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“You don’t think he’ll be happy for you?” Aunt Lucy glanced back and forth between us.
“It’s not like that,” Zeb said flatly as he stood. “I’m going to walk down to the gift shop.”
I shot to my feet as well. “I can come—”
Zeb held up his hand. “I need a minute. Please.”
And with that, he was gone, leaving me little choice but to sink back down next to Aunt Lucy.
“Oh dear.” Dismayed expression making her look older than usual, Aunt Lucy set aside her knitting. “I’ve put my foot right in your muck, haven’t I?”
I didn’t want to lie and say no, so I settled for saying nothing, simply studying my hands instead.
“Are you really going to tell me this is some no-strings hookup?” Aunt Lucy laughed lightly when I made a strangled sound. “Yes, dear. I know that word. I’m sixty-something, but I get around. Might even start dating in the new year. Hot grandma and all that.”
“You should.” I nodded, not even trying to hide how eager I was for a conversation topic change. “Uncle Joe would want you to be happy.”
“And he’d want you and Zeb happy as well,” Aunt Lucy shot right back. “Is it that you don’t want to come out?”
“It’s not that.” I made a vague gesture with my hand. Sure, coming out would inevitably lead to some awkward questions from a few folks, but it was nothing I couldn’t handle. “If I thought it would make a difference, I would. Happily. But there’s no future for us.”
Aunt Lucy made a clucking noise. “How sad that you live in a world without email, text, airplanes, and frequent flier miles.”
“I can’t do the long-distance thing to Zeb.” I kept my gaze locked on the cracked leather of the chair opposite me. Aunt Lucy already saw far too much. “He deserves better. I’m a bad bet.”
“And Zeb’s not exactly the gambling type.” Her heavy sigh matched my own, and we sat in silence as I arranged for rooms at a nearby hotel within walking distance. Aunt Lucy continued knitting at a steady pace until her phone buzzed.
“Gabe says they’re set up in the post-partum room. I can go back, then you and Zeb can follow in a few minutes.”
“Guess I better go find him.”
“Guess you better.” Aunt Lucy gave me another pointed look, this one harder to read. I hated feeling like I was disappointing her somehow. Leaving her to head toward the room number Gabe had sent, I strode toward the gift shop only to discover Zeb emerging from an elevator holding two small stuffed reindeer toys.
“Got there right before it closed.” He held up the toys but didn’t smile.
“Hey,” I said softly. “We can see the babies and Paige in a few.”
“I know.” His voice was just as flat as when he’d walked away. “Gabe texted me.”
“Good. I got rooms for tonight.” I took a deep breath before venturing into the murky waters churning between us. “Are you going to be okay sharing?”
“Why wouldn’t I be? It isn’t like we haven’t been sharing a bed for weeks now.” He addressed the wall map behind me rather than meet my gaze.
“True, but you seemed upset earlier.” Gah. Talking about emotions was the worst, and I had no idea how to do this better.
“Of course, I’m upset.” Zeb frowned like I was missing something obvious. “Aunt Lucy might be able to keep a secret, but if she knows, others have likely guessed too. And that means Gabe could find out, and I hate that for you.”
“You’re worried about me?”
“Well, yeah.” Zeb pursed his beautiful full lips, beard bristling as he spoke. “You’re the one with more to lose here.”
“Zeb.” I reached for him, almost weeping with relief when he didn’t dodge my touch on his shoulder. “That’s not true, and we both know it.”
Buzz. Both our phones went off at the same moment, but Zeb raised a hand when I went to fish mine out.
“Can we just pretend a little longer?” He finally met my gaze, and his eyes were so pained that I would have promised him the sun itself. “It’s Christmas Eve, and I want to spend it with you, not fighting and not thinking about the future.”
“I want to spend it with you too,” I said reverently, tightening my grip on his shoulder. If nothing else, I was going to give Zeb the best Christmas Eve I could and make the most of every moment we had left. “And that part isn’t pretend.”
“I know.” His voice was heartbreakingly certain. “Let’s go meet the babies.”
Twenty-Two
ZEB
As we walked through the maternity ward toward Paige’s room, I tried to close all my mental tabs, shut down my internal computer for the night. I didn’t want to think. Somehow, Aunt Lucy knowing about us made the end much more real. Because it wasn’t truly about the secrecy or protecting Atlas. My reaction had had more to do with the fact that Atlas was leaving soon and couldn’t make a single promise about when he’d be back. Which was understandable and reasonable and all those adult things, but reality still sucked. Dressing up the truth in navy blue didn’t make it hurt less.
