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Sienna appears confused and maybe even a little irritated for a few seconds. She runs her hand through her long ponytail, twirling golden locks of hair around her fingers. “You know, I never really understood the logic in making those kinds of predictions at a high school level. What purpose does it serve other than to make some poor kid feel bad about him or herself?”
“I couldn’t agree more.” I give her a cynical smile. “Guess they were right, though, hey?”
“How can you say that with everything you’ve accomplished? You’ve succeeded more than most people ever will in their lifetime.”
“I’m in fucking rehab, Jonesy.”
“Yes, but you made it, Kael. You’re an award-winning musician. There must be millions of bass players out there just wishing they could get a break. You beat the odds because of hard work and sheer determination. You should be incredibly proud of yourself despite making a few mistakes along the way. You’re only human; we all make mistakes.”
Sienna’s words sit heavily on my chest, a semi parked right there in the“I don’t know what to do with that”loading zone. I’ve spent years hiding behind an “I don’t give a fuck attitude” but this all suddenly feels very different. It feels very real, very raw.
Deep down I know she’s right, but it’s been a really long time since someone has actually said those kinds of words to me. Words that make me feel like maybe, just maybe, I’ve done something right with my life.
Tears prick the backs of my eyes, but I blink them away quickly before she notices. “Yeah, I guess.”
“Were you popular at school?” she asks me, sitting back on the couch. She’s surrounded by piles of paperwork. Her white cardigan is draped over the arm of the couch beside her, and she starts marking pages in a textbook with sticky notes.
“I was popular with the guys because I played guitar, and as it turns out, girls have a thing for dudes who can sing.”
“You sing?” she asks, looking up quickly.
She looks totally surprised by this fact. Mindlessly playing with her ponytail again she swirls it in her hand and with the gentle movement I get a whiff of her signature scent. I wish I could work out what it is.
Apples?Or is it jasmine?
“Yeah, I sing.”
“Do you ever sing with the band?”
“I sing backup occasionally, but only if the song needs it. I’d never take center stage, that’s for sure. Reed’s crazy good. He’s the reason Cold Neptune’s so successful. The rest of us are just along for the ride.”
Sienna’s expression tells me she doesn’t agree with me but she bites her tongue and keeps her thoughts strictly to herself.
“Success can be measured in so many different ways. There isn’t a hard and fast formula, Kael. What constitutes success, or failure, to one person might be the exact opposite for someone else. And I don’t know much about the music industry, but the lead singer can’t carry the entire band, surely not. My guess is he needs you guys just as much as you need him.”
“How doyoumeasure success, Jonesy?”
She doesn’t hesitate. “Happiness.”
I sit on that juicy treat for a few seconds.Happiness,huh? Yeah. But that’s the thing. Racking my brain, I can’t even remember the last time I was happy, and I mean liketrulyhappy.
The kind of happiness Sienna’s talking about goes much deeper than a shitload of coin in the bank, the bottom of a bottle, or a groupie with big eyes kneeling on the ground in front of you. It goes much deeper than that.
And that’s saying something, because trust me on this, some of those groupies can go pretty fucking deep.
“I want that, you know,” I say quietly, almost to myself, suddenly weary, my muscles sore and achy, and my mind unsettled. And I don’t know why I just said that out loud because fuck me if I need her feeling sorry for me.
“You deserve to be happy, Kael. Everyone deserves happiness. And I’m very confident you’ll get to a place in your life in the not too distant future where happiness will become more the norm for you than the infrequent. We’ll work on it together. We’ll come up with a plan for your sobriety, as well as a plan to keep you from relapsing. Sound good?”
I nod because I don’t really know what else to do, or say. So, I just nod. A wave of hope washes over me because it does sound good.
It soundsreallygood.
Kael
Day 28
“Do you want to know why I shave my hair off?”
