way he always did. “Gaming or sex?”
“Either. Both.” I shrugged before giving him a goofy look. “Maybe not at the same time though.”
“Oh, we could try.” Atlas offered me a wolfish grin in return. Heat gathered low in my belly, my cock already anticipating how damn good we could make each other feel. My heart, too, if I were honest. All my parts enjoyed him so damn much.
