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I do a mental tally. First, we have the death of my father, which I am still very much grappling with. Next up is the tense relationships I now have with my mother and best friend, who I haven’t talked to very much. Also, there’s Wyatt, but thinking about him makes my heart rate speed up and my head feel foggy.
“Lucy?” Dr. Marsh presses.
“Mm? Oh, right, um, well I just have a lot going on.”
Dr. Marsh hums. “I see. How are things with you and Allie? Still tense?”
I shrug and pick at a loose thread in my jeans. “Sort of. We still text sometimes, she’s seeing some new guy I think.”
“How does that make you feel? That she’s got a boyfriend?”
“I wouldn’t exactly call him her boyfriend, but it’s whatever. I’ve been talking to Wyatt a lot, and he gets the emotions I’m experiencing a lot more than Allie ever could.”
“Who” —Dr. Marsh sighs—“is Wyatt?”
“A friend. Just a friend.”
“Why do you sound disappointed by that?”
Maybe because I am, I think to myself. I talk to Wyatt almost every day, we text constantly. We also talk on the phone quite a bit. Wyatt is the only person in my life right now who not only understands me, but isn’t trying to fix me. He is also the most confusing part of my life. We haven’t hung out since he took me ice-skating a little over a week ago.
“I’m not disappointed, Wyatt’s just a good friend. His mom died a few years ago, so he gets what I’m going through.”
“I see.”
My phone beeps, and I don’t even have to look at it to know who it is, which makes my cheeks flush. Dr. Marsh crosses her arms.
“Is that him?”
“Probably.”
“Are you going to read it?”
“He knows I have therapy on Fridays, it’s probably nothing important. Sometimes he just sends me random messages about what the cows are doing. He has a farm.”
“Lucy, can I be honest with you?”
“Isn’t that sort of your job?”
“I’m not entirely sure you should be dating right now. It’s been about eight months since your father died, and while you should absolutely be trying to move on and adjust to this new life, I don’t know if finding a boyfriend should be a priority.”
“We’re not dating.” I huff, crossing my arms over my chest. “I just said that.”
“But you want to be.” Dr. Marsh raises her eyebrow.
Well, she’s got me there. I like Wyatt a lot. He understands me in a way no one else does right now, and he doesn’t judge. He’s just . . . he’s there for me. Plus, he’s annoyingly attractive, in a rugged kind of way.
“You are still grieving. You are still adjusting. You still barely speak to your mother, and you spend most of your time at a graveyard. I don’t want you to cover up your feelings of loss with attraction. You cannot find yourself in someone else.”
“That’s not what I’m trying to do,” I argue. “I’m just . . . I am so lonely, Dr. Marsh.”
She reaches over and puts her hand over mine, making me look up at her.
“Love can’t erase loneliness, Lucy.”
“I’m not looking for love. I am just looking to not feel alone for a little while.”
“Want some more unsolicited advice?”
