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But it wasn’t like what was going on with Kai would be solved with bandages and spit-shine. Would I even have enough to make a dent? He had a complex head injury, severe acidic burns, a curse, and my somewhat weak magical scan told me that his insides weren’t doing that much better. It was like someone had decided to treat his organs as a punching bag, leaving bruises and lacerations in far more places than I liked.
In fact, one of the last times I’d seen a soldier in this state, it was all I could do just to keep the pain away and keep them comfortable until—
No.
No.
Both my wolf and I rallied against such an idea. Summoning all of my meager remaining strength, I reached farther and dipped into my own life-force.
That was a big risk. It was so easy to accidentally drain oneself to death when a magic user crossed that barrier between expendable energy and the essence of their livelihood, but what other choice did I have? I refused to lose my mate. It didn'tmatter that he could never truly be mine. I refused to accept a world without him, even if the rest of my life was merely stolen glances and aching longing.
Pressing my palms to his chest, I dug further than I ever had before. There were no barriers, no self-preservation, just an overwhelming need to save Kai.
There was just one issue.
The curse I'd placed on him all those years ago had created a magical and spiritual wall between us. He was supposed to be cut off from me in every way, from scent to memories. To get in and heal him with the essence of my soul would mean I’d have to take that barrier down.
At least while I was healing him, he'd be able to sense me in a way I never wanted. A part of me clamored in alarm, warning that I couldn’t risk such a thing, but what choice did I have?
It didn’t matter that saving him would go against everything I’d done, or that tethering myself to him would obliterate the layers of the curse I myself put on him, even if only for a few minutes. Our wolves would have to connect for him to have a chance, and I'd rather swallow that risk, obtain and lose that ultimate connection, than lose him.
He wasn’t even mine to lose.
I could barely feel the tears in my eyes as my inner wolf went wild in my chest, tearing at my insides as if that would somehow help the situation. I understood feeling andseeingour true mate suffering was horrific, but hurting us wasn’t going to help at all. We were both feeling the inexplicable pull of our attachment, stronger than any ocean current, stronger than any gravitational force, enveloping the both of us completely.
So, finally, after three years of resistance, I broke the curse separating me from Kai.
Dear gods…
Although my curse had specifically cut Kai off from our connection, I suddenly found myself inundated with a deluge of sensation. Was it possible to be chock full of bonding chemicals when we hadn’t actually bonded?
The rush of chemicals fueled me, making me feel less tapped out. Maybe that was just an illusion from all the feel-good hormones rushing through me, but I didn’t care. All I knew was the desolate isolation I’d been struggling with my whole life had ended, leaving me basking in contentment I didn’t know was possible.
Was…was this what it felt like to finally be unified with my fated mate?
It made me feel so fulfilled, so complete, so… no. No, no,no!I couldn't allow myself to think about that. I couldn't risk getting too used to it, because it would all be gone in just a few moments. If I got too addicted to the wonderful rush of happiness, I couldn’t go back to the old way of things. Ineededto go back. I'd put the curse back in place as soon as possible so Kai could go on living, unaffected by the dark shadow that haunted me.
I focused solely on pushing my energy through our connection, going to the deepest roots of the curse within Kai and scrubbing it out of him with my own bright light. I pulled one of my potions out with the other hand and poured it right over the wound in his head. Was it ideal? No. Ingesting was a much better way to take a regeneration potion, but drowning by aspirating a magical brew certainly wasn’t ideal, either.
I concentrated as hard as I could, the rest of the world falling away, leaving the two of us together. Not exactly smart to do in the middle of a battlefield, but I hoped the thick smoke all around us would serve as a shield from anyone who’d stop and attack.
Now, if only I could get the tears to stop.
It was stupid, really, to sob over the idea that I was going to have to cut myself off from him yet again. At least he would be alive. Besides, it was a curse of my own choosing, to protect him.
I also didn’t have time to worry about my emotions. I needed to save Kai’s life.
This was much more difficult than with anyone else I'd healed this night—hell, maybeever—but I was managing it. I steadily watched Kai’s wounds stitch themselves together. My breath was coming in increasingly ragged gasps, feeling the desperation of not only my wolf, but my soul. It was more instinctual than hunger, than thirst, than even the knee-jerk reaction of flight or fight.
But a curious thing began to happen. The more he healed, the sweeter the chemical soup in me became. Fear and the horror of loss were drained by the second, leaving all the wonderful, floating feelings that came from being near a fated mate, of taking care of him. I had to remind myself in the back of my head that the lapse I'd forced into the curse was only temporary. I could not,would not,allow it to remain broken.
Yet it was more tempting than anything in the world. I'd have refused a mountain of gold, the very fountain of youth, to let the feeling of him envelop me. Suddenly, I very much understood addicts and their relentless drive for that thrilling high.
But that wasn’t worth Kai’s life, so I forced myself to keep going, steeling myself against the sweet, syrupy stickiness of contentment that was trying to take hold of me.
Finally, mercifully, the flow of blood stopped, and Kai was still breathing. Not deeply but steadily. I could feel his pulse through his skin, a blessed improvement from how I'd found him.
It was done. He was healed, mostly, and would survive as long as I got him somewhere safe. I raised my tear-streaked eyes and surveyed everything around me.
