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I almost choked on my tea before managing to swallow it roughly and set the mug down before I spilled it all over the breakfast Marek had made. “What?”
He glanced at my mug, looking a little less sure than he did a moment ago. “Because if this is how it’s going to be, we need to establish some things.”
“Such as?”
“If you want me to be your boy, fine. But you can’t be out there fucking around behind my back, getting blowjobs in the storage room.”
Ah. Sothat’swhat it was about.I shook my head in answer to his question. “No. I’m not. And for the record, I don’t want you to be my ‘boy.’” He blinked but masked his surprise quickly with his trademark suspicion, so I hurried to explain. “I don’t want a servant. I don’t want a living sex doll. You’re a grown man and I have no desire to put you in a cage. I want you, yes, but this”—I gestured between us—“isn’t about me controlling you. There’s a difference between taking care of someone and governing their entire existence. I’ve seen a lot of things in my life and I’ve done a lot of things, but I’m not a mindreader, Marek. You have a voice. I expect you to use it.”
The suspicion guttered like a flame and went out. “What else do you expect?”
“Only that, that you’ll speak to me instead of walling yourself off or running away. I cannot fix a problem if I don’t know there is one, nor can I make you happy if you’re not honest about what you want. And if you don’t know what you want, be honest aboutthat.”
He nodded, letting it sink in. “Ok. I don’t want you fucking around with Hayden anymore—or anyone else from work. I don’t want to be in the middle of a staff meeting, wondering about this kind of shit.”
“That’s over. It’s been over. Andthatwas never anything likethis. Not even close.”
I caressed the side of his face but he stood abruptly from the table and walked over to a pile of mail on the counter, swiping one of the letters he’d already read. Returning to his chair, he tossed the trifold paper on the table and raised his brows pointedly. “Lab results from the clinic. So you know I don’t have anything. I should have brought it up last night but I didn’t really think about it.”
I picked up the letter and moved it to the opposite side of the table, away from the bottle of syrup. While I appreciated the gesture—and the blatant honesty—I didn’t need to read it.
“You’re not going to look?” he asked, brow furrowed.
“You just told me you don’t have anything. Why would I look?”
“To make sure I’m not lying?”
“And undermine your words? Display doubt after Ijustasked for honesty?” I shook my head. “Your word is enough. And I’ll get tested too, so you can have the same reassurance.”
He nodded briefly, letting his gaze fall to the table. I could tell there was more he wanted to say but, as always, I had to demonstrate patience when it came to him. After a moment, I was rewarded. “I don’t do it anymore. The sex stuff. I haven’t in a while.”
“For your sake, I’m happy to hear it.” If it was something he wanted to do, or even enjoyed doing, we would have found a way to work through it. But with everything he told me, I would be damned if I stood by and let him do it because he didn’t see any other options.
“And I don’t deal anymore, either. I’m legit, thanks to you. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to rat on anyone,” he added quickly.
However frustrating it was, it was a decision I could respect. “There are things about me I cannot tell you for your own safety. Things Iwon’ttell you. I don’t want anyone to use you as a way to get to me. So as much as I wish you would tell me about Nirvana, I won’t force you.”
“‘Won’t force’ me, not ‘can’t force’ me?” He lifted both brows, recognizing the distinction between the words.
“With enough pressure, everything breaks—including people. You saw what happened to the man that hit you. Imagine what we do to extract information. EvenIwould break and I’m trained not to.”
“Does that mean you’re really planning to do something to Ken?” he asked quietly.
My jaw clenched before I could help it, so I offered him a grim smile. “As I said, he gets one warning. If he doesn’t heed it, I’ll make him regret the day he ever laid eyes on you.” His disappointment was almost tangible, hanging in the air like a heavy cloud, so I slid my hand along his leg, rubbing his thigh. “And when he is no longer necessary to Sergei’s operation, he will suffer greatly and then he’ll die.”
“You make it sound so simple.”
“It is simple. He hurt you.”
“So you’re going to whack everyone that’s ever hurt me?” Rolling his eyes, he scoffed and grabbed the dirty plates, carrying them to the sink.
I stood quickly and padded after him. As soon as the dishes were out of his hands, I spun him and hoisted him up onto the countertop, slotting myself between his legs. His eyes widened briefly but his breath quickened. Not out of fear, out of arousal.
“Listen to me.” Carding my fingers through his dark hair with both hands, I gripped the back of his head and pulled him closer, brushing his lips with mine but not quite kissing him yet. I needed his full attention and it seemed enticing him always yielded the most cooperation. “Give me a list and I’ll eliminate every name on it. It might not be tomorrow, or the day after, but sooner or later I’ll find them and erase them from existence.”
“Can I kiss you now?” he whispered, sliding his hands along the back of my bare arms, trying to close the space between us.
Holding him still, I smiled and happily gave him what he wanted, kissing him so fiercely that he whimpered. I loved that sound—I loved all of the noises he made, but that soft sound, a mix of relief and longing, drove me crazy.
