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I want. The feelings I’d been battling all day returned in full force. Why couldn’t that be us? Was the universe truly so unfair as to give us this one perfect holiday season and nothing else?
“Pick a house,” Atlas ordered softly as we drove through the neighborhood as if he, too, was under the spell of all these lights and holiday magic. “Come on. Pretend with me. Pick a house.”
“Hmm.” I pondered which I might choose if I were in the market. “We’re a bit far from Kringle’s Crossing.”
“Ah.” Atlas made a sad, knowing noise.
“Sorry.” I hated feeling like I was letting him down, and I exhaled hard. Apparently, even in my daydreams, I had a hard time leaving Kringle’s Crossing. “Wait. I like that one.” I pointed to a small two-story home on one side of a shared driveway. I pulled closer to it, idling near the curb so other traffic could get around us if needed. The holiday light display was all at precise angles with a celestial theme. “That’s clearly well-wired. It would be fun to program a light display like that.”
“I could see you having fun with that for sure.” Atlas smiled over at me, expression tender yet distant. “Looks like there’s a little fenced backyard for your future mutts.”
“Garage big enough for a spare fridge for all our leftovers.” I played along, not even tripping over the our. In this little fantasy existence, there was most certainly an us, a future, and a home somewhere, whether in this neighborhood or another. “Bet I could make a soundproof recording studio in the basement for my game streaming.”
“I’d be up for learning more renovation tricks.” Atlas placed a hand over mine near the gear shift. “Seems like the sort of neighborhood with an overly active local association. There’s not a single house without lights. Might be fun to be part of a community like that.”
You could. My heart hammered, and my tongue was suddenly too thick to speak. Yearning clogged my chest. I didn’t just want this future. I needed it. I wanted it for me, yes, but for Atlas most of all. He’d never really had community, a place to put down roots and call home, and I could be the person for him.
There was no traffic behind us, no reason to move on, and I turned toward him precisely as he shifted my direction as well. Our mouths met, saying things our voices simply couldn’t, giving me the courage to—
Brrrrriiiiiiinnnnnnng. A ringtone I’d never heard shrieked out of Atlas’s phone, making us jump apart, and my heart sank. Somehow, I knew even before he answered that I was about to hate whatever came next.
Twenty-Six
ATLAS
“I have to leave.” As I ended the call, I set my phone on my lap, knowing full well it was likely to ring again. Zeb had remained silent and parked by the celestial lights house while I’d been on the phone with my commanding officer.
“I know,” Zeb said flatly. Even hearing only one side of the conversation, he’d likely deduced the seriousness of the call. “When? Guess we should head back to my place and get you packed.”
“Tonight.” I couldn’t keep the pain out of my voice. “No time to go back to Kringle’s Crossing.”
“Christmas night?” Zeb echoed my tone. The stunning light display reflected off the windshield, but after my news, the sparkling lights felt eerie rather than festive.
“There’s a crisis in…” I trailed off because this particular shit show hadn’t reached the news yet, and while I trusted Zeb, I also knew security protocol.
“You can’t say where. I get it.” Zeb sounded more resigned than hurt now. He put the car in gear, heading out of the neighborhood and toward the interstate. He flipped to the GPS screen on the SUV’s dashboard. “New Hanover?”
“Yup. I’ve got to get to McGuire ASAP.” I took over, entering the base’s destination into the GPS as Zeb continued to drive out of the picturesque little neighborhood and back to our real lives. “They’re sending a chopper to take me to the rest of our team before we’re wheels up. They need me to start my new role a few weeks early. Nothing like hitting the ground at top speed.”
“Your own chopper?” Zeb gave a tired laugh. “Too bad you dislike helicopters because that’s a pretty sweet Christmas present. Must be nice to be that important. Chief Big Deal on your new team.”
He chuckled again, but his white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel and tight mouth belied his joking tone.
“It’s more that I have the experience they need to get some SEALs in and out of a…delicate situation.” Again, I couldn’t say too much, but the higher-ups wouldn’t have sent for me if my experience wasn’t mission-critical to this particular operation. The SEAL team involved included personnel I’d worked closely with for years. I didn’t simply need to go because I was ordered. I wanted to go, but guilt over my divided loyalties made my stomach churn. “I’m not sure I trust anyone else to get this job done.”
