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The last four weeks have turned over at an excruciatingly slow pace, one second, one minute, one hour at a time.
The longest month of my life.
Jonathan was arrested the same afternoon that the sex tape was released. Once there was enough evidence to pin him to the crime, he was charged and remanded in custody overnight at a local police station.
I heard he was released on bail the following day, but he had strict bail conditions placed on him which included not contacting me in any way, or coming within two hundred feet of my house, Bailey’s school, or my workplace.
Though I needn’t worry too much about him turning up at my workplace. Rochester Rehabilitation Center will not be a problem, seeing as how I no longer work there.
Yeah, I lost my job.
I won’t go into all the details. It is what it is. Dr. Copeland was more than reasonable, and it wasn’t his fault. Having sex with patients is frowned upon.
I knew that. I did it anyway.My bad.
So, I’m officially unemployed.
Jonathan goes to court next week. I won’t be attending. I’ve already made my mind up about that. I don’t want to see him. I don’t care if I never see the man again for that matter. I’ll happily leave his fate, no matter what it may be, in the trusty hands of the United States judicial system.
He confessed everything. He didn’t even try to hide it.
Forgiveness is a funny thing, though. It can eat you alive if you don’t forgive, and it can burn you to the ground if you do. I’ll take the flames. Jonathan can rot in hell.
Thankfully, I barely rate a mention on the news these days, being that one of the Kardashians got married, and Miley Cyrus released a new album. There are still the occasional lingering paparazzi hanging around outside my front door, but they quickly grow bored of me when I refuse to answer any of their questions.
Andrea has kept me busy most days. She took a couple of “personal days” away from work—yes, I’m still milking it after the whole Ashton debacle. She owes me big time for that mess. We went shopping. She also took me out for lunch, bought me dinner, took Bailey for a couple of nights at her place while I wrapped my head around everything that has happened recently, and as if that wasn’t enough, she sat up all hours of the night with me, watching Netflix until she couldn’t stand it anymore.
Truthfully, Andrea’s presence has been the one thing that’s stopped me from becoming a complete shut-in. I love her for that.
But still, I feel Kael’s absence more than anything else. It’s like a gaping wound, jagged and seeping at the edges.
When I called him the night I found out about Jonathan making the sex tape, I wasn’t expecting him to hang up on me. I also wasn’t expecting him to ignore all the text messages I’ve left him. Or the thirty-three voice mails I left on his answering machine.
I’ve gone to his apartment on several occasions, too, but the concierge downstairs always insists that he isn’t home. Every single time. I know he’s lying to me. His coy expression is a dead giveaway.
“Mr. Jenkins is working late tonight,”he’d say. Or,“Mr. Jenkins is in a meeting.”Or my favorite so far,“Mr. Jenkins is out of state.”
Bullshit, he is.
I saw him on the television just the day before at a gala opening in the city. The day before that, he was being interviewed on the radio about the upcoming tour. I turned it off before they could ask him what his thoughts were on the recent sex tape scandal that he’d been caught up in.
My poor heart couldn’t take it.
Stupidly, I figured that once I apologized to him for accusing him of betraying me, for doubting him, that he would come back to me with arms wide open.
I thought he’d come running.
But he hasn’t come running. If anything, he’s run in the opposite direction. With Kael, he’s all in or all out, and I failed him so miserably it leaves me with a dull ache behind my eyes and a constantly sick feeling in my stomach.
I just want to speak to him. I desperately want to apologize to him and tell him that I’m so sorry for the things I said to him and for the accusations I made.
“You’repathetic.”
That’s what I said to him. I actually told him he was pathetic, and god it killed me to say it. To hurt him like that. I don’t deserve his time or his forgiveness, but I need to talk to him because the bitter taste of those words still burns hot on my tongue every time I think about them.
Kael Jenkins is the best man I know. He’s smart and funny and wickedly talented. He’s generous and caring and so much sweeter than anyone ever gives him credit for.
Therefore, not pathetic at all.
