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I let out a quiet, bitter laugh and look over at him.
“Happy,” I say, my voice sounding hollow even to my own ears.
“Yeah,” Alex insists. “Happy.”
I shake my head and grab my bag of popcorn.
“I am as happy as I can be, okay? Can we just leave it at that?”
I walk back to my chair before Alex can respond. Lucy moves her eyes over to me when I sit down, and I smile at her before turning to the TV and pretending to watch it. And that’s how I spend the next hour, eating popcorn and forcing my eyes to stay trained on the TV and a bunch of guys in spandex. When the movie’s over, Taylor stands and stretches.
“Well, I am exhausted. See you guys next movie night,” she says around a yawn.
I laugh and Alex shakes his head. “Guess we’re going home, then.”
She shrugs and walks toward the door. “I got off a twelve hour shift a few hours ago, you’re lucky I lasted this long. It was nice meeting you, Lucy!”
Lucy stands and slides her feet into her Birkenstocks. “It was nice meeting you too!”
I walk toward the door and give Taylor a hug. “Y’all drive safe.”
She nods and whispers, “I like her a lot, Wyatt. You should give her a chance.”
I just smile and nod as she starts walking toward Alex’s truck. I turn to him slowly, bracing myself for whatever quick lecture he’s about to give me. But he’s not looking at me, he’s looking at Taylor.
“She’s worth it, you know?” Alex says softly.
“What do you mean?” I ask.
Alex looks at me, his eyes completely serious. “My parents were never like yours. Sure, they were happy, but I don’t think they ever loved each other the way your mom and dad did. I remember when Taylor and I first started dating, I was staying here for a night before we drove back to the dorm. I asked your dad how he knew that your mom was the one. You know what he said?”
I had an idea, but Alex had never told me this story, so I just shook my head.
“He said that he couldn’t pinpoint a single moment that he fell in love, because there were many. He said that one day, he just started building this house. He started planning a life with your mom in it. One second, he was thinking about some party the night before and the next he was thinking about what color he wanted to paint the shutters, and what color he thought your mom might like. He told me that he didn’t have a grand realization, it unfolded slowly, and then it was just there. That her love, and the love he had for her, would always be there, even if she wasn’t.”
I hold my breath and looked over at Alex, at Taylor in his truck yawning and curling up in the passenger seat. And I think about my mom, and my dad, and the simple way they loved each other. I sigh and look back at Alex.
“Why are you telling me all this?” I ask.
“Because you’ve been through more than any man I know, and I’ve been right beside you these past five years. I’ve sat with you in your grief and pain, and so has Taylor. I also know that even though it’s been five years, you still have a lot to unpack. You are never done grieving, you’re never over a loss like that. I don’t know what I would do without Taylor in my life—I don’t know what kind of man I would be. But I know what kind of man I am because of her. And I know that even if—God forbid—she died tomorrow, I would not regret one single day I had with her. I would go through any amount of pain, any amount of heartbreak, to have one second with her. Because she’s worth it.”
Taylor reaches over and honks the horn, holding her hands up in the universal what-the-heck-are-you-doing signal. I can’t help but laugh, and neither can Alex. He shakes his head and starts backing out my front door.
“Find someone who’s worth it, Wyatt—worth the good and the bad and the pain and the loss. Worth all of it. Find the one who lights up your whole dang world, because she’s out there, man. I can feel it in my bones.” Alex winks at me before turning and running for his truck.
I sigh and run a hand through my hair. It’s not that I don’t agree with him, because I do. There is someone out there who will be worth it. Someone who will light up every dark corner of my sorry, destroyed life. I’m not denying any of that. The thing is, I don’t want to meet her. Because eventually, I will die, and I’ll leave her completely wrecked. Or she will die, and I’ll be wrecked all over again. And a man can only handle so much before he breaks completely.
I turn around and walk back into the living room, where Lucy is sitting cross-legged on the recliner typing something into her phone. At some point during the movie, she’d taken her hair out of its messy ponytail, and it hangs loose around her shoulders. She tucks an auburn strand behind her ear and bites her lip as she stares at her phone.
“You okay?” I asked.
She jumps and then looks up at me, temporarily confused before she smiles slightly.
“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just my mom.”
I nod and sit on the arm of the couch beside her. “It is getting late, is she wondering when you’ll be home?”
Lucy nods and sighs, turning her phone face down on the arm of the recliner beside her and running her hands over her face.
