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“She is Sarah’s aunt.Who I am putting up with for my daughter’s sake.If Sarah didn’t love her so much, she wouldn’t be here.I’d rather not have to see her ever again.”
“Like I said, he needs glasses,” Scott said, looking at me as if I were insane.
“You’re old enough to know by now that beauty is only skin deep and a person’s nature can make them ugly.When I look at Oakley, I don’t see anything worth keeping.”It was a lie, and the moment I said it, I felt guilty.
Movement from the doorway caught my attention, and I turned my head to see Oakley standing there, staring at me as if I had just slapped her face.Those blue eyes were wide, and—fuck me—they were wet with unshed tears before she spun around and was gone.That was something I hadn’t meant for her to hear.I didn’t want to hurt her, just keep her at arm’s length.No, screw that.I needed to keep her at a football field’s length.
“I might not know her,” Porter said.“But I’m real good at reading people.Have been most of my life.Ain’t never once been fooled by someone.And the couple of hours I’ve spent around that girl, watched her with Sarah and your mom, well, I think you are wrong, son.That pretty face has a kind heart to go with it.You’d better not let your momma hear you talk about her like that.I think Azalea has already fallen in love with her.”He clamped his hand on my shoulder.“Good luck with that.”
My throat burned as I sat there, fighting the urge to go apologize to Oakley.No one else seemed to have noticed her overhearing me.But I knew she had.
Even after the shit she had put me through, the hell I had lived through because of her, I still couldn’t bring myself to hate her.I had lied to myself for years, claiming I hated her, but faced with the reality, I knew it was never true.She’d broken my heart.That was what I had hated.Not her.I doubted I ever could.
Nineteen
Oakley
Get through this meal and leave.That was all I had to do.
I was a pro at pretending.God knew I had pretended my way through every holiday at my dad and Cleo’s since they’d gotten married.Remembering when the holidays had been exciting and full of joy were hard.My memories of Mom were so few, but the ones I did have, I clung to.
Until Wilder had shown up, I had let myself enjoy this.The family, laughter, love that they had for one another.It was something I had always wanted.Even now, I was thankful that Sarah had this.Her dad might hate me, but he loved her.This was their family holiday, and I felt like I was in the way.Maybe I should leave before the meal.Make up an excuse.
“The charcuterie board was a hit.There is barely anything left,” Azalea told me, holding it up to show me the three crackers and handful of berries left on it.
Forcing a smile I didn’t feel—and doubted I was going to for the rest of the day or possibly week—I replied, “I’m glad.Sarah worked hard on that.”
Azalea gave me a knowing look.“As did you.”
I shrugged.Why was the fact that she was so nice to me making it harder for me to hold back tears?I had to get out of this house.I refused to embarrass myself and ruin their Thanksgiving by being a baby.Sure, it was not a surprise that Wilder hated me.So, why was I being so sensitive about it now?Ugh!I needed to get myself together.It wasn’t that time of the month.
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I straightened and beamed as brightly as I could.“This has been so much fun, and thank you for having me, but I need to leave if I’m going to make it to my family’s Thanksgiving.”That was a lie.I hadn’t been invited to their house, and after being here, I didn’t want to go there.
However, I had told Hamilton I would try and get back in time to go with him to see the lighting of the trees downtown tonight.I couldn’t be back in time to eat with him, but perhaps I needed to do this.Give this thing with him a real chance.
“What?But we haven’t eaten yet.You’ve helped so much with everything.I’d hate for you to go without even getting to enjoy the meal.”
Azalea looked so upset that I almost changed my mind.I wanted to stick it out for her sake, but I couldn’t be sure that I wouldn’t burst into tears if Wilder made another negative comment about me.He might have invited me, but he did not want me here.
“I enjoyed being with all of you and getting to see Sarah so happy and loved.It did my heart good.Thank you for letting me tag along for a bit, but Wilder is back, and it’s time for family.I need to move on and go be with mine.”
Azalea took off the oven mitts she had been wearing and walked around the counter to pull me into an unexpected hug.I blinked back the tears and prayed I could keep it together.It had been a while since I’d had real affection from anyone other than Sarah.Having a mom figure do it was wonderful and painful, all at the same time.I liked Azalea.I liked Porter and Jojo.I even like Scott, although he needed to pay more attention to Delaney, his date.These people were what families should be like.
“I can’t tell you how thankful I am that Sarah has you.All I knew of you before today was what a beauty you were, but that beauty goes deep.You are a good soul, and I want that female influence in my granddaughter’s life.You’re welcome here anytime,” she said as she hugged me tightly, then stepped back.“Sure you can’t stay just for a small plate of food?My dressing is the best in town,” she urged.
I was about to break down.Any minute now.
I shook my head.“I can’t, but I wish I could,” I told her, and that was the truth.I did wish I could have this day to experience, but that would require everyone wanting me here.It was clear I wasn’t welcome by one person, and that one was painfully the one that mattered to me.At least a close second to Sarah.
She nodded, still frowning.“I understand.I know your family needs you.Especially this year.”She meant with Sylvia being gone.We weren’t that kind of family, but she need not know that.
“Thank you again for everything,” I told her just as Sarah rushed back into the room from the bathroom break she had taken.
She stopped, her eyes going from me to her Honey.
“What’s wrong?”she asked, walking slowly toward me.
I had to be strong for her sake.Make this easy on her and not leave here with her worried about me.
