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Maria explained we were out of time to perform the ways of their labor rituals. The labor came on hard and fast.
She tried to squat, then the staff assisted her in lying down.
When dilated, the baby’s bottom came into view. The doctor tried to maneuver the baby with his fingers, only the young mother’s heart gave out first.
Maria and I performed CPR for half an hour.
The doctor delivered the baby, yet they pronounced him dead at birth.
It was the most heartbreaking and traumatic day of my life, and I experienced it in my first month of volunteering.
I wanted to mourn their deaths with her family.
So, I sat with them and cried and cried.
Me, the woman who had left her own child to be here to help them.
I need to make it all worth it after this devastation.
13
EDEN
Placing Gran’s journal on the side table, I swipe a tear from my eye. Samuel stirs beside me so I give him a moment to wake.
“Morning,” I whisper. “Are you okay?”
He rolls onto his side and kisses me. “I am now.”
“These dreams,” I begin. “You’re having them regularly. You need to talk to someone, if not me.”
I stroke his face and wait for his eyes to open then he meets my gaze. “I’m not ready.”
“Samuel.”
“I’ll talk to you eventually. It’s not something I’m comfortable sharing, especially if questioned why I was there. I’m protecting the Ularans’ location.”
“I want you to talk to me. I’ll listen to you any time, but I hate seeing you suffer.” He doesn’t respond. “Can you tell me what happened last night?”
He shakes his head. “It’s not where I want to start. I’ll tell you about Kaikare and her bravery during the hardest days. It’s a positive memory, and it’s best I start there.”
I smile at my beautiful man. “Did she mention me?”
He kisses my lips. “Every day. She misses you, and said she tries to find your spirit when she takes the tea. She has connected with your Gran and hopes to connect with you too.”
I gasp. “She visualizes Gran?”
He smiles reassuringly.
“Can she connect with me even though I’m not dead?”
“I’ve been thinking about this. If there’s a time you could take ayahuasca safely, and if you connect with your Gran, which you already have, you could connect with Kaikare through your Gran’s spirit.”
This isn’t the conversation I thought I’d be having with Samuel, yet it has offered some hope.
“Wow.” I shake my head. “It’s like in the movieGhostwhen he’s in Whoopi’s body. She’s a host or medium or something.”
He chuckles lightly. “Or something.”
