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Chapter26
Felicity
I’d never felt at ease in liminal spaces, those places in the world only meant for passing through. Gas stations, with their harsh lighting and bathroom tile floors, made me mildly and inexplicably nervous. I’d never crossed a bridge or an overpass without an intrusive thought cutting across my mind: what if it collapses right now? Or now? What if crumbles and sends me tumbling to my death? I even still held my breath when I drove through tunnels, counting the seconds like a little kid. One-one-thousand, two-one-thousand, my eyes focused on the light at the end.
Waiting was a liminal space. Not as creepy as an empty gas station late at night, maybe, but a space we’d lived in for far too long.
And I’d never waited harder than I had tonight.
I stood at the window near the front door, cradling Rylan and scanning the drive for headlights. Over the last few hours, dozens of vehicles had arrived: family, friends, pack members, all here to join us as we braced for whatever news returned from the Du Pont estate. They came bearing casserole dishes and salad bowls covered with cling wrap, bags of chips and cases of soda, even some beer and wine. While I was tempted by the opportunity to claim a bottle of red and drink myself into a stupor between this moment and the one when Xander returned to us, I fought the urge.
Whatever happened would happen. But if I stayed sober, when he brought Ryder back to me, I could put him to my breast. I could feed him, burp him, and lay him next to Rylan so they could finally fall asleep together again, side by side.
“Come get something to eat, baby girl.” Nana put an arm around my waist and tried to pull me away from the window, but I didn’t budge.
“Watched pot never boils,” Connell said sagely at Nana’s side.
“I’m fine.” I kept my gaze locked on the night. Everyone who had any reason to be here tonight had already arrived. The next pair of headlights to show up at the end of the driveway would be the Impala’s.
I hadn’t heard anything from Xander since he left with Denny and Dylan, but I had to believe they’d make it home.
Nana Jordan and Connell stayed by my side for a little while before peeling off. They were replaced by Gena, then Gena and Kingston, then others. The world moved around me. I stayed still. In my helplessness, magical thinking took hold: if I were to leave the window, or even to look away from it for a moment or sit down, the universe would take it as a sign that I didn’t care enough. No lights would appear at the end of the driveway. The front door would stay shut.
My vision focused and unfocused. Distantly, I was aware of how insane I must have looked, with knees locked, swaying like I was in a trance as I stared into the night.
At one point, Nana came over and took Rylan from me. “Time for bed,” she told me, and though I missed the comfort of his tiny body against my chest, my arms were grateful for the relief. I’d held him for so long, my muscles ached.
The hours ticked on and on, uncaring. I watched for so long, I began to feel the night staring back at me. In the darkness, visions of a dozen horrible futures danced, leering.What if Xander’s hurt? What if he was killed? What if Rylan was never there at all?
Just as I was beginning to fear that all hope was lost, I spotted a pinprick of light in the heavy darkness. It was so small at first, I didn’t trust it. What if it was a trick of my eyes? But as it grew larger and larger, so did the feeling in my gut.
This is my mate. He’s come back to me. He’s brought our son.
“They’re here,” I whispered, so quietly no one else could possibly have heard it.
It was only then that I realized how hard I’d been fighting back the urge to scream.
“They’re here!” I shouted the words loud enough to stir the whole lodge.
I raced out the door as the pack stirred behind me. I ran to the Impala, reaching it just as Xander opened the door.
As soon as he climbed out, he was in my arms. I had no words to describe the relief that flooded through my being.
Where words were concerned, he only had one.
“Backseat,” he breathed as I buried my face in his chest.
I released him to glance through the Impala’s rear side window. There, fastened in his car seat, was my son. Our son. I tore the door open and unbuckled him with shaking hands.
A sob left my throat as I lifted him up and clutched him to my chest. I pressed my nose to the soft blue cap on his head, holding him as tightly as I dared.
“Thank you,” I choked out through my tears as I turned to Xander once again. I pressed myself into his arms, and he wrapped them around me. “Thank you for finding him. Thank you for coming back.”
“Of course I came back, Cheeks,” he whispered. “I’ll always come back to you.”
We stayed together like for a time, our bodies encasing Ryder in a protective bubble. My chest was so full, my heart felt like it was about to burst.
Only after my tears subsided a little did I pull back and really look at Xander. I’d been so desperate to have my body against his, his appearance had barely registered at first.
