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Uh, I meanfakeboyfriend.
Because this is all fake. I am definitely not falling for my fake boyfriend in a very real way. Nope. That would be silly and completely defeat the purpose of having him pretend to be my boyfriend so that my family doesn’t bug my about finding a man.
Alright, fine. I’ve gone from falling for him to completely in love. It’s bad. I’ve got it bad.
He’s just made it so easy. We don’t know each other well at all, but we fit together like we’ve known each other for our whole lives. Every new thing I learn about him is something new to love, and it’s getting bad. I don’t know how I’m going to be able to part with him at the end of this trip. I don’twantto.
But … I’m terrified that he will. Matt’s been so sweet this whole time, but I can’t help wondering what’s real between us and what isn’t. My mind drifts back to the first night we had here, where he took me in his arms and made me feel things I’ve never felt before. I think about what he said to my cousin last night, how he told me that he really thought what he said was true. He kissed me good night last night, pressing me into the wall and claiming me thoroughly with his mouth. I couldn’t stop thinking about it and it followed me into my dreams. Things like that make this all feel so much more real, but what if it isn’t?
What if he’s just being nice? What if this is just a casual thing for him?
I fight the urge to chew my nails as I watch Matt let another one of my cousin’s kids climb into his lap. He’s been doing this for hours, but he hasn’t shown signs of getting tired of being Santa yet.
When I first saw him in the Santa suit after supper, I wanted to laugh. It’s a little short on him because he’s so tall, and the idea of my fake boyfriend being Santa for the family Christmas just felt silly. But he smiled down at me—or at least, I think he did, his eyes were shining like he was even though I couldn’t see his mouth through the fake white beard—and picked me up to give me a kiss. He hadn’t put the belly shaped pillow on under the red coat, so I could feel each of his muscles flex against me as he did it.
And now I’m watching him laugh and play with all of the kids and my heart can hardly take it.
I never expected him to be this good with children. Little Mila has crawled into his lap like six times to change her mind about what she wants for Christmas next year and he hasn’t batted an eye about it. Tara has asked for a puppy and pouted when he said he had to check his Nice List, but he assured her that even if she wasn’t on it yet, she still had time for next year. He can already tell the identical twin toddlers Hunter and Hayden apart, andIcan’t even do that yet.
It makes me wonder what he might be like with kids. If he wants kids at all.
I sigh inwardly and take a sip of my sparkling apple cider.
The more I watch him charm everyone in the room, the more I want to climb into his lap and tell the kids to buzz off. I want him for myself. Maybe that’d get me landed on the Naughty List, but I’m past caring. I can’t stop thinking about if what we have is real, and if he wants to explore more.
What if he says no?
My stomach churns with nerves. Anxiety trickles through me, making me feel instantly exhausted. I’m setting myself up for failure and I know it. I can’t help that I’ve caught feelings for him. Before I can work myself up more, I excuse myself and head upstairs to my bedroom. I fight back tears the whole way there. I’ll be fine, I just need a little time alone is all.
Unfortunately, I don’t get that time. There’s a rustle at the door and honestly, the fact that I can’t get any privacy even when I have my own room to sleep in is infuriating. When I turn to tell the intruder to leave, however, I see Matt standing in the doorway, filling it with his tall, broad frame. He’s still in the Santa suit, but he’s pulled the beard down beneath his chin. It means I can see the concern set in the lines of his handsome face as he looks down at me.
“What’s wrong?” he asks as he steps into my room and closes the door behind himself.
“Nothing,” I say quickly, blinking away the tears in hopes that he won’t see them.
“Don’t lie to me, sweetheart,” he growls as he steps closer. Something strange flutters low in my gut. “I’m tired of you trying to hide how you feel. Tell me what’s wrong.”
I look at him and can feel my heart beginning to break in my chest. How am I supposed to give up this man? He looks ridiculous in this costume, and yet that doesn’t make my feelings change. No, I’m hopelessly in love with him and there’s nothing I can do about it.
“I’m just—” I grit out, before looking at my feet. “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep this fake relationship up any longer.”
“What?”
It comes out before I can make myself shove it back into a box in my head. “I have feelings for you!”
When I look up at him, he’s frozen mid-step. His brow is furrowed as he looks down at me, but before he can say anything to me, everything in my head comes spilling out.
“I thought I could do it. I thought I could make it through this trip without falling for you. I know this is supposed to be fake, but you’ve been so kind and wonderful this whole time that I couldn’t help it. I’ve never had someone make me feel the way you do, and I know you’ve been doing all of this as part of the act, but I can’t help it.”
My heart pounds in my chest as I watch him take in everything I said. His eyes are practically burning me as they stare me down. He’s so still as I speak that I’m not even sure if he’s breathing.
“I love you,” I shrug, tears beginning to trickle down my cheeks. “That’s all.”
His voice is rough as he starts to step closer to me. “This is what was making you upset downstairs?”
“It’s okay if you don’t want me back,” I mutter as I turn away. “A man like you would never want someone like me anyway.”
“You don’t understand, sweetheart,” he rasps. He cups my face with his big, callused hands. “This whole time, I thought this was just an act, even though it was becoming real for me. You aren’t the only one with feelings.”
