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Testing myself further, I head to the cemetery to hunt down Lex’s stone. It takes me a while to find it since I wasn’t present at his funeral. That would have meant admitting that he was dead.
I lean down and place my hand on his smooth stone. Tears spill from my eyes, but I don’t experience the usual crushing desire to stop breathing. To stop living.
“I’m so fucking sorry. I miss you every second of the day, Lex.”
With my last ties to London severed, and Selma’s blessing to go get my man back, I call a cab to take me to the airport. I’ve got a surprise opening set for this super famous band called Atonement and endless breakfast dates with a guy I’m madly in love with.
A whispered plea left unanswered
My duty sacrificed for the promise of pleasure
I become the eyes that watch
The hands that shove
The callous will that holds you under
I exist to be your downfall
Yeah, so I can become your saviour
I’m trembling when I finish holding the final note of the last song I wrote with Visage. When my gaze roves over the crowd in the sold-out venue, they’re teary-eyed as they shout back at me.
I’m not sure what I feel at first. Maybe hollow? Still a bit haunted, but not to the point where I feel like I need to erase myself. And that gives me hope.
My gaze sweeps to Hail standing at the edge of the stage where Sondra placed him as I took centre stage. My arrival tonight was kept a secret at my request, no matter how hard it was to stay away from him for another fucking minute. Maria keeps popping her head around him from behind, eager to capture his reaction on her phone for social media. She's a whirlwind of personality I haven't quite adjusted to, but I don't think she's going to give me a choice in this friendship.
Tears stream down Hail’s face. I tip my head in question, and then he’s charging across the stage. Cora takes my guitar in time for me to fully return Hail’s embrace. Letting out a sob, he buries his head in my neck. I kiss his cheek a dozen times, desperate to brand myself onto every bit of his skin.
“I missed you,” I whisper, clutching him tighter.
He laughs through his heaving, messy crying. “Not as much as I missed you.”
He pulls back, and I take his face in both hands and draw him into a kiss in front of thousands of witnesses.
Zander Graves is laid bare for all to see. Nothing left to hide. Nothing left to pick apart. Nothing left to drag me down.
Shrieks of joy erupt from the crowd, and I let out a full laugh, one that has Hail easing back with wide eyes like he’s seeing me for the first time. We've chatted over FaceTime almost every day since I reopened that line of communication, but it must be a bit of a shock to see me so carefree in person.
“Want to give them another song?” I ask, brushing a thumb over one of his tears and kissing the damp trail it leaves on his cheek.
We both take the stage as Atonement files out behind us, launching into a song we messed around with on the bus months ago. The crowd is practically frothing at the mouth over the new material, and I fucking love it. I can’t help but smile out at them, grateful they’ve accepted me and all of my faults. All of my darkness. I’m grateful they have it in their hearts to give me a second chance at living.
Thirty-Six
Hail
THREE MONTHS LATER
Thedoorstotherecording studio Liam purchased with cold, hard cash burst open.
Stasi appears with a sack of fast food, coated in a sheen of Texan sweat, and cringes when I shoot daggers at her with my eyes, my fingers pointing to the glowing red recording sign. Liam doesn’t even offer her a glance, something he’s taken to doing a lot since he’s become a full-time resident in Dallas.
My brain is at war on that matter. Check back in another time.
I draw my attention back to Z behind the glass of the recording booth. He’s lost in the melody of a new single he plans to release soon. As far as writing songs for other artists, he’s churned out absolute hits. He even wrote some heavy lyrics for Atonement because Malek got jealous and wanted a piece of him, too.
Maria, Atonement’s new vocalist, has taken to him like a puppy dog, constantly hugging on him. I think Z may have found a new best friend, whether he likes it or not. Although, judging by his appreciation for her homemade tamales, he doesn’t mind too much. They seem to both have an interest in fashion, too.
