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Chapter 9
Nick—December 21st
Ifindparkingacrossthe street from Carl’s adorable townhouse. The entire building is dripping in bright icicle lights, like a frosted gingerbread house. Carl’s side of the duplex also has a single LED candle lit in each window and a wreath on the door.
The tree in the front window glows in a riot of rainbow lights and colorful ornaments. I drink in the sight of it with a smile on my face. His home is bursting with all the holiday cheer that so encapsulates the man I’m falling for—whoa, am I falling for Carl?
I take a moment in the car to compose myself, hands clenched on the steering wheel. I’m nervous to see Carl again after how fast he bolted last night. It was obvious he wasn’t comfortable with how we left things.
I hope his hasty retreat wasn’t because I was hard enough to pound nails when Mom walked in on us. This might not be a real relationship, but it may still be time to have a more in-depth conversation about how sex fits into things between us.
Temporary or not, things with Carl don’t feel casual anymore. They don’t feel fake either, but my track record with relationships is abysmal. I can’t see that improving with long-distance thrown into the equation once Mom is well enough for me to return to my life in the city.
I should keep my mouth shut and enjoy the good times while they last. Follow Carl’s lead when it comes to the kisses that are turning me inside out and leaving me wanting so much more of him.
Which means I need to go inside and face whatever uncomfortable conversation we need to have about last night. And then we can still hopefully make cookies as planned. Carl mentioned gingerbread while we were texting and I want nothing more than to taste his holiday spiced lips.
I get out of the car, pocketing my keys. As I mount the steps up to Carl’s place, the door on the other side of the duplex opens. A burst of throaty laughter precedes a stranger with striking features and long dark hair.
“Call me?” The stranger holds their hand up to their face, their thumb and pinkie extended in a gesture to match the request. Saint, standing in the entryway in nothing but a taupe bathrobe, loops a scarf around the back of his guest’s neck. He uses the ends to draw them close for a lingering kiss.
“Bye, Angel.” Saint releases his grip on the scarf and gives his hookup a nudge out the door.
“Bye, Saint. I’ll see you around.” Angel—I wonder if that’s a pet name—sighs.
They have a sad little smile fixed in place as they turn toward the sidewalk. They tuck their scarf around their neck against the winter chill. It’s clear they didn’t miss Saint dodging the promise, and equally clear that they’re smitten with Carl’s handsome ex. More luck to them.
“So, you’re the reason Carl has been swooning around on cloud nine all week?” Saint catches my eye and leans laconically on his door jamb. His eyes track Angel down the snowy sidewalk as he addresses me. It’s possible Angel’s continued interest isn’t as one-sided as Saint’s stoic facade made it seem—not my business. Then again, my relationship with Carl isn’t Saint’s business either. Not beyond whatever details Carl wants to share with him.
“We’ve been on a few dates,” I admit. Vain hope bubbles up in my chest. Carl genuinely seems to like me. It’s still oddly thrilling to hear that from an outside perspective, as if his outward happiness being remarked upon by his friends makes it more real. Not that I can do anything about my growing feelings. I push aside the glum thought and focus on our plan for a perfect holiday season.
“Good. Carl has a lot of love to give the right guy,” Saint says, arms crossed over his chest. Defensive? Or he could just be cold standing there in a bathrobe. “And he likes you, so don’t screw it up.”
“Like you did?” The words escape before I can bite them back. Some macho-grandstanding, insecure part of me that wants to challenge his place in Carl’s life is glad I said it. Heeding my more mature impulses, I rush to utter an apology. “Sorry, that was uncalled fo—”
“That’s not quite how things went down.” To my surprise, Saint chuckles. He tears his eyes off the corner where Angel turned out of sight to meet my eyes. There’s a hint of a smile in his twinkling eyes even as he tries to look serious. “Neither of us screwed up; we just make better friends than lovers, and I’ll leave it to him to explain the details of that if and when he’s ready to share. But when he does, be kind to him or you and I will have a problem.”
“I will keep that in mind.” It’s an easy promise to make; I can’t see myself being unkind to Carl, no matter what details of their relationship Saint is alluding to. It would be like kicking a puppy.
“Good man.” Saint straightens up and reaches to clap me on the shoulder. “Well? Don’t keep him waiting, he’s excited. Bestie kept me up half of last night talking my ear off about which cookies were the most romantic.” Saint rolls his eyes, but he’s grinning as he mutters something that sounds like ‘alimony’ under his breath. Then he goes back into his side of the duplex, leaving me to knock on Carl’s door. Carl mentioned that being a running joke between them.
Saint must have been right that Carl is excited. He opens the door as I’m midway through knocking.
“Hey! Did you find the place alright?” Carl steps aside. “Come on in and make yourself at home. It’s freezing out there. Brr.” He shivers theatrically and I can’t help grinning at him.
“Hi.” I want to pull him into my arms and kiss him in greeting, but I’m not sure where we stand on kisses after how last night ended. Instead, I stomp the snow off my boots. Then I step inside and shut the door before removing my outerwear. “I’m sure the baking will have me nice and toasty soon enough.”
“It will.” Carl grabs my jacket and hangs it in his hall closet while I line my boots up next to his in front of his baseboard heater. “I arranged all the ingredients, so we can get started right away, if you want?”
“I want.” Fuck it, this is our week of wish fulfillment and I want to kiss my holidate every chance I get. “But first, I really want to kiss you again. Is that alright?”
“Oh. Yes. Please.” Carl’s eyes flutter shut as I lean in to tip up his chin and press our lips together. He sighs out a happy little noise against me. It’s unreal that I’ve only been kissing him for a few days when we meld together so perfectly. I pull back and try to memorize his face and this moment.
“Mm.” I thumb over his full lips as I gaze into his eyes. “That is never going to get old.”
“Yeah,” Carl agrees breathily.
“I wasn’t sure if you wanted to stop after last night.”
