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A humorless laugh full of pain escaped me.
How had he even thought I would do that?Had he not picked up on the fact that he was all I wanted in this life?I told him several times a day that I loved him.I’d even worried that I had driven him away because of my constant texting and need to talk to him.
“I’m not.”My voice sounded hoarse from the tears clogging my throat.“Ask Sebastian yourself.He was the first guy to see me naked.I’d been a nervous wreck.Then … when we finally had sex, well, he can tell you that I was a virgin.All I wanted back then was you.I wasn’t throwing myself at you because I wanted to have sex.I just wanted you.”
Wilder shoved his fingers into his hair as a wild look lit his eyes.“Tell me this is a fucking joke, Oakley.”
I shook my head.“No.”
His shoulders lifted and fell hard as he breathed.“That can’t be true.”His voice was laced with steel.
“It is.”
The veins on his neck stood out, and his face flushed red.“NO, IT CAN’T BE!”he shouted.“IF IT IS, THEN-” He stopped and stalked across the room, as far from me as he could get.Balling his hands into fists, he hit them against the rock wall and dropped his head as he leaned there, holding himself up.
“Why did you think—” I started to ask and stopped.
His body was so rigid that I wasn’t sure I needed to push this right now.But he had believed I was cheating on him?I couldn’t wrap my head around that.I had worshipped the ground he walked on.Everyone knew it.His friends made jokes about it.My roommate at college had teased me about all the pictures I had of Wilder on my side of the room.
“She told me,” he said with an enraged breath.“Sylvia told me, and I believed her.”
Wrapping my arms around my naked chest, I suddenly felt exposed by my nudity.The reminder of Sylvia and the things she had done to hurt me was the last thing I wanted.How she had made sure people thought the worst of me.How my father had preferred her over me.But Wilder was the one I had trusted.He had known me, seen me, and … the thought that he would believe her over me was a new hurt I hadn’t been prepared for.
He dropped his hands, and I bent down to get the sweatshirt off the floor.I needed to be covered.I had to get some space.My chest was so tight that I didn’t think I could breathe.
“She had pictures of you at parties.One with a guy, and your hands were around his neck.He was holding you around your waist.”
I blinked as I held the shirt in front of me.What picture?I shook my head.I didn’t know what he was talking about.
“You can’t deny a fucking picture, Oakley.You might not have been having sex with him, but you sure as hell were cozy with him.Do you have any idea how seeing another guy touching you and how fucking happy you were about it destroyed me?”
“Wilder, I—what picture?Why would Sylvia have a picture of me at college?At a party?”
“Facebook.You were tagged in it.You told me you were going to a party.Your friend Sam had invited you.I trusted you.I thought you loved me.Then, Sylvia showed me the picture.She said she had more, but seeing it made me sick.I couldn’t look at any more of them.I went to the bar, started drinking.Anything to numb the pain.I drank until I blacked out.I woke up with Sylvia in my bed.”
Sam.I closed my eyes and leaned back against the edge of the sink.A heaviness unlike any I had ever felt settled over me.
“Sam,” I said softly and closed my eyes.
I knew that picture.I remembered that night.Every moment of it.The week before Thanksgiving.Everyone had been leaving to go home for the holiday, and there had been a party.
“Yeah, Sam.Remember now?”he asked.
I nodded.“Yeah, I do.”
“Then, you understand why I believed her.Even if you didn’t fuck him, you both were very comfortable, touching each other.I didn’t touch other girls, Oakley.I didn’t even notice them.You were all I wanted.And you so casually let another guy put his hands on you.Get close to you.”The accusation in his voice didn’t hide his pain.
“Sam is gay.He and Ross were two of my closest friends during my time at Ole Miss.They were the reason I survived after—” I stopped and looked down at the ground.
He had thought I’d cheated.Because of a stupid picture Ross had posted on his Facebook page and tagged me.I’d never even used Facebook back then or now.I just had it, like everyone else did.But Sylvia had been watching me.For what?To find me making a mistake?
“Gay.”The word came out in a whisper.
“Yeah.I follow them on Instagram.They’re married now.They have a daughter, Arabella, who is six.They adopted her three years ago.”
I knew in that moment that all I had once thought changed.It was clear.The past.The disbelief that I could have been so wrong about what I thought Wilder and I had.The destruction it had caused us.The hate he’d had toward me for so long and the revenge I had taken out on him in court that day.Something he hadn’t deserved.Something I could never take back.
Yet, knowing the lie Sylvia had told and the pain she’d inflicted, I couldn’t hate her for it.Because the truth was, if we could go back in time, I wouldn’t change it.Without her lie, without the hell I had suffered because of it, there would be no Sarah, and I wouldn’t trade anything for her.I’d go through it all again to have her.
