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But it doesn’t come.
I lick my lips and wipe my hand across my mouth. It’s not vodka. It’s not alcohol at all.
It’s water. Iced water.
Kael snatches the glass back again and then throws it on the ground. It breaks instantly, shattering in every direction. I flinch, shielding my face with my hands, and I think I hear Cassie shouting obscenities in our general direction, but it’s hard to make sense of anything right now with the way my pulse is pounding so loudly in my ears.
“Kael, I’m really sorry I accused you of something so terrible. I just—”
“Save it, Jonesy. I don’t want to hear it.” He takes a deep breath, exhaling slowly. “You’ve made it perfectly clear what kind of man you think I am. You threw me away. You broke my fucking heart and turned your back on me. Just like everyone else in my life has done. Let’s just leave it at that, shall we?”
“That’s not true, Kael. I was confused and frightened, and I’m so sorry that I jumped to conclusions. But I’ve been hurt in the past too. I’ve been let down and taken advantage of, and—”
“AndIfucking haven’t?” he shouts. “I would never have treated you like that.”
“I didn’t mean to hurt you, Kael. That was never my intention. I reacted badly. I made a huge mistake, and I’m so sorry. Can you please just talk to me?”
“I’ve got nothing to say.”
I sigh again, rubbing my brows with my fingertips. We sit there for a while longer in silence. The sound of breaking pool balls, the low hum of conversation and clinking glasses fills the void around us.
Kael suddenly breaks the standoff. “Actually, you know what? I do have something to say to you.” His gaze rolls over my face restlessly. “Your faith in me is outstanding, Jonesy. You’re just like everyone else; you say one thing and do another. You’re the one person in this world I wouldn’t ever intentionally hurt, and I fucking told you that.”
“You did.”
“And then you accuse me of doing something so horrendous that it’s like you never even knew me at all. I guess that’s just the nature of our relationship.”
“Our relationship?”
He stares straight at me, his face void of any emotion. “I’ll leave that to you, Jonesy. You’re the one with all the secrets to keep. And that’s what I always was to you, wasn’t I? I was your dirty little secret from day one.”
My hands start to shake. I grip the edge of the sticky table so he can’t see them. So this is it. This is the way he wants things to end between us.
But this isn’t the end. It can’t be the end.
There’s so much of our song that’s yet to be written.
My voice doesn’t even sound like my own when words I never thought I’d say to another man rise up inside me until they stick in my throat. I try to stop them, I really do, because I know better, but I can feel them on my lips, taste them on my tongue, see the shape of them in my head, and they slide out of my mouth with ease and truth and desperation.
“I’m in love with you, Kael.”
His hands drop to his sides. “What’d you just say?”
“I’m in love with you.” My eyes brim with tears. “I’ve fallen in love with you.”
He takes a quick breath and then says, “Nah, fuck that, Sienna. I’m impossible to love. Remember? That’s what he told me.”
My heart hurts, and my eyes sting. “That’s not true, Kael.” I shake my head sadly. “He was wrong. You’re not impossible to love. You’re easy to love.”
“I’m leaving town soon. No point in starting something we can’t finish. You go back to doing you, and I’ll stick to doing me. It’s probably for the best, Jonesy.”
I nod slowly, my chest constricting. So much of me hurts. I can’t tell where it starts or finishes, but it’s bad. My ribs feel broken when I suck in a huge, tearful breath.
Tears fall from my eyes when I blink, but I don’t even bother wiping them away. Let him see what he’s doing to me. Let him see what we’ve become. The breath rushes out of me, and I close my eyes tightly.
“I love you, Kael.” I say it again and then again. That’s all I have.Isn’t that enough?“And I think, under it all, you love me too.”
I just stare at him, transfixed by his beauty. But he’s giving me nothing.Nothing.
