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I circle my arm around Cassandra’s waist, my forearm against her stomach and my hand tucking back between her soft body and the mattress.
I tuck my other arm under the pillow.
This feels so right.
I let my eyes close and think of the word again. Retirement.
I don’t think I’ll ever completely retire. You don’t really leave this life, not with your heart still beating.
And I won’t lie and pretend I hate it. Won’t pretend something deep inside me doesn’t love it. Doesn’t revel in the violence. But I don’t need to do every hit Karmine sends my way. She has plenty of girls who could do what I do. I’ve been doing it for so long—searching for justice and forgiveness, for so fucking long—it’s just becomewhat is.
But now…
I sigh.
Right now, nothing has changed. People are still after me. They might always be after me. And until I can guarantee the safety of those around me, nothing will change.
I can’t keep her.
She’s not mine.
Anger claws at the base of my skull, wishing things were different.
Wishing I was different.
Only tonight,I try to convince myself as I press my nose against her hair.
Only for tonight.
CHAPTER25
Cassie
That heady pinescent I love fills my senses and pulls my mind the rest of the way out of sleep.
Hans.
The heavy arm across my side isn’t my own. The heat at my back, the breath against my hair, the hardness against my bottom… It’s all Hans.
I take a slow breath and crack my eyes open, trying to keep my body still.
I’m in bed with Hans.
I am in a bed, with Hans.
I take another slow inhale.
A faint memory of his arms around me dances through my brain, and I have to assume he carried me in here. Which, one, I would love to be awake for that, and two, should probably worry me as much as the second sword he has mounted to the wall I’m facing.
But it doesn’t.
Hans’s decorating skills may need a little help, but this mattress is the most comfortable thing I’ve ever lain on.
With the smallest movements I can manage, I nuzzle my face into the pillow.
This pillowcase is made of the softest cotton, and the pillow’s thickness provides the perfect amount of support.
It’s like his couch and his knives. And, now that I think about it, his truck. All nice. All well taken care of.
