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He didn’t think she was on the Pill or any other contraceptive. Not likely, since she’s not sexually active, he thought. At least she wasn’t until you came along. But it wouldn’t hurt to ask. Still concerned about what this could mean for both of them, he watched as she woke up by degrees: first her eyelashes fluttered, then her nose crinkled, then her eyes flew open, and she blinked at him, as if she’d dreamed him.
“What time is it?” she asked.
He raised his wrist and squinted at his watch in the dim light.
“Nine-thirty-two. Plenty of time.”
“Time for what?”
“Time to talk.”
“Oh.” She sounded disappointed, as if she was expecting a repeat performance already, and Cody smiled to himself.
He toyed with her curls for a minute, then idly let one curl coil around his finger. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
She didn’t pretend not to understand. “I didn’t want you to know,” she said in a small voice.
“Why?”
She didn’t answer at first. Then she said, “I was...embarrassed. I didn’t want you to think...” She shifted restlessly and added so softly he had to strain to hear, “My two boyfriends in high school...they called me a freak. They both said I was...frigid. Because whenever they touched me...that way, I froze. I don’t know why, but I just couldn’t bring myself to...”
She drew a sharp breath. “Then I went right from high school into the Corps. The only men I knew then were my fellow marines. I had enough trouble proving to them I was just as tough as they were. I wasn’t about to let one of my hyper-sexed macho mates take me to bed...and then brag about it.”
“Hey,” he said softly, his hand pausing as he stroked her bright curls. “Not every marine brags. I never did.”
She cuddled against him. “If I’d known you back then...maybe I could have.... But as it was, I just couldn’t risk it.”
“And then?” he asked in a deep voice.
“I spent four years in the Corps, so when I finally went to college I was four years older than most of the guys in my classes. They all seemed so young, so...callow...it just never felt right with any of them.”
“And then you joined the agency right out of college,” he filled in for her.
“Right. And you know how this job is. Odd hours, last-minute changes of plans. There aren’t a lot of guys on the dating scene who’ll put up with that for any length of time.” She rubbed her cheek against his bare chest. “And besides...” she said softly.
“Besides?”
She laughed a little self-deprecating laugh. “Besides, every guy I went out with, I knew I could take him down, one on one.” She laughed again, softly. “No woman really wants a man she can control that way.”
“Oh, ho!” Cody teased. “The truth comes out. Do I hear the old-school double standard coming out of you?”
She hid her face with her hand. “I shouldn’t have told you.”
Cody’s smile faded, and the teasing light left his eyes. He gently drew her hand away from her face and made her look at him. “I’m glad,” he said. “Not just that you told me, but that...you chose me.” He wanted to tell her how deeply he was affected, how much it meant to him that she had never given herself to any other man, just him, but he didn’t know how to put it into words without offending her somehow. Instead, he said, “I just hope I can live up to your expectations.”
“You did,” she whispered, the love and admiration in her brown eyes confirming it. “You do.” She sighed, a deep sound of contentment, and snuggled closer, as if she wanted to melt into him and stay part of him forever. She breathed words Cody didn’t catch, but when he asked her to repeat them, she hesitated. Finally, reluctantly, she replied, “I said I’m not...frigid...with you.”
“You’re not frigid at all.” The answer was so clear to him he marveled it hadn’t occurred to her before. Maybe she’d been too young and too hurt by that pejorative term when it had been thrown at her, she hadn’t seen the truth for what it was. “You just needed to find a man you could trust, that’s all.” And in his head he heard himself telling her that first night, “Trust me.” And her immediate response, “I will.”
