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He nodded. “Much to my mother’s irritation. And my daughter’s.”
“Your children are beautiful. Both of them look so much like you.”
His brows raised. “Stalking me?”
Shrugging, she replied, “A little. I didn’t give you much of a chance to tell me about your life when we had dinner. I wanted to know.Wantto know. Curiosity got the better of me.”
“Didn’t you ever look me up before?” He leaned back in his chair.
Biting the inside of her bottom lip, she sighed. “No. My mother told me you’d married, as I mentioned. I just couldn’t see pictures of you with someone else.” His eyes squinted as he assessed her. “When Nicholas died, I thought you were married, and I wasn’t going to do anything to interrupt that in any way. I wasn’t allowed … on social media at all before this past year, so I didn’t have any idea how to search.” She shifted in her chair, his staring making her nervous. “I took some refresher courses at the college in Madison, and a classmate told me how out of touch I was and helped me get set up. I only looked for you out there this week.”
He inhaled deeply, held it and slowly exhaled. “I married the same year I got out of the Army. Had Leesa the following year, Mattox, two years later. I’ve been divorced for ten years.” His eyes held hers. He slowly sat up and laid his forearms on the desktop. His voice dropped. “I never stopped thinking about you.”
A sob escaped her throat, and her hands flew to her face. Her eyes flooded with tears as she watched him rapidly swallow. His jaw tightened. He never looked away from her.
Reaching for the tissues on the corner of his desk, he pulled one from the box, stood, and walked to sit in the chair next to her. He handed her the tissue and waited as she dabbed at her eyes.
When she’d finished drying her tears and swiping at her nose, he cleared his throat. “Kiera. I can’t let you break my heart again. I won’t survive another time.”
She brusquely turned in her chair, caught his hands in hers and squeezed them tight. “I swear to you I won’t break your heart again. I’m so sorry I had to in the first place.”
“That’s just it; you didn’t have to. You could have said something. We could have gone to the police. We could have done something.”
“You don’t know what he was capable of. It was too risky. I couldn’t risk you getting hurt. Or worse.”
“Don’t you see? You took that decision away from me. You didn’t let me make the decision for myself.”
He jumped up, and she helplessly watched as he stomped away from her to the opposite side of the room. Sliding his beautiful hands into the front pockets of his jeans, she admired his physique once more. He was a beautiful man. Inside and out.
Her brows pinched together as his words sank in. Her mouth opened, but words didn’t come. Closing her mouth, she rubbed her right temple with shaky fingers, then pinched the bridge of her nose.
“Oh, my God.” Shaking her head. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think of it like that.” She stood and crossed the room to him. “I’m so sorry, David.” She placed her hands on his chest and looked into his eyes. “Please. Please, forgive me.”
* * *
He didn’t move for a long time. Looking into her hazel eyes, so pretty with her spiky lashes, so earnest, his jaw ticked as he worked out his thoughts. It was the apology he was looking for, and, the look on her face, as his words registered, told him she truly hadn’t thought about how this looked from his point of view. The back of his fingers brushed across her cheek, the warmth and softness of her skin sending a jolt through his body. He could smell her clean, fresh scent, like laundry that had hung on the line. Pure and wholesome. If she only knew she had the power to totally destroy him.
He swallowed. “Is this what you came up here for?” His voice was gruff, so he cleared the emotions from his throat and tried again. “I mean, why did you stop in this morning, Kiera?”
Her hands stiffened on his chest, then relaxed. “I need to look at a few buildings in the area for Gray. He wants a building with specific architecture, and there’s an area in downtown Green Bay, in the old factory district with some of the elements. I wondered if you’d be interested in seeing them with me and spending some time together.”
His heart hammered in his chest. Spend the day with her? He’d love nothing more, but that put him at risk to fall in love with her all over again as the old familiar feelings flooded back to him. Still, if he didn’t give her the chance – them the chance—to see if they were still compatible, he could very well regret it for the remainder of his days.
She removed her hands from his chest, and her eyes dropped to her hands. “I have to be honest and tell you something.” He noticed her fingers were shaky as she tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “I suffer … I have a form of PTSD. I get panic attacks when I’m in places that are crowded with people.” She shook her head, but he placed his fingers under her chin and tipped her face up to his.
He searched her eyes. Her lips trembled into a slight smile. “It’s stupid, I guess, but I can’t get over the feeling that I’m being watched. Nicholas never let me go anywhere on my own. I was always under surveillance and … I can’t seem to get over it.”
His stomach lurched as once again the helpless feeling flooded over him that he wasn’t able to help her. She’d been through so much. For him. She’d endured so much to make sure he would be safe. His heartbeat increased, and his neck muscles tightened at the sad look on her face. She was baring her soul to him in a way, telling him about her faults, ailments, and issues. It was an honor to be trusted with her secrets. Nevertheless, he needed to ask, “Does everyone know about your PTSD?”
She shook her head and her brows bunched in confusion. “No. I don’t tell people about it. They’d think I was weak.”
“No, they …” She flinched, and he stopped and softened his tone. “Some would, I suppose; most wouldn’t, but it’s your secret. You only need to tell those whom you trust to tell it to.”
Her voice was whisper soft. “Thank you.”
12
She was thrilled and relieved that he’d said he’d join her. They’d planned to meet here in her office at noon, stop for lunch somewhere, and then head to the downtown area where Gray had asked her to go and take in the glass façade and figure out how to incorporate green space into the design.
