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Hail
IcatchZpushingthrough the front doors of the restaurant and rush after him, but out on the streets, he’s no more apparent than a ghost. Head whipping around, I seek his tall form out in a mess of vehicles and swarms of drunk, sloppy pedestrians trying to cross the streets.
Fuck.
I want to scream. Instead, I yank out my phone and call him while I cut toward our hotel. My heart pounds faster with every unanswered ring, and dread coils in my gut, pushing my legs to move faster.
When the glass hotel looms before me, I spot him striding with purpose across the parking lot. His hood is drawn low, and his shoulders look like they’re caving in on his heart.
“Z,” I shout, breaking into a sprint.
I bump shoulders with an employee in the hotel lobby, stumbling to catch my balance as I see Z step into an elevator. His empty gaze locks onto mine before the doors close. Every time I see that look, it feels like staring back into the eyes of death. It chills me to the core.
What the hell is tormenting him? Why won’t he let me in? I’m sick and tired of surface-level shit. It’s all I’ve ever gotten from my relationships, not that Z and I are even in one. This is why I gave up on finding someone ages ago.
And yet, here I am. Bounding up the seven flights of stairs to demand Z give us a fair chance. To trust me. To lean on me like a partner. An equal.
Bursting out of the stairwell, I’m just in time to hear a door slam. I run over to Z’s door and bash my fist against it. Over and over, I rattle it on its hinges.
When it’s clear he’s not going to let me in, I resort to begging. “Please, Z. Please don’t shut me out. Let me help.”
Minutes tick by as my brain plays, “what did I do wrong?” Russian roulette. I’m about to return to the lobby to have a new key made when the lock clicks and he swings the door open.
His expression is vacant, though his body is coiled up like a frightened, wounded animal in the face of a predator. “What do you want from me?”
I throw out my arms. “Are you serious? I don’t know, how about an explanation as to why you’re spiraling out again?”
So much for begging him to date me.
“None of your fucking business,” he mumbles, then goes to shut the door in my face. I catch it, splitting my knuckles on the metal doorframe. Ignoring the blood beading there, I shove my way into his room.
A flash of panic lights up Z’s pale, wide eyes as he backs up. We continue this aggressive dance until his ass bumps against his desk.
Nowhere to run now, Z.
“Tell me, does this have anything to do with the reason you quit Visage and disappeared five years ago?”
Not the ideal situation to admit that I know some truths about him, but I can’t help the little bit of venom seeping into my tone. Why can’t I be aggravated that he’s trying to keep me at arm’s length? He draws me in enough to give a taste of what we could be, then shoves me away.
His eyes narrow. “You don’t know shit about me.”
I am not an angry person. I’m not. And that’s evident in my lack of ability to control my flailing arms right now. “Other than the fact that you’re a phenomenal lyricist and musician, and the captor of my fucking heart, you’re right!” I yell. “I don’t know shit about you, but I want to. I want us. So bad it fucking keeps me up at night. So bad I ache for it every second of the day.”
He seals his eyes shut and shakes his head. “No. You need to quit, Hail. Quit fucking pushing this. I warned you that this thing between us isn’t a good idea. You keep dragging me into the uncomfortable.”
His words slice through me. Wincing, I step back. “That’s how you grow, Z. You volunteered to perform tonight. No one expected you to, though we were all more than happy to let you take the stage.”
“I didn’t agree to going out afterwards,” he mutters, turning his head away. “All I want is some peace and quiet. Maybe for eternity.”
My hands ball into fists. “Why didn’t you communicate that? No one would have cared if you just wanted to come back to the hotel. Hell, we would have all joined you.”
“No one should have to cater to me.”
“Who the hell says we’re catering, Z?” My voice rises. “We all like you. We want to spend time with you.”
A muscle in his jaw spasms, and then his body lowers to the floor. Heart lurching, I sink down with him, pressing my palm against his tear-soaked cheek. “This up and down thing is really fucking with me, sunshine. You’re giving me nothing to go off of here.”
He closes his eyes, fresh, hot tears spilling over my hand. He releases a defeated breath. “I can’t do this.”
