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Yasmine meets my gaze. Her brown eyes hold warmth, and her expression tells me she’s not about to argue with me. “Michael and I will see a shaman, and then we’ll meet with Deanne again. He’s changed—”
“I know. He called Samuel the other night.”
“I heard. He realized the timing was off, but he wanted to set up another time. He’d only just heard the news, and he rang Samuel before anyone else because he wasn’t thinking straight.”
“It was nice of him to reach out to Samuel, only his work…” I pause and take another sip of wine to cool my throat. “It’s too early. He’s exhausted from work. At this rate, in a couple of weeks, he’ll be losing weight again from the stress.” I meet Yasmine’s gaze before saying what worries me most. “He hasn’t given himself time to grieve.”
“He could end up with PTSD,” Yasmine whispers.
“At the very least.” Pulling my phone from my jacket pocket, I check the screen for missed calls before dropping it back in my pocket. “I’ve bought him a journal and hope he’ll make entries to ease the emotion he has inside. Of all the people, he knows how to handle grief, yet he continues to suffer and not share the burden with anyone.”
Yasmine rests a hand on my arm. “You’re waiting for him to break?”
An image of a waif-like Samuel flashes into my mind. He’s withdrawn from society, and I feel his pain in a dark cave where he refuses to come out. “I keep seeing this image,” I whisper.
“It’s not real, Edes. That’syourfear.”
“I know. I can’t even tell what stage of grief he’s suffering. For the months after the shaman’s death, I can’t imagine him being in denial or anger as he bore a tremendous responsibility, and they were all close to dying. I sense guilt, and he’s not going through the stages like other people, and it’s a problem.”
“How we cope is a personal journey. In Ulara, Samuel learned to view the world and deal with emotion differently than the rest of us. He needs time to process and adjust to his new life.”
I sniff and wipe my eyes. I’m not crying, yet the tears fall on their own. Talking helps release the tension and the fear building inside me every day. “Part of his new life, going back to work in a hospital, is what will be his downfall. You know Samuel… he made a promise, and he’ll never break it.”
“Edes.” She rubs my back. “Let it go. I know you want to protect him, but you have a battle on your hands that might end unfavorably for you. Give him the journal. Give him time. He’ll find his way home.” She offers a warm smile that reaches her brown eyes, knowing it’s supposed to comfort me, yet I can’t rid the gut feeling he won’t be fine. “Find something to distract you.”
“I’ve been reading Gran’s journal, and it helps.”
“Good. Go home and read some more but please stop stressing.”
Rose stands and walks to the television then points to the screen. “Dogga. Dogga.”
“Did you see that?” Yasmine’s eyes widen.
“You walked by yourself,” I sing. “She has taken a few steps, although she’s all wobbly. To stand and walk, what a clever girl.” I clap my hands, and Rose turns around. “You walked, Rose.”
“And Aunty Yas got to see it first,” Yasmine cheers.
I laugh at Yasmine. “She wants to watchBluey.”
“Anything for our angel.” Yasmine turns on the television.
“You never told me the date of your flight?”
Yasmine pulls a throw blanket over her knees. “First weekend in November. I can’t wait. It’s the beginning of the wet season, but I hope it’s not too heavy to visit Iquitos and do the ceremony straight up. We can tour later.”
“Except you’ll stay and prepare for a week?”
“Aha. I really can’t wait, Edes. It’s all I think about.”
I reach for her hand. “Please listen to Samuel and follow his guidelines. You might see a vision, you might not. It’s unpredictable. Whatever you choose, please stay safe.”
“Of course.” She brushes off my concern.
“When will you be home?”
“A few days before Christmas.”
Christmas.
