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I kept my voice flat. I was hurt, but my mate didn’t strike me as someone who lashed out at people. Everything she did was calculated, even if it didn’t always make sense to me.
I didn’t want to guilt her for what she’d done, but I wanted tounderstand.If I'd done something wrong, maybe I could fix it. Maybe I could learn. I'd do pretty much anything she needed as long as it wasn’t detrimental to other people. I craved her more than I craved food, more than I craved touch or moonlight runs. She was worth so muchmorethan that.
Even if I wasn’t worth that to her.
“What the fuck?” she blurted out as if I'd just said the most ridiculous thing she’d ever heard. Now it was my turn to stare at her in shock. “No! It’s not like that at all! I was trying toprotectyou!”
Her voice was so full of conviction, of righteous indignation, that I swore I could’ve grown wings in that moment and just flown away on the elation surging through me. Ayla had still lied to me, but I was wrong. She wanted tohelpme.
People didn’t put themselves through years of pain to protect people they didn’t care about.
Tears came to my eyes. I knew real jocks and idiot soldiers who might mock me for that, but I didn’t care. I was so relieved and so happy that I could hardly breathe.
“So, I didn’t fail you?”
“Gods,no, Kai!” It was like now that she was talking, she couldn’t stop the words. That ice cube sitting in the bond between us melted, replaced by the urgent need to make sure thatIunderstood. “You’re basically the perfect mate. It’s beentorturepretending we’re not for three years, but I did it because I care about you.” At that she gasped, covering her mouth once again.
I knew it was probably inconvenient for her, but I loved this loose-lipped, passionate Ayla who wanted to tell me the truth.
I hadn’t failed her from the start, and there was nothing broken or undesirable about me.
Ayla’s words obviously weren’t the full story, but at that moment, which seemed less important. Moving to the side by the fire, I drew her right into my lap.
“You care about me?”
She nodded, but it looked like she was going to cry.
“What’s wrong?” I said, stroking her cheek. Gods, her skin was so soft. She really was perfect.
“Because wecan’tbe mates.”
“Why not?”
“Because it’llhurtyou! I don’t mean a stubbed toe, or getting burnt, I mean it’ll find violent and painful ways to torment you before killing you outright.”
I didn’t know what she meant, but I could feel myself getting lost in the bond again. She just called out to me in a way that was irresistible, especially when she was acting like she saw me.Really, truly saw me.
“How could this ever hurt me?” I asked before kissing her once again.
It was softer, sweeter than our first one. As much as I wanted to devour her whole, I also wanted to comfort her, to savor each single touch. She wasn’t someone to be plundered or to be takenlightly. She was a phenomenon, lightning in a bottle, and I wouldnottake that for granted.
“I’ve been looking for you all your life, and I may have no idea what was keeping me from seeing you, but I want you to know that I'd do anything for you.” I kissed the tip of her nose. “Anything, do you understand?” I kissed her right cheek. “I don’t care if it hurts me. I don’t care if it’s difficult.” I kissed her other cheek. “I can’t even tell you how excited I am for all our future holds for us.”
I finished it with a feather soft kiss to the lips as I stared into her eyes, letting her feel it all the way down to our actual souls.
So, imagine my surprise when she burst into tears.
They weren’t happy tears, either. They were big, fat, salty rivulets that burned their way through me. What had I done? I'd thought I was being both honest and comforting, exactly what she needed in a mate. Had I fucked up? It felt like I'd fucked up.
“Uh, I’m sorry. Whatever I said, forget it. I’m stupid, and I don’t know anything.”
Then she was crying and laughing at the same time.
“I don’t know if this is a better reaction or not…”
She shook her head, still crying, still laughing. But she wasn’t pulling away, so I just settled for holding her. At least that was one thing I couldn’t mess up.
I may have not understood my mate, and I certainly didn’t understand what she meant when she said being mated to her would hurt me, but I didn’t care. The only thing that mattered was that we were together now.
