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“I can assure you she’s of no danger to us.” He unbuttons the top few buttons, checks himself in the mirror, and leaves the room.
I follow him. “It’s our personal space. Our belongings. I’m happy to do it.”
“All material things that can be replaced.”
My jaw drops for the second time tonight. “We don’t need a cleaner every day.”
He stops and turns to me with an exasperated expression. “My mother has OCD. For peace and to comfort her tendency, it’s easier to have Joan come every day while they’re here. Then I told her we can plan something permanent even once a fortnight after I discuss it with you.” He turns to finish unbuttoning his shirt and drops it into the laundry chute.
He hangs his trousers and then climbs into bed, pulling the bedcovers up to his neck.
Inhaling a deep breath, I try a different angle. “I guess there’s much for me to learn about your mother, although I sensed her concern for you.”
Samuel rolls onto his side. “Eden, I didn’t have a good day, and I don’t have the energy to talk about it tonight. I’m thankful for all you’re doing, and I’m happy to chat tomorrow. But please, not tonight.”
35
SAMUEL
Thirty minutes of CPR and no sign of life.
Calling it never feels right.
When Dr. Tolley told Samuel to stop, he wanted to continue with compressions. The guilt of losing his friends never leaves him, and in a hospital with modern medicine, they still couldn’t save the forty-year-old man, a father to three children.
Samuel squeezes his eyes tight and wills himself to get a decent night’s sleep.Please, no nightmares tonight, he says in his head. The logical side of his brain kicks in, reminding him of the facts.
Death is inevitable. From the day we’re born, we are destined to die. The preferable cause is aging after a quality life, yet the percentage of accidental deaths or lifestyle choices exacerbates premature death. Then he thinks of childhood diseases. Cancer. The very thing that drove him to search for a cure rather than treat the symptoms.
Samuel has done a full circle, and while he’s not satisfied by his career choice, it’s the only option to be here with Eden until he proves he’ll not disappear and be reckless again.
Reckless.
If only his father knew the truth of how he came to stay in Ulara. And yet his journey to find a safer haven for the Ularan people was just that.
Reckless.
Many of them died in doing so with thoughtless consideration for his own health. Longevity is now in doubt after the stress he placed on his body. Modern medicine fails to find an explanation, yet in his heart, he knows it’s a combination of physical and mental problems.
To make matters worse, the hospital has a shortage of staff and beds, and he understands why his employment got fast-tracked. He has committed to staying back and helping. What other choice does he have when he has taken a vow to heal? A vow where prevention is preferable to a cure.
Prevention must be a mindset in society.
He lets out a sigh.
He needs to get off the merry-go-round.
Set a plan and work toward it.
Ayahuasca can help him do this.
A place where he can clear his head and fight the demons threatening to undo him.
Visualizing the vivid colors of ayahuasca in his mind, he imagines the kaleidoscope of neon lights and changing patterns before fingers flick through the filing cabinet of thoughts and memories before dissecting each piece of emotion.
Hopefully, it’s enough to lull him into sleep.
* * *
