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I had no answer for her, but even if I did, why should I tell her?It wasn’t her business.I had never signed the house over to Sylvia because I hadn’t trusted her.I wanted Oakley to have a home, a house, a yard, a fucking dog.Even if she couldn’t have two parents under one roof, I wanted to give her everything else I could.I paid all their bills, including the mortgage.
“I don’t know.I guess sell it.My life isn’t here.I can’t move back here,” I replied, wishing those damn eyes of hers didn’t make me talk.Say shit I didn’t have to.
Oakley placed the can down on the bar and stared out the window over the kitchen sink.“Not real sure her memories of this house, at least in the last few years, are some she wants to remember,” Oakley said solemnly.Then, she turned to meet my gaze.“Sell it.Move her to Florida, give her a fresh start.Help erase all … all the bad.”
The bad that I should have been told about.The bad that she wouldn’t have lived through if she had been with me.My hands fisted at my sides.
Belladonna let out another low growl.
“It’s best you stop with the pent-up anger at me.If you want Belladonna to like you, that is,” Oakley said.
I wasn’t going to be threatened by a dog that looked like an overgrown stuffed bear.Ignoring her warning, I scowled.“I didn’t know it had gotten bad.That Sylvia had stopped taking her meds.Sarah never told me anything.I can’t—” I paused and hissed at the ache in my chest.“I failed her.”
I wanted to shout that she had failed her too.But I didn’t.For Sarah’s sake.
For a brief moment, just a tiny fraction, there was a flicker of something other than indifference.As if she might care deep down or simply remember when she had.I missed the girl I had destroyed.She still haunted my dreams.The first time I had seen her, the first time she’d turned those blue eyes on me and smiled.I wasn’t sure I’d ever truly be able to let her go.At least not in my memories.The woman she had become, her actions, that person I would never love.I would tolerate her for my daughter.
“We did everything we could to get Sylvia help.She chose not to take her medication.She chose not to go to the therapist.This was her choice.This wasn’t your fault.You didn’t know.We didn’t tell you.Cleo was afraid you’d take Sarah from Sylvia if you knew.If you want to blame someone, blame us.You deserved to know.It was me who failed Sarah.I was the one who should have told you.Instead, I came to get Sarah and keep her with me, or I stayed here.But I couldn’t always be there for her.I have a job, and it interfered some.She … she should have been with you.I’m the one who has to live with that.Me.Not you.”
I stood there, staring at the girl who had been my sole obsession years ago.I’d have done anything to have her, and I had.She was a light in my darkness.She’d given me fucking joy.Made me want to be a better man.Watching the anguish on her face while she blamed herself for all that Sarah had lived through took some of that hatred in my chest from me.It was hard to listen to her blame herself even if I had.
The man I had been before Sylvia, the guy who had fallen in love with Oakley at first sight, wanted to go pull her into my arms and assure her that this shit was on me.Sarah was my daughter.I had known Sylvia battled with bipolar disorder, but I had thought that she was taking her medication and seeing her therapist.When I asked, she told me she was, and I believed her.
Oakley had known, and she was right.She was to blame.Sarah had suffered, and Oakley could have stopped it.If she’d done something, then Sylvia might not have taken her own life.If she had told me, I could have come back and forced Sylvia to get help.But Oakley had done none of those things, and my daughter’s mother was dead.
Two
Oakley
“Oaky!”Sarah’s voice squealed the only name she’d ever called me.“You brought Belladonna!”
Thankful for her interruption and reminder of why I was here and what was important, I turned to my niece and opened my arms up for her to rush into.Belladonna barked happily, nudging between us for some attention.The sweet smell of Sarah’s favorite green apple shampoo met me as I wrapped my arms around her small body.Out of all the pain my stepsister had caused me, this child was worth every minute.I held her close to my chest and let her warmth ease the ache inside me.
“Hey, Buttercup,” I said, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.
There was a time when I’d wondered if I could ever look at her and not relive the pain of losing Wilder.Those worries were all before she was born.Before I held her for the first time.Any fear I had about my feelings toward this child had vanished the moment Sylvia placed her in my arms.
She bent down and wrapped her arms around Belladonna’s neck.
“I’m all packed up,” she said, tilting her head back and staring up at me.“We are gonna leave today.”
There was so much uncertainty in those brown eyes of hers that looked just like her father’s.She needed me to tell her it would all be okay.I didn’t need words to understand what she was asking me.
I leaned down and brushed back the blonde locks that had fallen free of her braid from her face.She had my hair color.Sylvia had been a brunette, like Wilder.I always teased her that she had gotten her blonde hair from me when that wasn’t at all possible.
“You’re going to love Florida,” I assured her.
She looked hopeful.“Will you come visit me and bring Belladonna?”
My chest tightened.“I was assuming you’d want to take Belladonna with you.She’s yours after all.Y’all can come visit me.Whenever your dad needs someone to stay with you when he has to go out of town for work, he can call me.I can come there, or you can come here.You can’t get rid of me.”
The relief in her eyes was followed by the glimmer of unshed tears.Sylvia hadn’t been the best mom, but she’d had her moments.She had beenhermom.That was what mattered.Sarah had loved her mother, even when Sylvia had been at her worst.
“I can take her with me?”she asked with a spark of hopefulness in her eyes.
I glanced over at Wilder.“If your dad is okay with it.”
His brows drew together.“Will Cleo allow that?”he asked.
