AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“I’m really sorry I’m not there with you.”
“Me too. But, Wyatt?”
“Yeah?”
“Maybe you can come next time.”
I hear the smile in his voice when he says, “I hope so.”
“I miss you.”
“I miss you, too.”
I hang up and take a deep breath, stealing myself before I get out of my car. I leave my bag in the backseat for now, only grabbing a sweatshirt I packed at the last minute. It’s July, but the night air is cool on the beach. I pull the sweatshirt down over my head and tug the sleeves down over my hands as I walk over the dunes.
It’s late, and the beach is virtually deserted. I walk to the edge of the water, watching the waves. The moon is full and the stars are bright.
The waves brush up against my bare feet, sending chills up my legs and spine. I close my eyes and smile softly.
“Hey, Dad.”
Tears slide down my cheek, and I don’t know how to do this without him. I look over my shoulder at the dark house behind me, and I can physically feel my heart crack. But I have to do this. I need to do this.
The waves tickle my toes again, and despite everything I’m feeling, I smile. Because somehow, it feels like Dad is right here with me.
“Don’t leave me just yet, okay?” I whisper to him.
And slowly, I walk toward the house. When I get to the door on the back deck I force myself to take five deep breaths and, with a shaking hand, I pull the key Amanda gave me out of my back pocket to unlock the door.
I am hit with a thousand memories at once. My parents cooking in the kitchen while I sat at the table, Dad bumping his hip against Mom’s and making her laugh. Me and Dad staying up incredibly late watching old movies, my head on his chest. Dad waking me up impossibly early and wrapping me up in a blanket, carrying me outside to watch the sunrise with him. He’d hold me in his lap, his chin on top of my head and my arms around his neck. I was little, maybe five or six, but the words he whispered in my ear that morning hit me so hard I lean back against the doorframe for support.
“It’s amazing, isn’t it Lu?” Dad sighs against my ear.
I nod and yawn, burrowing deeper into his chest. His arms tighten around me, and I feel so safe and warm here. My eyelids get heavy, and I know I’m about to fall back asleep, but Dad presses his forehead against the side of my head.
“This is what seeing you for the first time felt like. When the nurse handed you to me, and you looked up at me with those big green eyes—my eyes—this is exactly how I felt. I couldn’t look away, and I was completely in awe. You came into our world and instantly filled us with light and a hope I can’t describe. That’s where you get your name, you know, you are my little sunshine. And I hope someday, Lucy, you find someone who gives you that same feeling. I hope one day you get to look into someone’s eyes for the first time and it feels just like the sun coming up.”
I slide down the wall, sobbing so hard I can’t breathe. I bury my face in my hands, my shoulders shaking. Up until this moment, I didn’t know you could be homesick for a person. But that’s what this feeling is, this ache in the pit of my stomach. I want to go home, and it’s just extremely inconvenient that home is my father’s arms.
“It’s not . . . it’s not fair,” I cry. “You were such a good man. You gave everything to everyone. You did everything right. And you loved me . . . you loved me so much. Mom and I, we were your whole world. And you were ours.”
I take a deep breath, resting my arms on my knees and leaning my head back against the wall.
“You’re just gone. One minute you were here and suddenly every piece of you is gone. And the world just kept spinning. The sun, the stupid sun, has the audacity to keep shining. How is that fair? My father, the person who loved me simply because I was his, because a part of me came from a part of him, the man who gave me my eyes and my . . . my name . . . is just gone. And what? I’m just expected to accept that? To get up and move on like nothing happened? The rest of the world just keeps spinning, but mine . . . mine stopped. Because you should’ve had more time, Dad. We should’ve had more time. And it’s just not fair!”
I’m angry and I’m tired and I’m so, so hurt. I feel the grief and loss in every single part of my body. Every nerve, every muscle. I didn’t know the absence of someone could be so heavy.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Wyatt
I’mpacinginfrontof Dr. Allen’s office the next morning. I don’t have an appointment scheduled, and I don’t know if he’ll see me or not but I don’t know what else to do. When Lucy called last night she sounded so broken and alone and it tore my heart apart that I wasn’t there with her. That I couldn't be there for her when she needed me.
A black BMW pulls into the parking lot and Dr. Allen steps out.
“Wyatt, what are you doing here?” he asks.
“I needed to talk to you.”
