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For all I knew, I had been hot. Xander seemed to think so, at least, which meant I had nothing to gain from arguing the point.
“For a long time, I didn’t think I’d ever have kids, you know,” Xander finally said. It felt like the continuation of a thought, some part of a conversation he’d only been having with himself before he remembered that I couldn’t read his mind.
“I didn’t think I’d have them, either,” I said, glancing at the boys near our feet. They were utterly cherubic while they were sleeping, so sweet and darling it made up for every moment they were surly and wailing. Beyond them, Dylan was hollering up a storm while Denny laughed and thumped him on the back. One of their darts must have finally hit true.
“Well, you wouldn’t,” Xander mused. “When you’re raised the way we were, it’s hard to imagine someday, isn’t it? So much easier to thinknah, never. Not for me. But then, suddenly, one day you were mine, and the next, you were pregnant.”
“We weren’t very careful,” I admitted. He was right—it had all happened so fast.
“We were inevitable.”
I opened my eyes and stared up at him, admiring the way the setting sunlight brought out the red notes in the golden stubble along his jaw. His gaze was raised to the skies, like he could see something floating in the clouds, far beyond my own sight.
“Once it was happening, all I could think about was how badly I wanted to protect you all. Stop the worst from happening. Ensure the best. How bad I wanted you, and them, and to have you all in a time of peace.” His laugh was rough and forced. “Nothing ever turns out exactly how we imagine it, huh?”
“Could be worse.”
“Could be better, too,” he lamented. His thigh shifted under my head. “Sit up for a second, will you?”
Obliging, I righted myself. Clearly, something was on his mind. Whatever it was, I’d do it the courtesy of facing it with a straight spine. He was right, after all. We couldn’t keep taking things lying down.
“There’s no turning back time now,” Xander said, taking my hands and looking down at them very sternly. “But the way I figure it, future’s still up for grabs.” His eyes flicked up to meet mine. “Right?”
“Absolutely,” I agreed. We had to believe that much was true. If we didn’t, there was no point.
To my surprise, he smiled.
“I’m gonna win this war for you, Felicity Jordan,” he vowed. “And when it’s over, I’m gonna make you my wife, just like I made you my mate.”
I found myself grinning back at him, the memory of Xander at our mating ceremony fresh in my mind. “Naked, then?”
He laughed. “That would be a crowd pleaser. But, no.”
He scooted closer to me, bending one knee and stretching his other leg out. He drew me as near as our bodies would allow, bowing his head down and resting his forehead against mine.
“I wanna see you in a big, stupid white dress, with your hair curled and a flower crown on top of your head, all draped in diamonds and veils.” His voice was low, like we were two children in the schoolyard telling secrets. His green eyes glimmered, barely an inch away from mine. “I wanna wear a stupid, uncomfortable tux, and spend the whole day worrying about spilling food on it—and I probably will, and you’ll give me hell for it, but I won’t mind. I wanna see you walk down the aisle toward me, piano playing “She’s the One”, and you’ll be looking at me, thinking,this fucking guy.” His smile broadened as he voiced my imagined words, giving imaginary Felicity an undue amount of derision toward him in her voice. But as he spoke his imagined response, his tone shifted to pure, happy-go-lucky disbelief, punctuated by a crooked smile. “And I’ll be looking back at you thinking,this fucking girl.”
Slowly, I squinted at him, suddenly suspicious.
I had a sense that he was getting at something here. But, to be fair, I’d been wrong about this a few times before.
“Is this…a proposal?” I asked, still wary.
Xander reached into his pocket and drew out a small velvet box. “Guess it is.”
He held it between us, our bodies curved over it like the archway of an old church. With a flick of his thumb, the box popped open.
“Oh my God.” I glanced between Xander and the ring, still half-certain that this was some kind of ruse. “Xander, it’s…it’s beautiful.”
“It’s yours.”
I drew back a little. I nearly had to just to take the whole thing in. “It’s huge.”
He chuckled. “I’ll never get tired of hearing you say that, you know.” My hands trembled as Xander plucked the ring from the box and slid it onto my finger. “When I went to the jeweler, I asked ’em, ‘What’s the biggest, most expensive rock you’re legally allowed to sell me?’ and they said, ‘Manhattan, probably’, but I didn’t think that would fit on your finger. So, this was the next best thing.”
I held my hand up to the waning sunlight, impressed by how pleasantly heavy the gold band felt against my knuckle, enthralled by the way the fat diamond caught the light.
“It’s so…tacky,” I blurted out, then burst into laughter.
