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When I walk into the living room, the sight that greets me has the breath stalling in my lungs. Saoirse is there on the couch with her legs tucked underneath her in a way I’ve seen a thousand times before.
Her hair is the most beautiful red color I’ve ever seen. It looks like it might have gotten longer since she’s been gone, but right now it’s braided and hanging over her shoulder. She’s smiling at something Roisin is saying to her, and my heart feels lighter because I’m seeing her in person for the first time in far too fucking long.
I’m not close enough to see her eyes, yet, but I know they’re a beautiful blue which have always seemed to see right to the heart of me. I shouldn’t have denied myself for so long. Looking at her now, I realize just how dark the world around me has been since she left.
I shouldn’t have let her leave.
I should have faced my feelings and our future instead of being a coward.
Even though it might make me look like a creep, I take a moment and watch her. She looks happy on the outside, but I can’t help but feel a little sadness coming from her. Is it my fault? Did I wait too long? Is California where she wants to be?
When her eyes lift to mine, they widen slightly in surprise. I swear they start to sparkle as well.
Fuck me. I’ve been denying both of us what we need in our lives for far too long. But it ends now.
“Hi, Saoirse,” my voice comes out deeper and gruffer than I intend, and I can only hope that Declan doesn’t notice. “I’m glad you’re home.”
The surprise on my beautiful woman’s face is quickly shuttered behind a neutral mask I hate. “Nice to see you again, Conor,” there’s an icy quality to her voice.
It’s okay. I know I put it there. She’s trying to shield and protect herself. With the distance that I’ve put between us, I wouldn’t expect anything less from her. I just need a chance to break through her walls and prove to her I’m not going anywhere. Not only that, but I won’t let her run from me, from us, again.
She might have my entire world crumbling down around me with how much I want her, but it’s time I embrace the destruction. We’ll rebuild—better and stronger—toward a future I crave with everything inside of me.
Saoirse is mine, she just doesn’t know it yet.
CHAPTER 5
SAOIRSE
It’s damn good to be home. I’ve never been obsessed with shopping, but being in Back Bay and shopping is so different from the trips Isla talked me into while we were at school. I might be bundled up in my jacket with my scarf and gloves, but this is the way I love to shop. I know this place and it’s bringing back the holiday spirit I was missing while at school.
I guess I needed the cold and biting wind to make it feel like the holidays are right around the corner. Who knew?
The lights and window displays are gorgeous, and I find the stress and frustration of not feeling settled for the last few months melting away. This is what I’ve been looking for. This is what I’ve missed.
I hook my arm through Roisin’s as we’re walking down the street to our next destination. I don’t think I could have chosen a better person for my brother to fall in love with. It’s clear she doesn’t care about my brother’s power and isn’t using him. I’m so damn happy for them.
They filled me in last night about how they got together and while it was kind of a rocky start, they’ve found their footing. I’m glad Roisin is now safe from her family. I was a little surprised to find out she was sent in to spy on him and find out secrets for her father and another man loyal to the cause of Northern Irish independence.
A fury I’ve rarely felt before filled me and I pointed a finger at my brother. “You better have made sure they won’t touch her again.”
Declan’s eyes softened and his mouth turned up with a hint of amusement as he held up his hands in surrender. “Of course. I wouldn’t let anything happen to her,” he assured me. “They got the message.”
I nodded, happy to have at least that much.
Declan has never shared much about his business with me, and I never pushed. Plausible deniability is a thing and I’m a big believer in it. I would never want to be used against my brother in any capacity.
Now I’m in my city, with my soon-to-be sister at my side, and we’re enjoying a day of shopping. I’ve already found a gift for Declan. I’m going to need to be sneaky to find the right gift for Roisin, but I’ll figure it out when I find it.
I’m not going to lie; I’ve done a little shopping for myself while we’ve been out. The stores just hit differently here, I guess. I was never able to find much when Isla dragged me out for one of her shopping adventures.
I’m trying to ignore the shadow behind us as we’re walking, but it’s difficult. I was not prepared for Conor to show up at the house last night. With how much he’s been avoiding me for so long, I thought for sure he would continue the status quo. Hell, I was convinced I wouldn’t see him until next year, and maybe not even then.
The way he looked at me last night, his seafoam green eyes so fucking expressive, it was almost like he missed me. But that couldn’t be right. Could it?
How could he have missed me? He was out of my life long before I went off to school. It was his choice, not mine.
I would have kept him close if it had been up to me. I would have even buried my feelings for him. It wouldn’t have been easy, but I would have found a way.
