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“Goddamn,” he mutters, tipping my chin up to meet his eyes.“What are you doing to me, Victoria?”His mouth finds mine, and he kisses me with an intensity that could blow my kneecaps out if he weren’t holding me upright.Without another word, he grabs my hand, practically dragging me toward his ensuite.
* * *
As I walk into the office, I’m immediately struck by the warm ambiance.I’ve talked to Dr.Diedra on the phone before.She’s the best in the business, hired by my record label to help me navigate this rough patch.But being here in person feels different, more intimate, and that makes me nervous.
“How are you today?”Dr.Diedra asks, her eyes meeting mine as she sits.
“Anxious,” I reply, choosing my words carefully.
“Do you want to delve into what’s causing this anxiety?”she asks, pen poised over her notebook.
I hesitate.Sure, she’s reputable, even recommended by people I trust at the label.But trust doesn’t come easily to me, thanks to a childhood colored by my father’s infidelities.“I’m ready to talk about… the kidnapping,” I manage to say, avoiding eye contact.
Dr.Diedra puts her pen down, leaning forward.“Take all the time you need.You’re safe here.”
I opt for the bare details, cautiously skimming the surface of the emotional depth beneath.“I was captured, held for a day, and then released.That’s it.”
“And how did that make you feel?”she probes.
“Trapped,” I say, avoiding elaboration.I make no mention of the Valium I’ve been using to help me function, to help me forget.“Even now, I sometimes feel like I’m still in that room.”
“It sounds like you’re grappling with a complex form of trauma,” she says softly, sensing there’s more I’m not sharing.“And it’s important to remember you’re not alone, even if it feels that way.”
“I usually prefer to be alone,” I confess, adding a layer of context I’ve never ventured into before.“It’s easier than worrying about who might let you down next.My father cheated on my mom multiple times.Growing up around that, you start to question the sincerity of every ‘I love you’ or ‘I’m here for you.’You build these walls because you think they’ll protect you, but all they really do is lock you in.”
Dr.Diedra nods, absorbing my words.“It sounds like your father’s actions have had a profound impact on your ability to trust.It’s a defense mechanism, keeping people at arm’s length.”
“It’s not just him, though,” I continue, feeling a knot tighten in my chest.“I’ve had boyfriends who I never fully trusted, who I pushed away because letting them in felt like giving them permission to hurt me.So, I ended things before they had the chance.”
“Your experience with your father created a template for you, one that told you not to trust, especially the men in your life,” she observes.“But every new person isn’t your father or your ex-boyfriends.You are allowed to rewrite that template.”
“Is it that simple?”I ask, skeptical but intrigued.“Just write a new narrative for myself?”
“It’s simple in theory but difficult in practice,” Dr.Diedra admits.“It takes time to unlearn the protective behaviors we adopt.But it’s the only way to open yourself up to healthier relationships and better understand yourself.”I nod, contemplating her words.“Vulnerability is terrifying,” she adds.“But it’s also how we let someone truly see us.And perhaps that’s what you need.A safe space to be seen and not judged.”
I nod, taking in her wisdom even as I grapple with the fears that have long held me back.“Thank you, Dr.Diedra.This gives me a lot to think about.”
“And remember,” she adds as I stand to leave.“You don’t have to go through this journey alone.”
As I leave Dr.Diedra’s office, her words cling to me like a second skin.Maybe it’s not just the kidnapping stoking this wildfire of anxiety inside me.Maybe it’s also this armor of mistrust I’ve spent years forging.
Rewriting that narrative feels both tempting and overwhelming.Can I really tear down these walls I’ve built to keep everyone out, including myself?And yet, as I mull it over, I realize that Kingsley might just be the one person I could consider lowering my guard for, the one person I could dare to trust.
Maybe, just maybe, that’s a gamble worth taking.
17
Kingsley
“Stay back,” I find myself saying, my protective instincts kicking in full force as we walk from Dr.Diedra’s office to the café she picked out for breakfast.
It’s a short walk, just a few hundred feet, but the distance might as well be miles, given the challenges it poses.No sooner do we hit the sidewalk than a group of teenage girls spot her, swarming like bees to honey.They’re shouting, giggling, clamoring for selfies and autographs on everything from notebooks to their own arms.
I position myself subtly but effectively between Victoria and the excited fans, ensuring she has enough space while not being too intimidating.It’s a fine line to walk, respecting her public persona while maintaining my role as her protector.But as I watch her interact with the young fans—her smile genuine but her eyes showing a hint of vulnerability—I know I’m right where I need to be.Right here, by her side, keeping her safe in every way I know how.
“Thanks, girls,” she calls out, her smile genuine as they back away, their laughter echoing down the street.
Watching her, it’s like she’s straddling two different worlds—one of fame, the other of deeply personal challenges.She has this knack for showing the world a strong front while juggling a lot inside.
