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I swear I’ve aged so fucking much in the last few months with her so far away. I wanted to call her so many fucking times. I never did.
I put too much distance between us. I know it’s on me, but it’s not like I ever really wanted to. She was too fucking young when I noticed the way she would look at me.
I couldn’t think of her as anything other than Declan’s sister.
Then everything changed and now I can’t think of her as anything other than mine.
It’s going to be difficult not to run to her the moment she gets home. Declan is going to pick her up, but going with him would raise some big red fucking flags. Declan noticed I put some space between us, even though he never said anything, and he’d notice if I was an eager fucking puppy to see her again.
He probably already has his suspicions. I’ve been difficult as fuck to be around since she left.
How do you go on day after day when there’s no more sunshine in your life? I didn’t realize she was mine and then she was gone. I have zero doubt that I’m partly to blame for her choosing to go so far away.
“Tomorrow,” I murmur in the darkness of my room.
I probably won’t sleep tonight and if I do, I’m sure my dreams will be filled with my woman. She’s almost close enough to touch and this time I’m not going to let anything stop me from taking what’s mine.
Declan will probably be pissed, but he won’t have any choice but to get over it. I’m not walking away from her again. She’s my sweet ruin and I’ll gladly crumble at her feet.
CHAPTER 3
SAOIRSE
As I step out of the airport, I’m instantly assaulted by the cold air. A year ago, it would have been an annoyance, but right now I welcome it. Maybe it was a mistake to not come home for Thanksgiving. I wouldn’t feel so emotional right now if this weren’t the first time coming home since I left before the school year started.
It’s just that the break was so short, and Isla was kind enough to invite me to her family’s house for the holiday. I didn’t want to travel during such a busy time when it would only be for a few days.
I also wanted to really be sure about my decision to leave California. I had already applied for transfers, but I just wanted a few days away from everything. It worked too. I decided, and I was even happier I went home with Isla since I’d be leaving her before the New Year.
Now I’m back home and it feels like I never left while also feeling like it’s been about ten lifetimes since I’ve been here.
How is that possible?
I take a deep breath and barely stop myself from spinning in a giddy circle. That would not be a good look. Especially if, heaven forbid, Conor came with Declan to pick me up. Yes, fine, that’s mostly wishful thinking on my part, but can you blame me?
The man dug a giant divide between us which widened right around the time I turned 18. It hasn’t even been a year and I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve seen him since my birthday. Hell, the number of words we’ve spoken to each other is even less.
A pang of sadness washes through me at the reminder. We used to talk. Not that stupid and simple ‘how was your day’ crap, either, although we did have those conversations as well. We would talk about life, and he always seemed so interested in my hopes and dreams.
Then it just kind of stopped.
It broke my heart, and I was even more determined to go through with my plan of heading as far away from Boston as I could get.
It really was for the best. Now I know I never want to live in California again. It’s a nice place to visit, don’t get me wrong. But living there?
No thanks.
I need the cold and rain. I even missed the dirty city. I know where everything is in Boston. I know its secrets and its hidden gems.
It’s home.
“Saoirse,” is shouted from a little way away and I look up to find Declan parked, out of his car, and striding toward me.
I can’t help but smile at my brother. I’ve missed him. When he gets to me, he wraps me up in a huge hug, the kind of hug that helps you breathe again when you are on the verge of losing the last remnants of your sanity or your heart.
He grounds me with something so simple. I don’t think he understands how much he means to me, and how much I appreciate how he put a lot of his life on hold to take care of me. And he did it while taking over for our father as the head of the McCarthy empire.
It must have been no small task for him as a young man who was also grieving.
