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Three hours later,I’d finally washed all traces of Alonzo off of myself. Stepping out of the shower, I wrapped a towel around my waist and made my way into the bedroom where Marek was reading.
“Feel better?” he asked, dog-earing his page and setting the book on the nightstand.
“I forgot how much work it takes to saw through that many bones by hand,” I said, sinking on the edge of the bed and rubbing my shoulder.
“I don’t want to know,” Marek murmured, crawling over to me and swatting my hand out of the way so he could massage my neck and shoulder. “But you know, for next time, they have these things called power tools? Might help.”
“We have power tools. I wanted it to last longer.” When his hands stilled, I looked over my shoulder at him. “What’s the matter?”
“Nothing. The last few days have been… a lot.” He shook his head, crawling off the edge of the bed and getting to his feet.
Before he could get too far, I reached out and grabbed his hand, pulling him back to me. He stood between my legs with his hands on my shoulders and his lower lip caught between his teeth, refusing to meet my gaze. I didn’t pressure him to speak. I knew it would come in time, with enough patience.
“Look, Julia Roberts didnotprepare me for this. Ok? I have no idea what I’m supposed to do,” he said after a moment. “You’re the head of the Russian mob now. I inherited two kids overnight. Ken’s still out there. The police and the feds are on to you and even if they end up prosecuting someone else for Jude’s murder, they still know who you are.Andthey have to know Sergei and Dimitri are dead. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out you’re connected to the sudden disappearance of the Neon Kings, either, since youjustwent in there and threatened them, like, a week ago.
“So it’s only a matter of time before the cops are knocking on Delirium’s door again or they just come and arrest you and then where the fuck does that leave me? And the kids? And your fucking dog? I feel like we’ve been playing some fucked-up version of house and we haven’t even talked about what we’re going to do. WhatI’mgoing to do. So if you have another plan or long game or whatever the fuck you call your strategizing, now would be areallygreat time to tell me.”
Keeping my gaze on his, I turned my head and kissed his forearm. “Would you like to sit down?”
He eased onto the bed next to me, his face lined with worry.
I took his hand in mine, trying to remember all of his concerns as he listed them. They seemed to center around something happening to me, so that’s what I tended to first. “IfI were to be arrested, Anton knows what to do. He will take care of you and the childrenandNadia.IfI were to be killed, Anton and Valery both know what to do to take care of the four of you.
“Please, do not worry about the federal agent. And do not dwell on the police investigations. There are forensic countermeasures at every crime scene. Any evidence they find can be disputed, or is circumstantial at best. As a close friend of mine says, in the American legal system, it’s not what you know, it’s what you can prove.IfI am arrested, even the most junior lawyer would have the charges dismissed and I assure you I have access to some of the finest in the city.”
Marek still didn’t look convinced.
“And as far as the murders…” I continued, squeezing his hand lightly. “I’m counting on the fact the police link the Neon Kings to me, and by extension, Sergei and Dimitri. It explains their murders and the fact the Kings are no more. It’s no different than the dozens of other turf wars in this city. There’s no reason for the police to look any further. They don’t really care about criminals killing other criminals, nor do they have the resources to keep an investigation going. They care about closing cases and moving on.”
“What about Ken? Nirvana? All of that?”
“I don’t care about Nirvana. I never did. I only cared because Sergei cared and I wanted to stay alive. So long as you’re not involved with them, they can poison the whole city if they want.” I took his other hand in mine, running my thumbs over his knuckles. “And Ken dies tomorrow.”
Marek’s eyes widened. “Seriously?”
“Yes. I would rather not discuss the specifics with you but if you want me to, I will.”
He shook his head, his fingers tightening on mine. “No. That’s ok. After Alonzo, I don’t think I want to know.”
“You don’t look pleased.” I searched his face for the reason as to why. Under the scrutiny, he tried to stand, but I held onto his hands. After a moment, he relented, resuming his seat next to me.
“It’s just something you said the other night. You’ve done all of this stuff for me. This fucking awful stuff that could get you in a lot of trouble… for me. And I’m not worth it, Misha. I’m not worth the risk and the pain”—he looked pointedly at the bare wound on my abdomen—“and everything else you’ve gone through. And I am terrified of the day you wake up and realize that.”
“That day will never come.”
He shook his head, a touch of panic in his eyes. “You don’t know that!”
“I do. And if I have to tell you a hundred times every day how much I love you, or how incredible you are, then I will, even thoughI’mafraid that one of these days, you’ll be the one to leave.”
“Where am I going to go? Do you honestly think I’ll find someone like you again? No one has ever looked at me the way you do. And I still don’t get it. I don’t know if I ever will. But I’m trying really fucking hard not to question it anymore.”
I touched his cheek gently. “It took a lifetime of disappointment to make you the way you are. I don’t expect that to change overnight, nor do I expect you to believeanythingthat I say for a long time—if ever. I know words mean nothing to you, but I won’t stop telling you that I love you. And I promise I’m not going anywhere, no matter what.”
Leaning forward, Marek pressed his lips to mine lightly, like he was asking for permission.
I slipped my fingers into his dark hair and kissed him harder but he was still too far for my liking. Grabbing him by the hips, I hauled him closer. He awkwardly straddled my lap, pulling away with a frown.
“You’re going to hurt yourself.”
